Thanks for all the thoughtful replies (Mum, October, Jaded, Stormchild, Portia, Brigid, Hollow, GFN, Bunny). They are much appreciated.
From what my brother tells me these days he was always experiencing an internal upheavel since early childhood. He found at an early age that he always felt out of place and lonely...no matter who or how many friends he had.
No matter how hard he tried or pretended he knew he didn't fit in. However, his friends always felt he fit it b/c he did such a good job of disguising all of his feelings and emotions.
My husband and I are dumbfounded in many ways b/c he has become increasingly depressed since "coming out" two years ago. He can't find peace. He's still confused and doesn't feel like he fits in anywhere.
October said:
perhaps if your brother has internet connection he could find friends online just to talk to,
He does do this and even after speaking to "more masculine" gay men he still felt like he couldn't relate to them.
Brigid said:
Do you live in a community with a college or university? Quite often they have gay, bi-sexual, lesbian, etc. groups on campus that might be able to help you find a therapist or perhaps a support group that would be helpful.
I mentioned to him last year that maybe he could find some resources to help him at the University he graduated. He was against the idea.
One of my ex's sisters is a gay Lutheran deaconess. Whichever Synod includes metropolitan New York City is quite loving... you might try a Lutheran church that belongs to that synod (it is not the Missouri Synod, but I don't remember which one it is) and see if they can recommend someone. I'd offer to put you in touch with my ex's sis, but it's been so long since we had any contact I am not sure how to reach her. PM me if you'd like to chat further.
Thanks Storm for your support. I may be taking you up on the offer to pm you.
Jaded,
Thank you for sharing about your Dad. My brother is more of a homebody and really doesn't hang out with other gay men. He's always around family and mutual friends that he shares with my brother.
Portia,
You are fine. No need to explain yourself, hon.
If others feel this thread to be offensive then I would have it deleted. But I think it's OK.
Hollow,
If he needs therapy, and I'm sure the right therapist could help, it would/should be to help him accept himself. (I'm still trying to accept myself and I'm not gay).
I think it would be helpful for my brother if he was able to find an objective third party to talk to about his true feelings. Right now he seems like a tortured and tormented soul.
Unfortunately, it doesn't seem that family support is enough. He knows we accept him with open arms. He's struggling. I feel that his coming out has made him feel worse about himself. And it wasn't b/c of the reactions of the family. My brother told me last year how surprised he was that everyone was still accepting of him. He was truly expecting that he was going to be banished.
Point of interest: The only person who didn't know was my Dad. My brother "came out" as my Dad was dying in the hospital. They were very close and my Father was a very traditional and conservative man.
As I mentioned to Mud in a PM, I wonder about my brother's timing. Dad had been in the hospital for nearly one year and my brother came out a month before he passed.
mia