one night stands

[Anonymous]

Resolution,

You are right that it doesn't have to be "sad and lonely people." that is a bit extreme. I just think usually it IS sad and lonely people. I don't think one-night stands as recreation work for women at all.....women don't share their bodies without consequence. I don't think marriage is crappy in the least, but obviously being free to do whatever is a very exciting thought.

bunny

[mudpuppy]

OK,

First, lets get past this baloney about 'safe sex'. Condoms, when working properly, do not prevent genital warts which cause cervical cancer. They don't prevent genital herpes which is incurable. Even when used properly they have an alarming failure rate. When used improperly, which they usually are, they fail far more. When a condom fails they don't prevent anything at all, including pregnancies.
So there may be 'less dangerous sex', but there is no such thing as 'safe sex'.

Second, this idea that there is some pool of safe, normal people to routinely engage in one night stands with, I find close to idiotic.
How many stories on this board are from people, women especially, who have been married to or otherwise involved with someone for years who seemed perfectly normal, a white knight even, only to find out the guy is a total flaming lunatic?
I would bet there is probably not a person on this board who does not know someone who thought they were going to go have a little innocent one nighter and ended up in the ER or pregnant or raped or somehow used and devastated.

Third, the idea that it is possible to seperate something as intimate as sex from one's deeper emotions I think is self deception. If it is possible for a person to achieve that seperation, then I think they have lost something pretty valuable.

So you get the opportunity for an incurable disease, possibly a fatal one, an unwanted pregnancy and the chance for a good beating or some other violence done to you on top of the possibility of the slow death of your view of others as anything other than a mere object to satisfy your immediate desires.

Sorry, I place a higher value on myself than that.
I'll be out the rest of the day so you can start tossing things at me immediately.

mudpup

[mum as guest]

Third, the idea that it is possible to seperate something as intimate as sex from one's deeper emotions I think is self deception. If it is possible for a person to achieve that seperation, then I think they have lost something pretty valuable.

This sums up my thoughts on the subject very well.  Without any judgement on others, I have learned this, exactly, from  my experience.

[Brigid]

Resolution,

A 'one night stand' is not a contract for life. It's a mutual experience, hopefully enjoyed equally and practised safely. It is also an opportunity to expand upon a circle of close and like minded people who can support each other to a degree.....but without the crap that goes with the instituation of marriage!

Now I understand how you were able to separate yourself from everyone else and "heal."  Sounds like you built a cage around your heart in the process.

Brigid

[Resolution]

     As I wrote earlier, me thinks a 'shit storm' will sweep in on this one.....and yup, here it comes

I went back to the start of the thread at what was initially kicked off by 'Write'. I had no advice for 'Chicken'....other than to say that she should avoid sex otherwise she'd end up on a lot of wham bammers! Yes I've done them and no I don't anymore. Not for because I've seen the light or hated them, moreover I just found unsatisfying.

Marriage works well for the some.....and some not so. The rest of us singletons are either working on getting into one, happily single and having fun, happily celebate......or perhaps like dear 'Chicken' and unhappy! Who am I to say this works and that doesn't, life has many forms. I used the word 'crap' in my last post, but this was written mainly those with unhappily married people in mind.

Not for one moment do I think that we should all be single, quite the contrary. Only a few decades or so earlier, being married was considered the most normal thing to be, over a certain age, and being single raised an eyebrow or two! It's just that now, things have completely turned around and what was once the case....isn't anymore.

To me, it appeared that 'Chicken' had been around the block a few times, gotten runover....and then some......and now found herself deeply confussed and lost. My only advice was to do the exact opposite of that she'd previously done and stick to it. I never for one moment wrote that she should embark upon a bonk fest  of bed hopping !

It's a completely different story for a person who either doesn't know what they want or has just come out of a heavy relationship and wants to keep things light. We're grown adults and live in the big world that's not too tightly controlled anymore by the religious zealots.....save for our muslim maties    And a girl is equal to a man in every respect....and conducts her affairs accordingly. Big world, big boys and girls.....big play ground to run around in! It's a world 'on demand' and generally at the click of our fingers.......for those who stay loose and mobile  

Treat others as you would a least be expected to be treated. Walk away from all else.  

[Anonymous]

Hey Resolution!

I used the word 'crap' in my last post, but this was written mainly those with unhappily married people in mind.

Not for one moment do I think that we should all be single, quite the contrary.

Good rephrasing I think!  

....a bonk fest of bed hopping.

Hippity hop.  Hoppity hip.  A-bonking we will go....hi ho the merry oh...just like Bugs eh?
Made me laugh anyhow!

 

Treat others as you would a least be expected to be treated. Walk away from all else.

Good golden rule eh?  Lot's here on the same channel.

Nothing flying here!  Except feathers and fluff!!  Can't find my stuffed bunny anywhere!!  Just a poor delapitated chicken!
       

GFN

[Resolution]

Never plucked either GFN.....but met a bunny boiler or two who should have been stuffed like a chicken........I do of course mean the two legged variety.......  God you've got a filthy mind.........what were you thinking

[Anonymous]

Quite the contrary:

I think God's mind is probably quite clean!

I was thinking of the toy chicken my puppy plays with....the one that ....oops ...it's a duck.  Hard to tell the difference sometimes.

My mistake.

tsk tsk!
 
GFN

[Plucky G2]

Let's just rename this the Silly thread, shall we?

I think sex is so personal, that each person has to find out what is their solution.  Problems arise when people try to decide for others (see definition of shame, posted someplace on the board), even with the best of intentions.  

Any problems I have personally had with sex arose from not following my own mind and heart.    Sometimes that was my own doing, having been taught not to trust my own thinking and feelings.  Other times it was forced on me.  The times it was my own fault, I felt like I was raping myself!

I do second that it is tough to find a truly safe place or person in this world.  So beeeeee careful.

[mum as guest]

I was thinking of the toy chicken my puppy plays with....the one that ....oops  ...it's a duck. Hard to tell the difference sometimes.

Pretty hard to tell when the head's been ripped off, no? (thinking of what my pups do to stuffed toys)

I think everyone understands how personal this subject is, but like everything else, if it is brought up, it's obviously something someone (write anyway) would like to think through, with some other people's thoughts.

Any problems I have personally had with sex arose from not following my own mind and heart

Got that right, Plucky G2!!!!  I guess the issue is to really become aware of what actuall IS in our minds and hearts!

[Resolution]

Why do I get the feeling that a number of people responding to this post are missing the point. No one, not even 'Write', nor I, are advocating 'one night stands' to the exclussion of all else. 'Write' wrote on a subject following on from an earlier post.....and a number of people appear to feel threatened by this in some form.

It may appear to be a 'silly' post to some, but hasn't 'Write' got a point to post what they have without being haranged for daring to post an honest question. Part-take by all means and make a positive input.....but you don't have to post anything if you have nothing to say other than pour scorn. The forum hasn't got a PG certificate has it......and we are adults....aren't we?

'Write'

Great subject and one that I'd like to read even more on.

[mum as guest]

Hi, Resolution: I'm sorry you see something negative on this thread. I must be clueless, because I don't.  That must be part of "missing the point" as well...
It just looks like the usual, people invited to share their thoughts....and so they did.
I haven't seen anything judgemental about anyone in particular, just personal opinions, experiences and stories about a personal subject.

Some light heartedness is normal, in my opinion, when discussing things of a personal nature.

[Anonymous]

Hi Resolution:

Did I say anything that you felt was scornful?

As to being silly, yep, I do that.

  I mean only to put a smile on your face!

Hope I did!  You gave me a good laugh, as I already said.

GFN

[write]

people being a little silly- it's good to have humour.

The funniest thing about the one-night stands I have had in my life: I've always felt equal to the guy, and respected and certainly never abused.

Which has not been the case in any of my big relationships...

[mum as guest]

wow, Write: I never thought of that.  But I think that may be the case for me as well. On equal footing and all, at least at the moment.  For me, though, I just still felt lost and alone anyway, so it wasn't me at my best.....