Hello everyone:
Hey Mum:
"things we worry about most, rarely come to pass."
Exactly, in my experience. Therefore, worrying almost...stops things from happening???
Do you think the energy used to mentally combat such worries has any effect on events, or is it just fate? Just something that I thought of at this moment. Maybe a goofy thought?
Chalk it up to experience as a world class ex worrier, or you can fancy me with psychic powers .
Love the foresight and the hindsight!
(and the flashing lights!!
).
Worry has NEVER done a darn thing of use for anyone.
I have some thoughts on this. Stay tuned.
Hi Bunny:
Easy for Jesus to say!
It's a defense against feeling out-and-out panic.
That's one way of putting it. Makes sense too, to me, big time.
Hey Portia:
we all have to learn that some people's words are not to be trusted. I wish I'd learnt that earlier!
Very good point! I wish I'd learned that a lot...lot...lot earlier too!!
Hi Plucky:
Another good point about happy endings being possible. Wishing this for you, very much, too, in your situation. Then I'll be posting some big, huge, giant, massive, large:
YaY!!!!!!!!'s of my own!!
So......I've been thinking about Mud's questions and here's what came up, for me:
1. Why do we worry, when we know it is a pointless exercise?
I think worrying is part of my coping technique (isn't that a lovely term??
). Worrying, again, this is my perception, isn't totally pointless, or a total waste of time (although I often say it is). To a certain extent, I think worrying is necessary and does, as Bunny pointed out, defend me....keep me from total panic, or maybe.....it precludes it???
When I worry, some, I try to keep within a sort of invisible line. I allow myself to worry and then I try to examine my worries, to see if they are realistic, or totally discardable. I'm not perfect, so sometimes I worry about silly stuff. That's when it's a waste of time, imo. So a more accurate way of putting it might be:
Worrying is sometimes a waste of time, or often a waste of time, or not always a good use of time????
That is....because if I worry about stuff that might actually happen, that seems likely, possible, or quite certain......I have identified something that needs a plan, for me. And if I can come up with a way to deal with those possibilities, or certainties, etc, I feel a whole lot better about it all and I stop worrying. So, even though the actual worrying hasn't solved the trouble, it has brought it to light, so I can then decide what to do about it, if there is anything that can be done.
When I find myself a) losing sleep and b) with skin eruptions, I know I need help and I try to get it. This is something that I haven't mastered, I think. It would be good, if I were to seek support, a little prior to these symptoms. However, so far, I still need work in this department
.
2. How do we not worry?
This question had me going for quite some time. Imagine a world without worry? Wouldn't it be marvelous?? Total relaxation, all of the time. No worries. No plans to make. Not a care in the world!
Wait a minute? How could that be? Isn't worry a sort of instinct, in a way? Keeps us from doing dangerous things, sometimes, or from acting in certain ways? For me it is. If I feel worried, especially when I can't put my finger on why, or what is causing it, I pay great attention to it. I have learned to trust my gut feeling about some stuff (not all stuff....but some stuff.....I still need work here too, I think). But generally, compared to say.....when I was much younger.....I pay big attention to what I call: unwarrented worry. If it smells bad in my brain....I turn the fan on and run!!
Behaviourwise, worry keeps me from saying/doing stuff too, sometimes (again......not always...but sometimes.....oh oh.....more work!
). I worry about hurting others, so I don't say and do everything that I might like to. Imagine if we did that? Just said or did whatever we wanted, when we wanted, to whom we wanted, without regard for them, without worrying about them, or the consequences of our words, or actions?
Wait a minute.......isn't that what people who act like N's do?
(Again, in my case......more work needed,
, sometimes I mess up!
and say and do stuff I would have been better off to worry about a little
).
Worry seems good for me in this respect. If I didn't worry, I wouldn't give a hoot about anyone else. I'd be happy as a lark (ya think?
) but stepping on every toe in sight.
But Mud's question probably means something more like.....how do we stop worrying about silly things? Or even maybe....when do we know it's time to stop?
I think, because I am human, I will make mistakes and worry about stupid stuff, sometimes, till my days are done. I have set the limit for myself that when I lose sleep or break out in lumps, I need to take steps to move on to the evaluation of worries/planning stages, and to ask for support from another person, if there is a way. It would be nice if I were more able to do this sooner and I have that goal. I doubt I will ever totally stop worrying. And, in a way, for the benefit of people's toes, I hope I don't stop.
3. Why is it so hard to let tomorrow worry about its own things?
This is hard isn't it? For me it is. I'm a planner. I like things to make logical sense to me, or I just have a hard time buying. I like a certain amount of order and organization. I don't like chaos. I feel disoriented and confused in it. Worry feels chaotic to me. I never know what silly worry will pop into my head. I don't really worry a whole lot about the past, I think. And now seems like it's ok, a lot of the time, so that doesn't really worry me. But the future.........whoooooooooeeeeeee that's my baby!!! Always hopeful for better days ahead! Worrying about what might go wrong is my specialty!! It's a habit? It's a coping mechanism? It's a defense against panic?
If I based the future on the past......I would definately be inclined to panic.
Maybe I do that a little? So my way to combat that worry is... I plan. And then, I do worry sometimes about certain recurrence possibilities.....but hope keeps me sort of grounded, most of the time, I think.
I worry best.....when I haven't got a clue about what might happen!! That is good for a few dilly episodes of near..panic and large pustules appearing....anywhere on my body. That doesn't happen as often as it used to. Not for quite some time actually. So......I must be doing some of the work!!
...(Whew! Maybe I'm not a total lost cause!!!
).
The future is something I haven't got a clue about... but, ....because I worry a little and plan a lot, hope a lot, and try to have that faith that better days will be here......it's not one of those great pustule-producing-panic thingys, usually. I do depend on God to be there with me, I admit, no matter what happens.
It is hard not to worry though, if I have a fairly good idea, or an instinctual feeling about what will most likely happen. I wouldn't mind if I was never right but the trouble is....sometimes I am right and I worry fairly accurately.
I'm glad, re graduation, I was wrong! Glad! Glad! Glad!
4. What emotional need does worry fulfill?
For me....it's definately a control issue. I need to feel like I have some plans/control about what to do if this or that happens. It's nish I think. It stops me from worrying further, if I can do some planning. If I can't think of a plan.....I feel greater fear. So maybe, for me, worry leads to planning in order to stifle fear?
Worry
planning (stop sign icon please) > fear
Or maybe I'm just a worry wart.....thinking up good excuses for worrying??
Makes me wonder if other people see anything good about worrying?
Or if it really is...just a complete waste of time??
GFN
