Vunil and Plucky,
My experience last time was very different. For the first three weeks I felt like I had custard in my head. I felt nauseaus and ill and could barely think. Then the veil lifted and you are right I was able to work and think more clearly. This really did help me I agree, but the problem was that thy kept me in a kind of 'middle' space. They did not allow me to get very low, but neither could I feel really good about anything. Then I had the nightmare coming off.... As a psych nurse I have seen them work wonders on people and I do think they are a great thng for stopping obsessive thought and often that horrible panicky feeling. For some reason though this time it is very important for me to feel everything. It could be the wrong or the right way... I'm not really sure but it feels intuitively right and I am trying to learn from my intuition.
if I get to the point where I can't go to work then I will be throwing caution to the wind and trying everything I can...
Spyralle x
(((Spyralle)))
I totally agree with you. There are many times in healing when we know that taking ADs is not the way to go. There are other times when it might be necessary. We have to have enough belief in ourselves to know the difference. It seems that at least here in the US many doctors are very eager to prescribe them despite horrible and sometimes deadly side-effects.
When I had to go to court and turn custody of my daughter over to the county to get her the residential therapy she required, I grieved. My husband was very concerned about my grief and thought that AD's might be the way to go. I told him absolutely not. I knew that I needed to get through the grief and I believed that I could, which I did. I could tell the difference between depression and grief; I cried every day for months, and I expressed a lot of pain and hurt, but I was totally able to function. I saw a therapist during this time and she helped me get through it.
On the other hand, I went into a severe chemical depression when my mother told me that she had always wondered what my father had been doing in my room for so long when I was a child. I was just starting to heal from incest and when she told me that, I fell into a hole of despair. I realized, on a level that I could not handle at the time, how absolutely alone and unprotected I'd been during my childhood, and no amount of therapy, self-talk, and support could get me out of that hole. When I say a "chemical depression", I could actually feel my brain physiology changing. That may sound crazy, but I swear this is what I felt. I'd had the same thing in the past when I took birthcontrol pills. Of course the cure in that case was to stop taking the pills.
Along with the despair came suicidal thoughts and I knew that I was in major trouble. I want to a shrink and was placed on Pamelor. I felt as if my head had been pounded into a stump. Dumb and dumber. I also perspired profusely and had a dry mouth. I also felt numb and rather high, so high that nothing much bothered me, which was not right and no way to get through incest issues. We tried Prozac next. Prozac put me to sleep. I could barely stay awake...opposite reaction of how it affects most people. We then tried Zoloft, which worked I think the way it should. The suicidal ideation went away. I was able to deal with the despair and do the necessary work to heal from the incest and my mother's betrayal.
The psychiatrist I had been seeing suddenly told me that she thought I was bi-polar and that I should not be doing "that kind of therapy." I had made the mistake, if it was a mistake, of telling her I was having some real breakthroughs and was starting to feel much better, showing a little joy and humor in her office, which she had never seen in my previous states of profound depression, dopiness, and lethargy. I disagreed with her diagnosis because I had never had the manic state of bi-polar disorder. I got myself a new psychiatrist who told me that I should proceed with the therapy and at the most, I was slightly cyclothymic...meaning I have mild mood swings. Finally, I started getting blurry vision from the Zoloft. I went to my shrink and said,"Is this because I don't need it anymore?" He felt that it was likely that I was over my depression and I was weaned off of the Zoloft.
A few years later, I was mis-diagnosed with fibromyalgia and depression. I was told I was overly sensitive to pain, a real hypochondriac. Not having experienced chronic pain before, I believed what I was told. Once again, I was placed on Zoloft, which did nothing. We tried Effexor, Luvox, Wellbutrin, and several others, all of which had horrible side effects. Well, it turned out that my pain symptoms were not from depression or hypochondria, but a real genetic disease. I took the AD's because I was desperate, but I finally gave up and started looking for other causes for the pain.
I do take an SSRI today for ADHD...Strattera. It works without altering my mood. I had taken Ritalin (horrible stuff), Cylert (ineffective), and prescription amphetamines (worked pretty well till they wore off at the end of the day) before for ADHD. Strattera is much more effective. I was glad to get rid of the amphetamines, athough someone with true ADHD does not become addicted to amphetamines. I was always worried that somebody might recognize the pills and think that I was self-medicating. Employment drug tests were another issue.
My last experience with AD's was about six months ago. I asked my regular doc to refer me to a rheumatologist to see if there was more I should be doing to recover from my genetic condition. Unfortunately, the rheumie (who I picked off a list) was an abusive jerk who knew nothing about the underlying genetic condition causing the symptoms, but thought he did. I felt as if I were back in a time warp. He told me that I was histrionic and hypochondriac, a disasterizer, and then turned around to tell me I had the "worst case of fibromyalgia" he had ever seen. He put me on Elavil to help me get restful sleep, which he felt might be contributing to my chronic pain. Instead of restful sleep, I had intense nightmares and heart palpitations. I took the pills for two nights and then decided it would be a mistake to take any more. I called the rheumy to tell him the side effects and to see if there was something else that I could take and he yelled at me.
Needless to say, I have never gone back. I have since discovered that fibromyalgia is one of the symptoms of my genetic condition and that it is something that I will always have to live with. Some days it's better and some days it's worse.
Diet and supplements help me a lot, but I have some special needs because of the medication I take to help with the genetic condition. I eat a high protein, fairly low carb diet with lots of veggies and some fruit. I have take vitamins and extra magnesium, chromium and Vitamin B because the medication I take can cause nerve damage in high doses, and I have to take high doses. I also take L-Carnitine and Q10 enzyme. I take Valerian as a muscle relaxent sometimes. It doesn't make me feel goofy as the prescription muscle relaxants do.
