Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Facing the monster
Sela:
Hi Cadbury:
You're doing fantastic! Really!!! You are thinking before reacting......which is sooooo hard to do and such a wonderful skill. You've developed it with him!! (maybe not after every single sentence .......who's perfect?.......but mostly you're doing it and that's just fabulous!!). I agree with Portia. Give yourself a big pat on the back for learning so much and doing so well.
Ok........the-wants-to-hammer-him-big-time-part-of-me-is-coming-to-the-surface-again ( :mrgreen:).
Have you thought about taping these lovely visits? Is it legal?
Up here......in Canada.....it is legal to record a conversation between people as long as one of the people is aware that the conversation is being recorded (and you would be the one person aware...since you would be recording it :D). The recording can even be used in civil court (but not criminal court).
Note: It is illegal, here, to record the conversations of other people (in which you are not involved in the conversation) unless......the people conversing.......all of them.....are aware that the thing is being recorded.
Anyhow, when a situation came up...where I needed proof and could think of no other way......I put a micro recorder in my purse...with a little microphone and recorded certain conversations (advised to do so by my lawyer). In my case.....the information gained was worth it's weight in gold and really helped.
I wonder if recording would show that TH is using visitation as a means to pester you? If it might show that his concern for his child is pathetically low or absent? Just an idea. Maybe useless.
Keep your chin up Cadbury. This won't last forever (I guess I sound like a broken record sometimes eh? I just think it's sooooooo important to remember there will be an end to this junk).
--- Quote ---The worst part is that to an outsider it may also look a little over the top, but they don't know what he's like.
--- End quote ---
Key word........outsider. Not someone close, inside the picture who knows TH or his tactics. Not someone who cares about you and your son. But an outsider who really doesn't understand the situation. To an outsider.......everything looks different eh? That's ok. We're all outsiders to lot's of stuff.
You did the right thing about the Christmas gifts, if you ask me. Those were/are just a tactic. At first...to try to woo, buy and trick you. Now, a reminder of how "nasty" you are (and how patient and committed he is). :x :twisted: :!:
To steal an old.....well used line:
GAG ME WITH A SPOON!!! (need a barf icon about now).
Manipulative.....controlling.......garbage is all it is.
Great for bringing the book to read! Hey! Maybe next time the title will be:
"How to deal with controlling people" ?? or "The emotional vampire" ?? or something that fits??
(((((((((((((((Cadbury))))))))))
:D Sela
Hopalong:
Cadbury,
Thanks so much for giving us an update...I'd been thinking of you.
What a strong person you're becoming. We had Martin Luther King day yesterday (my hero)...so when I read about your contact sessions and realize what it costs you to not go mad with rage...my respect deepens. (Can you imagine how those folks in the deep South felt about the sniggering sheriffs and their dogs and water hoses? They just kept walking...wouldn't take the bus...did not engage...would NOT quit.)
This bit made my skin crawl: '...he talks to the baby. "Does mummy feed you too much?" " Does mummy pick you up as soon as you whinge?" " Is mummy spoiling you?"... "
Makes me respect your strength even more. I personally would like to squash him like a bug.
I wonder, what if you brought a cardboard box and packing tape with you next time, already labeled Salvation Army, and simply picked up his "gifts" and placed them in it and taped it shut. Leave it behind.
Ns are such tightwads maybe he'd stop foisting unwanted gifts on you. This way, you let him feel the pain of spending money without getting the "score" of making you take things home with you.
Or maybe that's engaging too and might encourage him to play even more games with it. (He'd bring something enormous the next time and smirk at you).
Anyway, it's thrilling that you may get a chance to move away, and better yet that he's screwing up by not providing medical evidence that the court's expecting.
Please keep us posted!
(((Cadbury))))
Hopalong
mum:
Cadbury, OR, Mia. Solidarity, women. That's the power. Right there with you!!!!
mum:
hi, Cadbury, got my posts mixed up. You are amazing. Doing a wonderful, just wonderful job. An example for all of us facing this kind of monster. I have decided it may help me to picture YOUR ex, or another one of these idiots in place of my own exN and then I can pretend I am YOU and just read my book!!!
Thanks for your inspirational and POWERFUL (yes, powerful) attitude.
tejaspear:
Hi Cadbury,
My heart goes out to you! I did not take the time to read all the posts on this thread -- there are so many! -- but just in case no one else has mentioned this, if I were you I would get a background check done on your N ex. He may very well have some type of criminal history which would be a great advantage for you to know about in re the courts. I also wonder about his background in re friends and family. Since he has fabricated things about you, something tells me he has a past replete with stuff that really DID happen, and that you could find out about and prove in court (with willing witnesses).
Sorry if that is of no help, but just wanted to post it in case it would be of help, because that really, really bothers me that he has been making those false accusations about you!
Best of love and luck to you and your precious baby!
TP
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
[*] Previous page
Go to full version