Lasting horrible break up period

[Plucky]

Those are all links to somewhere.  Careful!
Plucky

[miss piggy]

Hello Stayhuman,

I like your name!  Welcome to the board.  Sorry to be so long in coming over to this thread.

I just wanted to say good for you for taking a hiatus from the dating game for a bit.  Boy, to be in my twenties again!  All that energy!  I don't miss the confusion though 

For your sake I am relieved that you are standing tall by yourself and getting things figured out.  That was a close one with both of these XBFs and you are learning that you don't enjoy manipulation very much, thank you.  And good you know now rather than after marrying one of these turkeys who don't respect your feelings.  Yes, physical attraction counts for a lot in our twenties but we'll be cheering you on to find a guy with the ability to appreciate your personality and humanity as well, and for you to do the same for him.  You seem like a pretty direct and self-aware person. 

It sounds like you have no problem attracting guys per se and if that's the case, what's the hurry?  If you are standing strong by yourself and moving towards your goals in your own life this will attract a whole new kind of guy who admires your confidence. 
Good luck to you.  MP

[stayhuman]

Hi Miss Piggy,

Thanks for your welcome and well wishes 

Im starting to realise that some of the blame lies in my own actions-whether that be for betraying myself or for other reasons. So I guess time out should help me deal with that stuff aswell I suppose. It's not easy though! Im guilty of sending late night text messages to my ex and stuff :S.when I should be moving on. dammit.

[Sela]

Dear StayHuman:

Im guilty of sending late night text messages to my ex and stuff :S.when I should be moving on. dammit.

Moving on (dammit) is a wonderful goal!!!

Good for you for setting that goal for yourself and for being so accountable for your own actions.

Ok......so you've done that.  Stop beating yourself up about not being there yet!!

Can you think of your little text message sending spree as a bump on the road to success??

You won't always be sending those messages!  Just because you send some.......doesn't mean you will absolutely send more!  Forever and ever!

Every time you resist sending one........please..........reward yourself.

Count those as successes!!!  Take account of THAT behaviour too!

It's not easy to just end relationships and you are certainly not the only one who isn't perfect at doing it.

Keep trying and please......give yourself a pat on the back.....each and every time you resist the urge to communicate with your ex because every time you resist......is a step in the right direction....a step toward your goal!

Sela

[j_stice]

How about starting with deleting his mobile phone number from your phone or alternatively change the name on it to something obscure and bizzare and something that you will never use. Then eventually delete it! One of the first things I do to people I don't want to have contact with is to delete their phone numbers and e-mail addresses. Then I slowly but surely ween myself away from them so the transition is easier to move away from them. Then I eventually lose contact.

I have to ask what possibly could be left motivating you to keep in contact with this person? What failure in your current relationships (or attempted relationships)? Keeping in contact with this person isn't what you need and will cause you to sabotage your current and / or future relationships. If you feel the need to keep in contact with this person try a role play scenario either alone, with someone you trust or with a therapist and see what you can work out. Using an of these role plays is dangerous because you will find out more about yourself than you do about them! Remember at all times that you need to take the role of your ex-boyfriend.

One more thing you need to ask yourself: have you really moved on? WHA

The next questions are:

Has he really moved on?
Is he trying to move on?
Do you respect the fact that he may be trying to move on?
What are your aims of your pent up emotions?
Are they acheivable and if not then, why bother worrying about him anymore?