Author Topic: How to produce an Obsessive Compulsive PD Child  (Read 2538 times)

Sallying Forth

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How to produce an Obsessive Compulsive PD Child
« on: December 11, 2005, 02:44:43 AM »
In my online research I've discovered that my Nh is disordered with the same personality disorders as my mother, N and OCPD. :shock: I married my mother. :eek:

I found this list:

1. Talk all the time, but don't be very active physically, and never listen to what your child has to say.

2. Expect perfect etiquette and manners from your child from his day of birth on. Don't tolerate mistakes.

3.Be an introvert. Don't let him see you interacting in a healthy manner with other human beings.

4.Be very critical of the people around you-this includes your minister, your neighbors, your husband, and most importantly, your child.

5. Be a real snob.

6. Be sure to domineer your husband as well as your children. This is very important.

7. Emphasize morality as a way of being superior to other children, or of getting to heaven.

8. Don't make any serious commitments to God yourself, and be critical of the religious convictions of your child's grandparents.

9. Tell your child that his father is the boss, but in reality, allow your husband to be nothing but a figurehead.

10. Expect your child to be completely toilet-trained by the time he is twelve months old. Then, when he grows older, he can get even with you by being constipated much of the time.

11. Be a real miser with your money. Always save for the future, and don't let the future ever come.

12. Emphasize the letter of the law rather than the spirit of the law. Make your rules quite rigid, and never allow any exceptions.

13. Practice Victorian ethic. Shame your child for being a sexual being.

My Nh's family did these things. It wasn't isolated to a single person. For my mother it was her mother.
The truth is in me.[/color]

I'm Sallying Forth on a new adventure! :D :D :D

write

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Re: How to produce an Obsessive Compulsive PD Child
« Reply #1 on: December 11, 2005, 01:20:22 PM »
Hi SF.

The toilet training bit is interesting- there were parents in England when I lived there very recently who still had this obsession with pride in 'my child is fully toilet trined at 12 months'.
They never were of course- looking after such a child meant constant vigilence and catching the accidents, & lots of accidents...
Many of the mums were just poor and trying to cut the diaper bills, but there was even a more 'up-market' version called infant potty training, where you learn your child's early bowel habits and hold them over the pot.
It all smacked of overinvolvement to me, and imagine a pd parent using that style and the endless interfering and criticism and abuse...

mum

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Re: How to produce an Obsessive Compulsive PD Child
« Reply #2 on: December 11, 2005, 04:34:14 PM »
to continue a little off topic: it's not the children who are tiolet trained early....the parents are trained, that's all.
And if you make toilet training a battle...the kid has all the ammunition...
It's our first lesson as parents in detachment (if we are willing to learn)
SF: that list is interesting: included are all kinds of things my exN's parents did/didn't do......no wonder...

spyralle

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Re: How to produce an Obsessive Compulsive PD Child
« Reply #3 on: December 11, 2005, 05:25:55 PM »
Well....  i have to say that that list describes my mother perfectly.  When my daughter was a baby she was obsessed with toilet training.......  said I was potty trained at 11 months.....  I know every single one of those points as they formed a framework to my life.  It's kinda sad now when I realise.....

Spyralle x

Plucky

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Re: How to produce an Obsessive Compulsive PD Child
« Reply #4 on: December 11, 2005, 06:39:05 PM »
Hi Sallying,
this list describes my childhood.  I am not sure about the toilet training part.  I know that heard plenty of stories about how hard it was to wash cloth diapers by hand (yes.  I'm old).   One thing not on your list.  I was a bed wetter and shamed no end about it.  I will never do this to my child.  One day my mother let it slip that her grandmother, who raised her. never shamed her for being a late bedwetter.  I was speechless, and my mother saw what she had done.  Reminded me of all the times that she told me that had I really wanted to stop, I would stop.  Praised me on the one occasion I stayed awake all night to avoid wetting.   Yelled at me and made me wash my own sheets at the age of 5 and 6.  Told everyone about it.  Woke me up in the middle of the night to go.   Etc. 
Plucky

welcome guest

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Re: How to produce an Obsessive Compulsive PD Child
« Reply #5 on: December 12, 2005, 05:59:27 AM »
Well due to my mother's 'training'

I became constipated - entirely her fault. She had me check the pot every time I went in case I had 'worm's

I guess like a dog would have - or though in the imagination of me as a young child - they could have been earth worms or later - tate worms - crawling about in there.

Obviously I was scared to tell anyone about this.

At the same time of course, as I was constipated (constantly holding it in - who would want to go to the toilet, when something like an alien film experience was gong to happen when you got a result) I would also dirty my pants.

I was shamed as a result of this and mother refused to wash them. In some stupid way of trying to get me to stop - so I was washing my own underpants.

I eventually did stop, but at a late age - and after numerous humiliating experiences as a result. ie when you're constipated eventually - you lose control and can't prevent an episode of - to put it mildly - uncontrollable shitting. so doing it at school was a lot of fun. and all added to the shame I felt

 obviously as a result of her efforts is why it was so long in overcoming it. I was so humiliated did not share my experience until my 30's and am only now overcoming the trauma of shame as a result.

The perfect abuse - what child could possible share a problem like that with another adult, not a parent?

There was, of course, a whole other load of stuff going on at the time - but this was a big part of the pattern.

Sallying Forth

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Re: How to produce an Obsessive Compulsive PD Child
« Reply #6 on: December 12, 2005, 12:57:59 PM »
(((((((((((((((Welcomed Guest)))))))))))))))

How cruel and demeaning your mother was.


I can't imagine what it would be like to grow up in that kind of environment.


I'm so sorry you endured this abuse.
The truth is in me.[/color]

I'm Sallying Forth on a new adventure! :D :D :D

Hopalong as guest

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Re: How to produce an Obsessive Compulsive PD Child
« Reply #7 on: December 12, 2005, 02:47:10 PM »
Hi Soul,
I am so sorry you went through that. I don't know if you are aware, but fecal soiling at an older-than-normal age is called encopresis. It might be illuminating if you did some Net surfing about it...you'd find there are so many people who have suffered (and recovered) from this.

Hope so.
Hopalong

LostSurvivor

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Re: How to produce an Obsessive Compulsive PD Child
« Reply #8 on: December 12, 2005, 07:28:36 PM »
Hello:

I've just joined today and came upon your post. What you say (married your mother) applies to me. The list of traits you posted almost completely applies to my mother.

I've spent several months mostly dealing with the fact that the unhappiness I felt as a child was due to my mother, who fits also fits the diagnosis for narcissism, and not because of anything I did.

As if that's not enough, my husband is her and getting worse as the years go by. I completely missed any signs that might have indicated that he is narcissistic. I'm here to try to figure out what to do next as he is getting worse as I gain confidence and stand up against his fits, anger, domineering ways. I also fear that my son is starting to imitate a lot of his bad behavior.

It seems like there is no easy solution so I'm here to learn for a while. It was great that this was the first post I looked at.

LostSurvivor

write

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Re: How to produce an Obsessive Compulsive PD Child
« Reply #9 on: December 12, 2005, 11:00:24 PM »
maybe the saddest things about everyone's history here is the fact that no matter what abuse you suffer there seems to be an intellectualised cover story- doing the best for you/ infant potty training/ attachment parenting/ polyamory or free love/ religious beliefs/ liberalism / etc.

And each can cover a multitude of sins.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions 16th C proverb


Sallying Forth

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Re: How to produce an Obsessive Compulsive PD Child
« Reply #10 on: December 13, 2005, 06:39:14 AM »
Hello:

I've just joined today and came upon your post. What you say (married your mother) applies to me. The list of traits you posted almost completely applies to my mother.

I've spent several months mostly dealing with the fact that the unhappiness I felt as a child was due to my mother, who fits also fits the diagnosis for narcissism, and not because of anything I did.

As if that's not enough, my husband is her and getting worse as the years go by. I completely missed any signs that might have indicated that he is narcissistic. I'm here to try to figure out what to do next as he is getting worse as I gain confidence and stand up against his fits, anger, domineering ways. I also fear that my son is starting to imitate a lot of his bad behavior.

It seems like there is no easy solution so I'm here to learn for a while. It was great that this was the first post I looked at.

LostSurvivor

Hello LostSurvivor,
You are definitely NOT lost any more! Welcome! :) You are a survivor!

My h is Compensatory NPD which is different than Classic NPD. I kept asking my t if my h was a N but he said no. However he mentioned Compensatory NPD and that was the clincher along with OCPD.

I am concerned about my s-son as well. He is in the narcissistic trait age, 20s, yet he acts very much like a cookie-cutter version of his father. He seems to be getting more and more N-like rather than less and less as he matures. And he has all the OCPD stuff. Originaly I thought it was ADHD but after reading all this I can see his behavior is like OCPD and N mixed together. I think his N behavior is N rather than CNPD like my h.

Right now he's doing something very N with his daughter which is alarming and indicative to me. Sacrificing her life for his pleasure and happiness is how I would describe it. That is a very N behavior.

I missed all signs of my h's PD's as well. I didn't even know about PD's until I began to read about them before I found this board. Finding the ptypes web site opened another reality to me and helped me see the truth in my marriage.
The truth is in me.[/color]

I'm Sallying Forth on a new adventure! :D :D :D