Q. What does he actually do that is nice? (Let’s see the reality clearly here. Let’s check with each other and compare ideas, please.)Hi Portia, It's heartwrenching when our husbands don't treat us the way we deserve.I agree with Healing and Hopeful. Caring about each other is vital and nurturing each other. My husband and I love to sleep in so we take turns getting up for the kids.. He also loves making a cuppuchino in the morning for us. We make an effect to smile at each other and greet each other with a hug and a kiss. He also comments on how beautiful and sexy I am too. He has terrible parents too so we rely on each other alot. Your husband being or doing something nice doesn't nessessary mean that he is nurturing the relationship. My husband and I went through a rough spot a few years ago and we were considering separating. He dictated to me a bit and I just let him dominate me (his mum is dominating). He did this and did nice things and didn't see my point of view and had rules and expectations that he thought I should be meeting (no teamwork). Eventually I told him that I had a right to have my feelings and opinions and he had no right to dictate my life. To make a marriage work, he needs to treat me equally and that his view on being "right" isn't as good as being "good" because the marriage wasn't working. My husband also realizes that women have different needs than a man and he sees that I need different things than him.
With the work thing, he works at home so he sees that it's not easy being a stay at home mum. We share all the money, after puting money aside for bills, rent, kids, etc we both have an allowance (equal) each that we can do what we want with...
I will definately not iron sheets. I don't even do ironing. I have a washer dryer too (best thing ever) I hang clothes up in the cupboard and iron clothes as we need it. He vaccums, thats something he likes to do to help. I cook, he's a bad cook. its funny. hes never ungrateful. I'm no expert, I feel for you ladies being treated badly. I reckon the only real advice I could give is to go have a day just for yourself, maybe go with a friend. Buy a couple of nice outfits, buy some nice underwear, have a new hair style, get your nails done, get everything done at the beautician, wax, tan, facial, massage etc. buy some earings etc.
Top 10 Things Wives Want From Their Husbands
Guide Picks
From Sheri & Bob Stritof,
Your Guide to Marriage.
In no particular order, here are ten things that many wives want from their husbands.
1) Telling Her Daily That She is Loved
Everyone needs to be affirmed. Everyone needs to know they are loved. The best ways to say "I love you" are usually in simple, everyday, seemingly unimportant ways like an unexpected hug or holding hands when you walk together.
2) Understanding and Forgiveness
There will be days when your wife will make mistakes or when she will be difficult to be around. No one is perfect. She both wants and deserves your willingness to understand and forgive her. Remember that no relationship can be sustained without forgiveness.
3) Conversation
Don't let your conversations with your wife dwindle to nothing but talk about your kids, your jobs, and the weather. If that happens, your marriage relationship could be in real trouble.
4) Willingness to Make Time for Her and Your Children
Having quality time with your wife and kids isn't something that just happens. You have to make it happen by not only making the plans but by following through. Time with those you love has to be a high priority for you.
5) Saying "Yes" More Than Saying "No"
Habitual negative responses to your wife and kids can push them away from you. Think twice before saying "no" and you will be surprised at how saying "yes" can improve your relationships.
6) Listening Well
It's really disheartening for a wife to share her thoughts and feelings with her mate and then realize that he didn't actually listen to her. Your wife wants and needs you to not only listen with your ears, but to listen with your heart.
7) Affection and Kindness
How often do you say "please" or "thank you" or give your spouse an unexpected kiss? Unfortunately, some married couples forget that being kind and affectionate to one another are keys to a successful marriage.
Sharing Household and Child Rearing Responsibilities.
One of the main reasons couples fight is conflict over who is doing what around the house. Chores and child care are not the sole responsibility of your wife. She shouldn't have to ask you to do your share around the house.
9) A Day Off Now and Then
Give your wife a day off several times a month. This means that she will be free from worrying about what is happening with the kids, the house, the pets, and you. She not only deserves this break in her schedule, she needs it to be emotionally and physically healthy.
10) Commitment to Take Care of Yourself Both Physically and Emotionally
Many men are notorious for not taking care of themselves when it comes to health issues. This isn't fair to your wife. She is your lover not your mother. Take responsibility for your own health concerns.
This link is interesting too
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8111_leave.htmlWHAT SHE REALLY NEEDS!
Your wife's greatest need of you is that you make her the number one attraction of your life. She needs to know that you worship the ground she walks on, that above all others, she is the one for you. In short, a continual courtship. Now don't take that beyond what I said. Of course you have many other interests and other things to do. But if you really want to get her attention you are going to have to make her at the pinnacle of them all.
Think of the time when you courted her, you know, in the beginning. You watched her every move. You thought of her constantly. You sent flowers to her work, and it wasn't even her birthday! You opened the car door for her. Listened more than you talked. You made sure you always looked good for her, that you kept yourself neatly groomed. You worked out, lost weight, sucked in that gut when she was around. She in turn bragged about you to all her friends, you were truly her "Knight in Shining Armor", the man of her dreams.
What happened between then and now? It's simple, it WORKED! You caught her attention, you asked for her hand, she accepted and you whisked her away. It all seemed so easy, it seemed so perfect. Men do things this way. We'll do anything so long as the objective is reached. But this is not to say we weren't genuinely in love or sincere. It's just that when we have what we want we turn off the machine that got us there.
This is what usually happens when after you crossed the threshold, all of a sudden, you turned off the courtship machine. Well why not, you had reached the objective. Why continue with all that work?
So you stopped sending her flowers (unless you had too). You got into the car first, and forgot to unlock the door for "her side". (You might have even drove off if she hadn't tapped on the glass!).
You stopped grooming yourself. In fact you rediscovered T-shirts. You know, your favorite, usually unwashed for many months. You let the gut go (phewww!). You now began to talk more than you listened, and in fact you began to yell, constantly - more times that you spoke softly.
What was the effect of this? You began to see a change in her. She began to rebel. She no longer looked at you with adoring eyes as if you were truly the knight in shining armor. Instead she began to talk to others about you as before, but it wasn't in glowing terms.
You might have heard her constantly complaint about how you changed, how you are so sloppy and so inconsiderate and so on. In turn you began to get angry and sulky. "She doesn't respect me!" You lamented. "She just doesn't understand me!" You told the bartender. You started to confide in others, sometimes even in other women about "that such and such, so and so" you are married to.
When it came time to buy a gift it was for a reason. It was no longer a pleasure, but a duty to perform, and you even resented the fact that you had to do it. It showed too, she knew, she could see it in your eyes, she should sense it in the "thought" behind the gift.
Does this all sound all too familiar?
It should, because it happens a million times a day all over this country and in the world. It's why the divorce rate in the U.S. is staggering, with 50% of all marriages ending in divorce.
All because in the beginning we men had by accident, or perhaps by instinct tapped into the needs our women and met them. Then inexplicably we backed off and seemed to forget those needs altogether. Rather we forgot the first need--that of EXCLUSIVENESS.
In the beginning we took the time to learn what pleased her. Now we take many things for granted. When it comes to telling her that she is number one, the only one you love, we don't. When confronted about this you get defensive, "What do you want from me?" "I work, I bring home the check, I buy the food, I care!". This as women say, is "typical" for us. We equate love, care and concern to HOW good we provide a living.
It's good that you do all that, but that's not what she wants. She wants to hear you say, "I love you!" She wants to hear, "Your the only girl for me!"
So many husbands think that their provisional accomplishment translates into their ONLY statement of love for their wives, and while the SECURITY is important and one of her needs it means nothing without EXCLUSIVENESS.
Your wife loves and needs the fact that you are a good provider, but she also needs support and security on the emotional level. She needs to know that in spite of all and everything SHE is your greatest object of concentration.
Therefore the two basic needs of the woman are "SECURITY" and "EXCLUSIVENESS". Yes she needs you to be a good provider, but also a good friend, counselor, confidant, and pal. If you fulfill these needs, or even make an honest attempt, then the respect you crave and need from her will be automatic. Because you will have EARNED that respect.
Jessica
