((((((((((((((Spyralle)))))))))))))))))
I'm so sorry you are feeling upset!
It will pass. That's something I say to myself more and more these days. When there is an uncomfortable or painful emotion around me, I say "it will pass"... You are not your emotions.
You said you are listening to yourself, if this is true then you are making the right decision. It's all well and good talking about how you are going to listen to yourself, but when you actually do put yourself first, like in this case, it's another matter and that's probably what you are struggling with now.
How does it feel to do something for yourself?
How does it feel now that you have listened to that little voice within you? -I bet it has quietened down now that you have listened, it has no need to try to get your attention anymore. Can you pay attention to that part of you, you just honoured?
It's hard work giving yourself love and attention isn't Spy? It feels really horrible. It's unfamiliar territory and it doesn't feel right for us.
You are in the right place. You are trying something different.
"The definition of insanity is to keep doing the same things over and over and expect different results" can't remember who said that...
Why would you feel bad for posting this thread? Again, you are feeling a duty to him and not to yourself... Why would you feel bad?
I always think it's amazing that you worked with drug addicts... I have always had a fascination with drug addicts but I have never been involved with them. I am convinced I was one in a previous life! Tee Hee!
I have always had a wierd fascination with prisons and drug addicts!!!! (uplifting stuff eh!?)
Anyway, the reason I think it's amazing that you do/did that work is because you are so closely linked with their struggle. I would say you struggle with the same things... and that is learning to be in your own body, with yourself and your pain, dealing with it head on...
It's hard because it's not been lived in. It feels empty.
I think you are an inspiration. I really hope you continue on your journey, I can feel from here just how painful it is. You have your counsellor who seems to be really good. You have the support. I think you are in a great place. You have finally reached the place where there is no clutter and you can deal with what you have been brushing aside for ever.
Mr Hippie will be just fine. You are not responsible for him. You are responsible for yourself. When you feel yourself giving your energy towards feeling sorry for him or whatever... try to nudge yourself back to you and your needs. Keep reminding yourself of you. Don't be a neglectful mother!! You have a young you to take care of! You are not your Mother, don't treat yourself as she has treated you.
Please look after yourself and don't worry. It will work out. Have faith in yourself. Deep within, you do have that knowledge.
Try to remember the positive things around you. You have your health, your daughter, your new job... things are well around you. I don't think it's the best thing to focus too much on the bad stuff. It needs attention, sure, but you must even it out with good stuff. You must tell yourself good things. It's all part of being good to yourself. You need to tell yourself that you are going to be fine. Support yourself!
Lots of love
Selkie
