Awwwwwww (((((((((((Kheng/Butterfly)))))))))):
How are you doing? I'm not sure if you will remember me...........I was GFN, before Sela? I remember you and have thought of you and hoped you're doing ok. Glad to see you posting again.
Sela, I wish I can just say those things which you have suggested and viola I'm feeling much better.
Yes, sorry about that. I forgot to say that this is neither simple nor easy to accomplish (nor a quick fix). Ofcourse, you're right...... it's doubtful anyone can just say things and suddenly feel much better. It isn't as simple as that. It takes time and effort and consentration and perseverance and determination and commitment. We're not talking about a couple of pep talks or a few lines said almost unnoticed per day. This is war!!!
War against all of the bad, sad, rude, nasty, hurtful, untrue, cruel, ignorant, unjustified, belittling, mean, etc, etc, remarks people have made to us ....maybe in our whole lifetime....and especially against those.......
we believed...........accepted......and even maybe repeated to ourselves, or at least.......any words/ideas we have allowed to remain....repeating themselves.........in our heads.
So.......to work.......this method will take just as many, just as varied, just as frequent (or more so)......basically.......just as powerful or maybe even a more powerful messages/sets of messages that must be sent in......like troopers.........to war against all negativity residing there.
And when those troopers arrive........they will then stand strong and do their second duty (which is really just more work that we must help them with.......to consciously pay attention to our thoughts and fight off........those that are not helping.........which might also be considered the same as: destroy the enemy (kill all nasty, useless, deflating thoughts as soon as they appear).
Simple? Not at all. Easy. Not a bit. Worth it? You bet.

I understand exactly what you mean, I think.........in that there is a big difference between thinking "I am not a failure" and feeling: "I am not a failure". The thing I guess I'm really promoting here is that the first leads to the second........with time and consistent work.
For example.......
-no long term relationship = personal failure, something must be wrong with me. How hopeless I am. But when I think about it, probably the reason for this is because I don't go out much. That explains it.
You've done a good job of looking at this and finding a reason for it.......trying to understand it. There may be further reasons and more to understand but the bottom line is......understanding it doesn't do a dang thing to stop it.....stop the thought, I mean.
So......to begin.......as an example....... take the the thought: "No long term relationship = personal failure".
Do you believe this? Is this a fact in your mind? What does it feel like after thinking this? Would it help to change it?
If so......the idea has to be replaced with something that might also be a reasonable belief, but one that induces better feelings about yourself. Like:
"No long term relationship = personal Independence" or "No long term relationship = personal preference" or "No long term relationship = Looking for the right mate" or "No long term relationship = The right person hasn't come along yet"
Plus.........the biggies:
"Something must be wrong with me"
HAS TO BE CHANGED in order to a) feel happier and b) attract the right kind of person. So think of some reasonable replacement thoughts like:
"I am a good person who is still looking" or "The right match hasn't happened yet but it will" or "I am working on improving my attitude" or "I have hope to meet someone right for me some day" or "I will find a new social outlet I enjoy, where I will meet people" or whatevertheheck thoughts BUILD rather than DEPLETE your self confidence.
Are you attracted to people with low self confidence, who think belittling thoughts and express disappointment in themselves? I think we have to strive to be what we want and especially to attract what we want. What do you think?
And the MASTER trick...........every single time the thought: "Something must be wrong with me" starts to emerge, sticks it's grimey little paws on your brain cells and tries to assert itself and strangle your self confidence...........it MUST BE STOPPED....in it's tracks, that thought, it must be evacuated and expelled!! It's not doing you any good to think like that......is it?
A therapist sounds like a nice idea too, even if it takes some searching to find one you feel comfy with. I'm sure it will be worth the effort and also a help to have another person to help you find weapons that work against self-destruction.
However.......all consistent, positive suggestions you make to yourself and the more you persevere at stopping all destructive thinking......... will take you a long way toward feeling better.
But it does take time and effort, no doubt, and consistency and determination. It's a bit like trying to recover from an addiction. You have to want it really badly.......to rid yourself of the stuff that's controlling your life and making it miserable.
Kinda like going on a diet.......of only good thoughts. To lose the negativity that clogs up the brain.
That's my opinion, ofcourse.

It takes a certain discipline and dedication but you're worth it!! You are!!

Sela