G'day mates,
One of the problems with being connected family wise to N's is you almost have to go in knowing that you offer yourself up as prey for them in trying conditions. Without fail I am angered that I put myself in their path.........again!
My N brother is in jail for violating a restraining order. His has lost his family, house, business, friends, and is having IRS problems.............uh simultaneously. I pity him for many reasons (to some extent), but I am only an object that is useful, or not useful depending upon his needs at any given moment. Fortunately I have a wonderful wife and kids of my own and I don't need to subject myself to his rituals because I see through them now, and my wife can't stand his behavior so I don't get any support from her when it comes to making any contact with him. Every situation he has is always a dire one, drug treatment, alcohol treatment, jail time, out of money, attempted suicide (put gun in mouth but bullet stopped in roof of mouth), and the list goes on seemingly one upping each time. Long story short:
I visited him in jail as he awaits his sentence. The people that he has offended hate him so much, with good reason, that it is hard for me to lend any support in his direction. While talking to him through the glass he breaks down in tears several times within an hour. He stress's the fact that I am all he has and he is so grateful to have a brother like me, and how everyone is out to get him, and well the whole "victim act". He asks if I will hire him when he gets out and in the moment I said (@&^%!)...........uh....sure. Then immediately after I say that I feel like such an idiot, Doh! Later on I tell my business partner what a stupid thing I said and did and we worked out a rigid option for my brother to work for the company, so rigid that he either won't accept, or will be in jail if he tries anything dishonest........again.
I am amazed at how dumb I can be sometimes, but at the same time I want to help my brother. I know and realize that I personally can't give him the help that I think he really needs, but at the same time he is at rock bottom and he will always be there and or worse in life, providing he does not attempt suicide......again. I have confronted him with issues in the past and thats like trying to catch a greased pig. Anyhow his life drama, or is it his dramatic life is once again reaching a new pinnacle and it is starting to tear the family a little.
Recently they divorced, and now he is basically single. I know that I have an obligation to the children as far as being a good uncle, however if I am consorting with the monster then the mother will have nothing to do with me or my family. It is hard when someone else's anger and hate is expected to be the same upon you. I am angry at him for my own reasons, but he is my brother. I understand the mess that he has created with leaving his family in ruins (and he did a masterful job). I do not know how far or in which direction to go, I could perhaps just put my head in the sand. Half of me says let him fry as this was brought to him by him, and then there is the brother thing of lending a helping hand (it literally cost me $70,000.00 the last time I did which is why I do not have much internal support from the wife and business partners). My N mom stands by him 100% of the time, and somewhat expects me to as well but I have my own family and problems to deal with. I could just turn him away.
I have done well to keep my distance the last few years, but I kind of let the vampire back in the door. Crap, I am so torn. It is hard to discern the proper obligations, because he has burned up all of the grey area. His Ex is so furious she is blasting him with both legal barrels, only to find out that the house she was awarded in the divorce is going to be given to the IRS, and she still owes even after that. Wish there was a more definitive answer to all of this, no matter what I am going to get wounded in this either by the culprit, or by friendly fire, or both.
Anyone have a sense of humor, for this one? I usually have a pretty good one, but.........well.......you.....ya.