Steps to get happy & NLP

[Healing&Hopeful]

Hiya all

I was reading a magazine the other day and there was an article on NLP and 5 ways to get happy and beat the blues so I thought I'd post about it here.  Personally for me, I found it really helpful... NLP or Neuro-Linguistic Programming to give it it's full term is something I hadn't heard of before.  What they said is that it's practical psychology.  It says that many forms of personal development tell you what you need to do, NLP tells you how to do it, using the body language and thought processes of happy, confident people.

Five steps to get happy:-

1.  Go to bed with a smile on your face.  Smiling releases chemicals to your brain which positively affect your mood.

2.  Stressed about a situation?  Separate and write down the elements you can control from the the things you cannot.

3.  Enjoy and celebrate who you are at the moment.  Self-improvement is easier when we acknowledge where we have got to already.

4.  Acknowledge the truth, let it go - and feel the tension evaporate.

5.  Make one change a week until your life is full of happy habits.

The article then goes on to give advice for how to make it work for you.....

Nab that Guy:-
Use his words - if you're chatting to a man you fancy, listen to how he talks, says NLP trainer Peta Heskell, author of The Flirt Coach.  Is he using visual words (i.e I like the look of that) or sound words (i.e that really clicked for me).  Speak to him in his language.
Match his speed - Slow down or speed up so you're speaking at the same rate as he is, then adjust to somewhere between your rate and his.  This makes him feel, subconsciously, that you're on the same wavelength.

Boost Your Love Life:-
Get Chatting - To up the feel good factor in your relationship, make your partner realise that life is great, advises Heskell.  For example ask him, what's been the best thing we've done together... then ask what, exactly, he loved about it.  He'll automatically feel happy just by thinking about it, and will associate you with making him feel that way.
Push his buttons - Think about hot sex and look at him intently but same something ordinary like, can you pass the salt.  He'll instantly feel sexy and not know why.  What we think affects our body language and people pick up on this, says Heskell.

Be Career Confident:-  This is the one I'm most intrigued about!
Memory booster - Whether you're giving a presentation or going for an interview, remind yourself of a time when you felt calm and in control, say Antonia Boyle, an NLP Practitioner.  It doesn't have to have been a work situation, it could have been while chatting with friends.  Now bring that memory to life - remember the details of where you were, what you heard and how you felt and your voice being confident and strong.  Next place the thumb and forefinger of your hand together.  This installs a positive trigger and every time you repeat it, it should help you feel calm and confident because you've linked that same emotional feeling to the movement.

Get Great Service - Using NLP language can help you complain by enabling you to persuade people that they want to help you.
1. Praise - I love your restaurant/shop which is why I'm a regular customer
2. Suggestion - So you can imagine how surprised I was when I got cold food/this top shrunk
3. Command - but I know you want to do everything you can to make it better so I'll let you decide how to restore my faith in your company

Slay Self-Doubt:-   This is my favourite of them all
Monitor your mood - when you start being negative, use the phrase "Shut up you gorgeous goddess", says Heskell... it will stop you in your tracks and make you laugh.
Switch your thinking - What we think is real is just the way our brains interpret what is happening.  Things like So he's dumped you, say to yourself "I'm glad I didn't spend any more time with someone who doesn't value me" (This is a great one in terms of thinking of my bio dad actually!).  Another one is you didn't get the job, you can try, "Now I'm open to all sorts of opportunities".  This reframing technique mimics how a confident person would view this setback and such positive thinking will soon become habit.


I found it really interesting and wanted to share....

Take care

H&H xx

[kheng as guest]

Thanks for sharing.  I found the article to be quite helpful.  I came across this statement that made a lot sense to me....

"The language we use shapes our thinking."

[Sela]

Thanks for posting all of this H&H.

I love number one.  It sounds like such a simple thing.  And it may or may not work, I have no idea, but it will surely give my hubby a good laugh!!  I'm gonna try it tonight!!

I believe wholeheartedly in the idea that our thoughts greatly effect the way we feel.

I think the first time I embraced that idea, I was a young teen and my friend's mother said:

"Think good thoughts".

I was shocked.    Who would think to say that?  I thought it was magnificent.

I started right away.

 

And ya know, it helped.  It helped a lot.  I had a real tough situation to live in and simply thinking good thoughts, some times, helped me to survive.  I felt better too!!

Ofcourse, when bad things happen.....I really believe it's very important to acknowledge our hurt and our pain and all that we feel and to at some point (preferably soon), let our feelings out.....release them.   To me, it's the only way to really let them go eh?

But afterward......or even inbetween......thinking good thoughts can really help.

How many stories of people who have survived great atrocities will include how people focussed on good thoughts and good memories and dreams and good plans and talked with eachother, to distract or entertain or simply........get away from the pain for awhile??

I think when people are in deep pain.......they need those breaks too and thinking good thoughts for a little while, won't hurt.....if they can muster them up.

Number two reminds me of the serenity prayer......which is loaded with wisdom and logic.  What's the point of focussing on stuff we can't change?  Isn't it a real waste of brain power and energy?  I find number 2 very logical and easy to accept.  I don't always put it to use...mind you.      Not always so easy to implement.

Number three is something I wish everyone did, every day of their lives.  I think it would go a long way in improving the way people feel about themselves and thus......as the article suggests.......move them along the road to happiness.  If we're happy with the way we are......or at least......acknowledge some stuff that we are happy with.......it's incentive to keep going and keep trying.  I think I can I think I can....like the little red engine eh?  (compared to bad thoughts about ourselves...... .......what's the use??   I'll never be happy. ..........that kind of thinking won't get many people on the happy road, I think).

Number 4 sounds like it's in reference to things like failures, bad experiences, weaknesses, etc.  Ya.  I think it's good to be real about stuff like that and by letting it go.......I assume they mean.......to basically disregard that stuff and go on regardless of it...without letting it drag us down.......just leave it and move on.
Sounds like good advice, I think.

5 sounds so easy and likely to produce satisfaction.  If not one change per week.......how about per month?  Or per quarter?  Or per year?  Either way......sooner or later........some good habits have to come about and that's gotta be a good thingy eh?  I like it.  Ok.......what do I want to change this week??  I need to drink more water.  I really do.  I'm going to do it!!   

I liked the whole thing H&H.  I've blabbed enough so it's someone else's turn.

Thanks again for sharing. 

  Sela

[mum]

LOVE THIS. Thanks for sharing. I like to think about how I feel when someone says: "How are things going?" If I say, "lousy", and launch into my tyrade of daily crap from my ex....as far as my brain and body are concerned, my ex is right there, throwing things at me in the moment....I feel horrible.
This is not to say, that a dear friend, asking me in sincerity, would not want to hear if I was having a rough time of it....but I am finding, that even though I AM having a rough time right now....it is not so rough, if I tell myself it is not so bad...
If I tell myself "LIFE SUCKS" well, guess what...it does.
It's important, though, to not deny our feelings if they are bad....but say it...loud and clear...and then>MOVE ON...find the good stuff (there is always good stuff) and focus on that. WE  make our feelings.

[Portia]

Hi H&H thanks for this, I like it and appreciate it

Can I add another please? Never apologise for existing. I exist and I'm alive! Love it and accept it and feel content with it!

I have a tiny grizzle with the phrase "Self-improvement" though. Kinda suggests my self needs improving. How do those who write these things know that about me? Does it mean we can all improve upon our basic selves?? Maybe.....improve how, and to whose agenda, whose list of 'what comprises the best self'?

Maybe there's a good enough self we can all embrace?

haha words. I love 'em, sometimes I loathe them when they can't do what you want them to do. I'm such a twerp I know. Getting analytical over one phrase. Who cares!

Well I do, why not eh....okay....how about : self-awareness instead of that value-laden word improvement? Yep, that sounds good. What do you think?


Edit in

Sela "Think good thoughts".
I'm so glad that had a helpful effect on you. Me, it'd drive me nuts.
I think maybe I'd feel immediately defensive. Like: oh...I think bad thoughts and that makes me feel guilty so i should think good thoughts and what are they? Does that mean I'm not allowed to think "I hate this house and I wish they'd both die!" or maybe it means "I hate this house and one day I shall be free of this, in the meantime, think good thoughts...." Sometimes I get fed up with my own analysis, I do. And I feel I'm being too 'negative'.....although I honestly think of it as....realistic. Hum ho.

[Sela]

Hi all:

Mum wrote:

If I tell myself "LIFE SUCKS" well, guess what...it does.

Yep.  Same here.

It's important, though, to not deny our feelings if they are bad....but say it...loud and clear...and then>MOVE ON

I agree.  I sometimes have trouble figgering out if I've said it all, got it all out, am I finished yet or what?  But when I start to feel like I want to move on.....I guess that's when I try to do that and maybe...that's the right time.   It's not like I can't go back, if and when I want to, if I need to or whatever.

...find the good stuff (there is always good stuff) and focus on that.

This is how to get from A(releasing feelings) to B(feeling happier).  And ya, no matter what, there is always good stuff to find.

WE  make our feelings

A lot of the time, I agree Mum.  Sometimes, I think feelings just happen too.  But what we do after that is certainly up to us eh?

Portia: 

Never apologise for existing. 

Yes!  Absolutely!  Celebrate existing instead!!  That's another good one!!

Hey P.  I didn't feel that way at all, when my friend's mother said:  "Think good thoughts".  It was said in a loving way.  It was good advice.  I didn't hear or feel it as criticism but as the sharing of wisdom. 

Sometimes I get fed up with my own analysis, I do. And I feel I'm being too 'negative'.....although I honestly think of it as....realistic. Hum ho.

Well.  Those are your thoughts.  If you really are fed up, then I suggest you take my friend's mother's advice!  Good thoughts are realistic too!  They are just including the good stuff (rather than concentrating on the not so good).  Not something anyone can do allllllllll of the time, for sure but if you try it, you might like it?  It's like a new excercise?  A thinking holiday?

(it's like chocolate for the brain.  Celebrate!!)

Sela

PS:  On edit: 

then I suggest

Ha!  Sounds a bit uppish!!  Sorry P.  I mean it might be fun?  You might like to give it a go?  Maybe check it out?

[Healing&Hopeful]

Hiya all (((((((((Hugs))))))))))

Firstly… where’s Hoppy?  How are you feeling today?

Ah yes, the serenity prayer….
GOD, grant me the serenity
to accept the things
I cannot change,
Courage to change the
things I can, and the
wisdom to know the difference.
Living ONE DAY AT A TIME;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardship as the
pathway to peace.
Taking, as He did, this
sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it.
Trusting that He will make
all things right if I
surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy
in this life, and supremely
happy with Him forever in
the next. Amen
Reinhold Neibuhr-1926
This is the full serenity prayer… I have it on an email saved in my drafts.  The first part of this is generally what everyone knows and what goes around on email.  It’s funny you should mention this as I felt I followed the first part of this…. And then when bio dad went on about how he followed it, I realised it was just how I interpreted it.

Yes I agree about valuing our feelings, speaking about them loud and clear, but then thinking of good thoughts to allow us to move on.

I found your perception of Self Improvement interesting Portia…. Can we embrace our good enough self and maybe allow for self improvement also? 

I agree with Sela’s last post…. We all have bad days/weeks/even years sometimes where good thoughts evade us, but I do believe we can turn it round ourselves.  I do believe we can turn our thinking around to help us if we personally want to spend the time and energy to do that.

Take care

H&H xx

[mum]

Sela, I am going to be a little picky on one minute point.  Feelings don't just happen. They belong to us and thus are under our control....being mindful means that we can choose how to feel, even if we are caught by surprise by our own  feelings.

I feel like a victim of circumstance when I say....feelings just happen. Shit just happens, but how I FEEL about it is up to me.  But that's not to say I always have to feel good... If I feel rotten, well, (stomping foot), damnit, I will own it...not the circumstance or the person who created it. In this way, I am in control....and not floating around like loose seaweed on the waves, getting pulled here and there.

My ex's antics right now are upsetting to my daughter and thus, to me....actually, it's like watching someone be tortured. But, I own these feelings. He doesn't get to have them or have any part of them. And usually, after a sufficient period of *&(^%$#^&*, I can choose to move on, and perhaps use that frustration and anger in a productive (for me and my daughter) rather than destructive way.  Until the next time (daily, I think) when the new raft of stuff is thrown at us....then I get to do it all over again.

[Hop guest]

Hi, H&H, hon...I'm here. Thanks for checking.
I've been buried in picking readings, etc. for a service I co-lead Sunday.
That's been a nice distraction from depression. I'm not freaked out about being depressed, just acknowledging that's why I've been sleeping (can't get enough), bingeing, and withdrawing some. I know it will pass, and in a few more weeks the ADs are likely to kick in. Meanwhile, I'm somewhat (just a little, you'll note) quieter than usual.
Enjoy it while it lasts! ((((H&H))))

Hey ((((Sela and Mum)))),
I like your discussion.
Thought I'd chime in with one way I think about feelings sometimes.
You can't help the way you feel, you just feel that way.
You can help what you choose do with those feelings.

The first line came from a counselor I had once, I tacked on the second (nothing original, but it seems to me that would also include choosing to process them ASAP, if you don't want to recycle certain emotions. Or at other times, might be choosing to let them carry full weight in you and stay a while. Whatever you, as a healing/learning organism, need to do.)

Good grief. Sometimes I bore myself.
I am really quite tired.

Will rouse myself and reappear though.
Thanks again H&H,
Hops

[Healing&Hopeful]

((((Hoppy)))))

Just a reminder that your not on your own hon... we're here with you.  I may be on the other side of the pond, but you're in my thoughts and I'm sending you lots of rest, good healthy food and good thoughts.

Sleep lots and look after yourself, you are such an important person and you deserve looking after you.... you might bore yourself but you definitely don't bore me.  Your post on feelings made so much sense to me.

You take care Hoppy.

Love H&H xx

[Healing&Hopeful]

((((Mum)))))

You are so wise and I always admire your strength in your posts.

Love H&H xx