What are good ‘board’ manners to you?

[moonlight52]

Hi Guys I feel locking  threads is one thing but deleting  threads removes the voices of all the others that were not causing problems.I do not know removing all those experiences just seems a shame for so many.
Respect is worth going the mile .We have all gone the mile a then some.
Moon

[reallyME]

bean,

harass you?  not hardly.  You must have me mistaken for someone with too much time on my hands.  I haven't even addressed you in a while, so respectfully DROP IT and LAY OFF THE PERSECUTION COMPLEX kick.

RM

[moonlight52]

bean I did not know Dr G wanted RM to remove  harassing posts to you of course thats why he had RM do that .I have not been sleeping well duh I do not have thinking cap on ,lack of sleep...........................sorry bean sometimes I am a big dope
thank you for explaining to me what was happening on the board  bean for some one that likes to think about Richard Feynman ETC I can be  really be dense................thanks for clearing it up! over and out Houston I loved it when Marta posted that.
Moon

[moonlight52]

RM      With all respect REALLYme, it could look like you are starting to harass bean here. I think you do not wish to give that appearance.

Moonlight

[reallyME]

With all respect, why doesn't anyone seem to notice that I've just been posting things about my feelings, saying NOTHING to bean, and she all of a sudden says I'm harassing her and threatens me.  Do you all not see the dynamic there with her?  If not, I forgive you.  I will continue to share my story and experiences with those interested.

Laura

[Hopalong]

breaaaaattttthhhhe....

Hope it's okay for me to ask this:
Bean, can you let it go now?
Laura, can you as well?

(if you can't make peace, you could choose not to engage each other, might help to let those sore feelings cool down all the way...?)

Just a thought. I think time will help if you trust it.

Today felt like a better day.
Hops

[Portia]

Good morning, good morning

Bean, good to see you again

the reason reallyme was asked to delete her posts about and to me is because they were harassing me and slanderous. This is not only against this board's rules, it violates laws in some states.   That is the reason why she was asked to delete those particular posts.

Bean, very serious questions for you: Are you absolutely positively sure that that is the reason and the only reason? Did Dr G confirm to you that that was his only, sole reason for asking Laura to delete her posts? Can you say that as fact?

My experience: ‘Portia’ has been slandered on this board. ‘Portia’ has slandered others too. Some posts still exist to prove this (nooooo please, I don’t wanna look them up). They haven’t been deleted. (An aside: ‘Portia’ is my board name. The person I am on my birth certificate hasn’t actually been slandered.)


Laura, I appreciated your posts except for:

so respectfully DROP IT and LAY OFF THE PERSECUTION COMPLEX kick.

Because this is telling Bean she has a complex. It’s hurtful. Ouch! Bean hurts! If someone told you that you had a complex, you’d fire right back yes? I think you would. So it’s saying ‘drop it’ and then firing off an attack. You attack, the other person is likely to attack back. And so it goes on and on and…..I forget who ‘started it’ and it just ends up a mess that becomes …. confusing really.

Is it helpful, is it productive, really? You could say yes, you’re defending yourself and telling the truth, but does that help you or others? If you believe that you’re okay, there’s no need to keep firing back. This isn’t a real war. You can’t get physically hurt here. If you know you’re okay, that’s all you need to know. If Bean thinks otherwise, that’s what she thinks. You can’t change what someone else thinks. Only they can change their own mind. Maybe she’ll change her mind about you if you stop giving her reasons to think you want to hurt her? 


Bean - do you really think that Laura wants to hurt you?


Laura - do you really think that Bean wants to hurt you?

[Hopalong]

Hi Portia,
My memory's not perfect but from what I remember Doc G's post directed RM to remove her posts and she did. But it was about Bean and RM, a specific situation.

What I would like most is if we all could end the PM now. Post-Mortem, I mean. And if small leftover sparks pop, step back, let them fly. Nothing flammable in cyberspace. Hmmm. Well, not true. But we could douse them gently (which you actually were just trying to do, weren't you, P?) 

That is what I wish anyway. So we can all let it heal.

(I was thinking there's never a perfect last word and all rough edges don't get polished away. That parallels 3-D life too.)

Just what I'd love to see happen. Maybe unrealistic, things that have been fiery can reflare, I know. Maybe we could not blow on the coals.

Yesterday was a much better day. Maybe today will be too.
(((((((Bean))))))) (((((((RM)))))))) (((((((Portia))))))) ((((((Anyone else who felt hurt by it all)))))))

A hopeful
Hops

[Portia]

Oh Hops. Good morning! I’m going to discuss this if that’s okay with you. Well, I’m going to say some things but you don’t have to join me if you’d rather not!

My memory's not perfect but from what I remember Doc G's post directed RM to remove her posts and she did. But it was about Bean and RM, a specific situation.

I don’t want to guess at Dr G’s motivations/reasons for his intervention but I agree that RM’s posts to Bean were part of it. However, I am questioning Bean’s understanding of the reasons for the intervention.

Bean, sorry , I hate talking about people, so I’ll talk to you.

I'd be happy if you could think about what you’ve said over the page and maybe think of alternatives? That’s all. I don’t think it’s as cut and dried as you put it there. I think there are other reasons. I’m asking you to look at it from a different perspective, with grey areas included. Is that okay? Do I need to be more specific in what I mean? I think this might help you, that’s why. There are other ways of seeing things. I'm not saying you're wrong, nor am I saying you're right either!

Back to you Hops.

What I would like most is if we all could end the PM now. Post-Mortem, I mean. And if small leftover sparks pop, step back, let them fly. Nothing flammable in cyberspace. Hmmm. Well, not true.

I think I know you’d like that Hops ((((((Hops)))))) because I see you as the harmony-maker. But peace doesn’t happen when folks still have their tanks lined up at their borders.

But we could douse them gently (which you actually were just trying to do, weren't you, P?) 

Sorry Hops but no. I’m not for dousing. I’m for understanding (self and others), and for peace and reconciliation if that’s eventually possible. I’m hopeful, persistent and a pain in the arse.

And I love you Hops, you know that I hope

[Hop guest]

 
Sure, I know that, P....   

I, uhhhh, I know! I meant dowsing.
You know, like with the y-shaped stick when you are looking for ....uhhh....the water of truth!
The springs of clarity! The fountain of understanding!

Just kidding. With a smile on my mug. But actually not totally kidding, that is what you do.

Go fer it, P. I trust your intention, always.

love back,
Hops

[Portia]

Hi Brigid

What is written here becomes a part of the history of what has taken place here.  I think there is benefit to looking back on discussions--no matter how delicate or potentially disruptive they may have been at the time.

I was thinking about this last night. I’m the sort of person who keeps old letters, diaries etc. In fact I have too much of that stuff! I value that kind of history because each time I revisit it, I learn new things (about myself and others). In some ways I’d like to junk the lot of it. I think keeping some of it is hanging on to the past, but I guess it’s a balance as always.

Some of the history here disappeared when the board software changed. I probably lost a few posts, I haven’t checked but really, there’s too much now for me to look at. And sometimes I think: I really must go and revisit that – and I don’t, usually, because today and now is more important. I can learn from looking back, a little, but not that much it seems.

Then I got to thinking about why I would want all threads kept intact. I was a bit sad when the last thread was deleted because I wanted to read Dr G’s post again (I skip read it only) but hey, that’s just me being nosy about what Dr G says. Is it of benefit to me? Not really. Just curiosity. What other reasons might I have for wanting threads kept? Maybe evidence, the proof of who said what to whom. Then I thought that was a pretty unproductive reason, who cares in the final analysis? I’m not here to prove myself right and others wrong am I? The actual events don’t matter so much as the progress that’s made to me. I’m more interested in where we are today.

If things disappear, get deleted, it is a shame but I think if there are things that still need resolving to us, then we’ll resolve them somehow. A bit like the repetition compulsion, we’ll keep doing the same thing until we realise it’s not getting us anywhere different. So we’ll create new things that will become history that we can then look back on! That’s what I was musing on. Thanks for getting me musing Brigid. I wish it paid!


Hops

just seen your post - you got me smiling - thank you and not just for your amazing way with words, which I completely appreciate and love

[movinon]

Hi all,

Just wanted to briefly address this:

My memory's not perfect but from what I remember Doc G's post directed RM to remove her posts and she did. But it was about Bean and RM, a specific situation.

I, too, asked Dr. G. to address this with RM.  I don't feel like it was an isolated incident.  I felt unsafe and attacked - even indirectly.  I did not feel the proliferation of hateful, degrading, condescending, and disrespectful attitude until RM started posting.  I even tried to post my own thread so that I wouldn't have to see her comments and she kept popping up.  When I tried to set a boundary, about her hijacking my thread, it was ignored and ridiculed.

I can pick a fight anytime in the real world b/c I KNOW it can be an unsafe place.  And I realize that conflict is a part of life and welcome a good "chew of the fat", HOWEVER, when someone RELENTLESSLY attacks people and BLATANTLY refuses to even TRY to meet halfway, it's time to say enough.  At some time, someone needs to come in and put a muzzle on the rabid dog or at least contain it.

Movinon

[Sela]

Hi all:

Portia, this really helped me:

Maybe evidence, the proof of who said what to whom. Then I thought that was a pretty unproductive reason, who cares in the final analysis? I’m not here to prove myself right and others wrong am I? The actual events don’t matter so much as the progress that’s made to me. I’m more interested in where we are today.

Thankyou.

  Sela

[Hop guest]

Hi, MO--
Yes, it was distressing, what was happening...

I just want to ask, can people give the rabid dog a little credit for trying (hard, I feel) to make a fresh start? I really would love that, not just because I'm a peacemaker, but because I feel the tone and content of RM's postings yesterday (except for that one snarl at Bean) was a major change.

She was open, shared detailed stories that made her feel more vulnerable and 3D to me, and it helped (me anyway) understand some of her aggression...

Maybe this belated anger venting is stuff people had...umm, stuffed...for a while. So maybe it does need to come out again. I can understand that.

I'm just chewing my nails a little over it. Because, well...busted. I do crave peace. But peace with substance, not just silence. (And fingernails are optional, imo.)

I'll butt out. I know people might need to vent some more. I guess because I am ready to let it go doesn't demand that everybody else line up with me like little ducks.

Aha. Just put myself in perspective. Ow! (I'm not in charge of the universe??  )
Well!  
That may have been useless to anybody else, but thanks for listening!

Love to all.
Hops

[Portia]

Brilliant! Okay, to respect privacy (but thank you to the person who sent it ), I’ll say someone sent me Dr G’s post from that thread. My big fat nose is being fed with what it likes! Too nosy for my own good I know.

Anyone want to read it again? I do I do! haha. No I really do. Dr G, hope you don’t mind (?) but this is what you said:

reallyME,

You are free to defend yourself but not use slander—there is no evidence that Bean meets the criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  Therefore you must remove such references from the board.  You can, of course, state your positions—to have your voice as long as you obey the board rules, and, at my discretion, do not compromise the general safety of the board.

I am also free to have my voice—although I would much rather speak through my essays.  I am Jewish and agnostic.  My essays are not religious, nor do they presuppose a God.  Indeed, they are humanistic—a position that you devalued in one of your posts.  I work with many people of faith.  We talk about faith, respect each other, acknowledge our differences.  These differences are a healthy part of our relationship.  While I don’t require others to share my view, this board has sprung from that mindset.

In one of your posts you said:  “As far as giving thought to others and their faith, sorry, not happening.  Jesus didn't, and I'm not.”  Nor does Osama Bin Laden.  This is a particularly dangerous position when inculcated in others—even if the teachings of Christ are added to the equation.  If you consider the Inquisition—and many other historical events—millions have died as a result of this inability to accept other forms of belief or non-belief.  You may want to read Sam Harris’ excellent new book “The End of Faith” for a full and disturbing accounting of this point of view.

But my main objection to your quote (and I believe the reason your reception on this board has been chilly at best)—the quote again:

“As far as giving thought to others and their faith, sorry, not happening.  Jesus didn't, and I'm not.”

is that this philosophy directly supports voicelessness.  Essentially, you are saying there is only one correct Voice:  Jesus/Yours.  Everyone else needs to change.  Narcissistic parents and partners provide exactly this message to the ones closest to them.  While you may continue to try to convert people to your views, I doubt that you will have any success in this venue.  However if you are truly interested in promoting and respecting all voices—and not just Jesus’s/yours, I am sure this community (which is dear to me) will welcome you with open arms.

Best wishes,

Richard
 

There’s so much in there that I like.

Bean and Laura, hope you don’t mind me posting that. I don’t want to inflame anything between you at all. Not my intention.

Darn, I feel like I’m going back on what I just said in the post to Brigid (re what you saw Sela) – I’m rehashing the evidence now. Well, maybe not, I just want to read it all again and heck, share it because I reckon I can’t be the only one who’s nosy around here? (oh maybe ….)


PS Hops – what???? I thought you were in charge today?? No? Well who the heck is then? Don’t tell me we’re without someone ready to tell us off if we go ‘wrong’ (or congratulate us if we go ’right’….funny that, we never talk about going right do we, but we do say going wrong…).