Okay, so the water feels a little warmer today, so I'm jumping in the pond for a swim and hope the alligators have had their fill for the moment.

Over the long weekend, I was sharing a particularly painful story of my past with my sweet b/f--who I will say is not a man of many words, so when he does say something serious, he has thought about it and is sincere--who turned and looked at me and told me that he wants to love me the way "I deserve to be loved."
That somehow seemed like one of the nicest things anyone had ever said to me and I told him so. The best part is, that I believe him, because I trust him. That is a huge step for me in the old rebuilding of trust game that I have been working on for the last year or so.
But that started me thinking about what is the love we deserve and from whom should we receive it. Do we expect to have to earn it from some, but have it offered unconditionally by others? What if those who should have (if you believe that) offered it unconditionally, never did? How does that affect our future with the whole concept of love and being able to accept it and return it? Does that completely distort our view of what love actually should look and feel like?
I would say that from my own experience and the many stories I have read here, that the obvious answer to my last question would be yes. I do think those of us who never felt love as children grow up with a very distorted view of love--probably don't even know what that means. Some of us view love as sexual attention, some see it as the need to fix or repair other damaged souls--which tends to make us more damaged in the process--some just keep trying to please those who should love us, in the hope that they eventually will; and still others just withdraw from the whole concept so as not to be further injured.
In my case, having children was the key to discovering what it means to love fully and unconditionally. But even with that discovery, it is not quite the same as feeling the love of adult to child (me being the child), or adult to adult. I could easily love my children and accept their love in return, but still not feel worthy of the love of another adult.
As I build this relationship with my b/f, after all my hours with my wonderful therapist, I think I finally am starting to feel worthy of the love of another adult who does not need for me to fix him or change myself to be something he wants. Even after learning of the difficult things I have dealt with in my life, he still wants to love me just the way I am. What I have learned is that love like this comes easily, gently, kindly and is basically devoid of angst, anger, pain and frustration. It is a strange, but wonderful sensation.
I was just curious how others have learned to offer and accept love gracefully or do you still struggle with that.
Time to get back on the bank in the sunshine--I'm starting to wrinkle.
Brigid