Not Quitting

[gratitude28]

Hi All,
I was pondering my existence and all that crap, and I thought about this topic I've been meaning to bring up...
I am finally learning to stick with things! Just because you put something aside for a bit doesn't mean you have to quit forever!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is one of my hardest lessons. I think it is from watching my mother flit from one thing to another without ever doing anything for very long. Occasionally, she does return to something, but she has a zillion pseudo-hobbies that catch her interest for about 5 minutes.
So... I am trying to put the idea into my head that everything can be long term. I don't HAVE to go to the gym for 4 hours, 6 days a week. It can be lifelong and for enjoyment. I can begin a hobby, put it down for a bit and return to it. (I do that with knitting now... summertime I generally switch to painting). BUT I DON'T HAVE TO QUIT.
ANyone else dealing with this?
Love, Beth

[Hopalong]

Oh my yes.
Quitting (or flitting) is my middle name.
I struggle with this all the time.

Seems to be if I get happy inside, then I'm happy about eating right and taking my walks. If not, I hurt myself by sabotage.

For me, one of the issues is I'm basically a creative type at heart, and I've been doing dull jobs (with high pressure deadlines) for so long now.

The poems and stories, or paintings...sit in the back of my mind undone.

Off to work, pick up the next worry off my plate, stagger on.

I think that's also excuse-making and part of it is rebellion, immaturity on my part.

But I'm so glad you started this thread Beth...thank you.

Hops

[gratitude28]

Actually, I am kind of lying when I say this. The truth is... I KNOW that I CAN stick with things now, but I don't for the most part. I do consistently paint (I make myself go to class) and I do consistently knit. The rest is hit or miss... Like you said, hops, I do a lot of sabotaging myself. I think part of it is being human, the other part is learning new behavior.

[gratitude28]

Well, I was somewhat exaggerating... but there was a period for about a year that I went for 2 or more hours a day at least six days a week. I had an onion butt... A butt so nice it would make you cry.
Now I've got a butt to make you cry, too, but not for the same reason 

[SilverLining]

Hi All,
 Occasionally, she does return to something, but she has a zillion pseudo-hobbies that catch her interest for about 5 minutes.

I have a newcomers question.  Is this flitting around among a thousand pseudo interests hobby a typical N behavior?   I've been noticing a lot of this in some people I know (including myself).   I have a relative who has about 30 pseudo hobbies, and she keeps herself supplied with the latest and most expensive supplies for each one (the real underlying hobby it seems to me is spending money).

And I've noticed the tendency in myself.  It seems hobbies only hold interest for a limited period of time, then I'm onto something else.   

[Certain Hope]

Hi tjr,

Flitting was part of my ex-N's behavior pattern, but I don't know whether that was so much due to the NPD or more symptomatic of his general lack of energy (he was quite lazy) with a bit of ADD thrown in. What definitely was a part of his NPD, I think = the way he'd talk in the grandest terms about all of these amazing skills he claimed to have (hobby-wise and otherwise) and seemingly always have some great project in the works. But it was all talk. These projects either never began or rarely got more than barely off the ground. I know alot of folks who are, to differing degrees, seemingly scattered, absentminded, not good about finishing projects, procrastinators (ouch, that would be me), overspenders on unnecessary items ... but these things in and of themselves do not make an N, I don't think. To me, the grandiousity is the key, along with the sense of entitlement (only and always the best for an N), and the false claims of ability/talent where there obviously is none. Also, I don't think an NPD person enjoys a hobby the way a "normal" person would or even engages in one for the same reasons (rest, relaxation, renewal, pure pleasure). With N, it's always for show, to impress someone, to gain attention. I really wonder whether they gain much real pleasure out of anything, actually. Hope this helps some.
Hope

P.S. to Beth ~ ~ ~     @ onion butt!! 

[mum]

With N, it's always for show, to impress someone, to gain attention. I really wonder whether they gain much real pleasure out of anything, actually.

and with that you have just described my exhusband to a T!!!!
Have you met him?

[Certain Hope]

Dear Mum, When I read of the current events you're having to go through with your ex, I shudder. In fact, I didn't even post on that thread (yet), because it hit too close to home. N reminds me of the monster in those horror movies who simply can't be destroyed.... just keeps coming back over and over. But still, I believe that they do trip themselves up eventually. The fact that N's sense of entitlement knows no bounds doesn't usually go over too well with the courts. It didn't with the judge in our case. By the way, to keep himself occupied, N filed a complaint against that judge and also against his first attorney, who refused to go to jail with him when he defied a court order. heh. Poetic justice.

Love, Hope

[mum]

Thanks, Hope. I wish my ex would step on his forked toungue and do such a dumb thing as yours. I am not too concerned about this. I don't think any judge will think his crazy plan is good for my d (his proposal is sooooo outrageous). things will work out.

[gratitude28]

Hi mum,
I was just reading all of your other post and I wish you the best in dealing with the beast. I can totally understand how he engaged you... no matter how much I was trying, if someone (especially their own father!!!!) insulted my kids, it would be hard for me to step aside. I hope the judge/mediator will see that message and his attitude about your daughter. That will certainly help you.
Lots of love to you and the speediest of caps on this whole awful situation.
Love, Beth

[reallyME]

I do believe the flitting about is both an adult ADD and an N behavior.  I've seen it too.

Personally, I used to flit about and never finish things, however, in going back to College, there is no way you can get away with that.  There are deadlines that assignments have to be done by, teachers that will give you "F" and the disappiontment of not being able to attain your career choice, if you don't keep up on things in your classes.  College keeps me very self-disciplined with finishing what I've started.  There is no choice in the matter if I want to graduate and get a good career at some point.  Welcome to the adult world of Responsibility.   

~ReallyME

[Portia]

Hi Beth, I think I have the opposite problem sometimes: I don’t know when to quit. Stayed in situations (jobs etc) where I should have decided to leave, but stayed on too long.  Think I have a problem with not being able to start things!

[gratitude28]

OOOhhhh Portia,
You got me with that one. I can't tell you the countless months I have wasted in jobs with mean people, unhappay as unhappy could be because I thought I needed to be "loyal." I always put in so much when I work, and I will take crap from an employer until I am actually ill before I will leave a bad situation. My husband can't imagine why I would do that to myself.
I am fortunate to be in a job now where I am happy, I give my normal 150%, and it is appreciated. It is nice for once. Maybe part of it is me changing. don't you think some people can smell a naive (or wahtever I am/was) person a mile away????
Beth

[pennyplant]

Just getting to this one.  I think I learned to be a quitter as a child.  It seemed like quitting was encouraged because then it meant less for my parents to have to do.  Quitting dancing lessons, music lessons, etc.  Then my parents wouldn't have to give me rides or go to performances or pay for costumes and instruments.  It's possible I would have become resentful if I had been forced to continue with things that I seemed to be losing interest in.  But with any interest there will be lulls in interest and enthusiasm.  I wish I had learned how to rise above that as a child.

I also have stayed with things too long in order to NOT be a quitter.  Jobs that made me miserable, groups that turned out not to be the right fit.  I learned from these experiences, sure.  But also wasted much time spinning my wheels and feeling stressed.

Balance--that is the trick to it.

The last few years, I have been flitting.  And I believe it might be a symptom of depression with me.  Losing interest in things that I was formerly enthusiastic about--I think that is why I have been flitting.  Starting projects and then abandoning them.  Having goals and then thinking in defeating ways and abandoning the goals.  Everything feeling like WORK instead of fun.  Everything feeling like "have to".

I haven't done any cross stitch in years.  Used to love it.  Don't read books anymore and used to love that.  Haven't journaled in months, though I think this place has taken over where that left off.   My gardens need more of me than they are getting.  Cooking--haven't done much of that the last few years.  My job has effected a lot of this too.  Odd hours, physical work, on my feet all the time.  My father was ill for a long time and needed a lot of help.  After all that, I'm just plain tired.  Still though, I do have spare time.  But I use it for day-dreaming quite often.

I don't judge myself too harshly for quitting things.  It feels like I'm in some kind of transition.  If I'm depressed at times, well, I'm just trying to learn from it.  Hopefully, I will find soon the things that make me feel alive, so much so, that I WANT to do these things more.  Right now, just trying not to be too hard on myself.

Pennyplant

[gratitude28]

Oh Penny,
The same thing happened to me with everything I did... I got so tired of hearing my parents whine that they had to give me rides/pay/whatever, that I would quit doing all sports and lessons. I NEVER asked my parents for anything, because it always became such a huge problem.
I am so glad you are letting yourself take it easy and ease back into things. I am going through that too now. I take naps often in the afternoon... a lot of times because I am wound up and don't know what to do with myself. I feel somewhat guilty about it. But I know I am not drinking and not hurting myself. Yes, I could be more productive, but I also need to give myself a break. My daughter always naps with me... so that is one sweet thing about my bad habit
Love, Beth