Personal Update ( for anyone who's interested! )

[WRITE]

well, I've had a rollercoaster few weeks mood-wise.

Still not got a new psych. My doctor friend is going to prescribe for me untilI get another, not that I am using meds right now, except for sleeping sometimes.

Still not got moods stabilised, though I have got much better at telling myself it will pass, which it mostly does; it's horrible though, I'm all over the place with anxiety and agitation, and though I am good at keeping it from most people it has scared away my new friend I think.

I find it hard to let people close because of it, but it is becoming more of an issue as I am getting gradually well- for a Bipolar 1 well anyway- and moving on with my life:
WHAT DO I SAY?
Do I tell people?
At what point?
( I just thought of a hilarious speed-dating scenario for my next writers' group! Nothing is ever wasted in Write's world...)

Most people don't need to know, but if I get in a romantic relationship it starts off loads of triggers and I can't hide my mood swings + I feel duplicitous not talking honestly when I am usually so open.

Give me some advice- about dating. About what you'd think about someone telling you they are Bipolar 1.

And shoudl I continue with the year 2 no dating? I was doing so well before I let my guard down.


I can live with disappointment, failure: it's hope really hurts!

[penelope]

hi write,

I am a firm believer that love doesn't have limits.  So you may as well tell any good candidate sooner rather than later.  I mean, I wouldn't put it in my profile or anything.  But after a month or so of dating someone, if it were going well, I'll tell them.  I'd say:  look, I need to tell you something that is hard for me to discuss...

this worked for me believe it or not, when I was first dating my b/f I needed for him to know about my anxiety disorder.  Funny thing is, when I finally casually mentioned it, it turns out he had an anxiety disorder too.  I really never would have guessed it.  So, maybe when someone is right for you, you just know and things have a funny way of working out.

We've lived together almost 2 years now.  If you meet a wonderful guy write, and he's the right one for you, this will just be information.  If not, better to find out sooner than later, right?

If you just want to meet some friends and casually date as in hang out?  I'd maybe not tell everyone.  Depends on what your goals of dating are.  Mine were to find a long term partner.

hugs, 

pb

[Hopalong]

Hi Write,
I'm really sorry. What a rough time.
Question: if your moods are up and down too much...are you not taking any Rx? Is it because you got into a gap in care when you left your old shrink and ran out of your medication? I hope if that's all it is you can get more asap...and then feel better.

As to what to tell a date, how about: "I'd like to let you know that I have bipolar disorder, and I am doing just fine on medication. Is there anything you'd like to know about it?"

That would screen out people who are not ready to accept you as YOU. And hopefully, you'll find the right one who thinks, Oh, there's another fact about Write. Interesting...must be tough. Sounds like she's dealing with it very effectively...now, what were we talking about??

That's what I hope anyway. (Maybe you could bring it up after several getting-to-know-you dates but before anything physical happens that would make you feel very vulnerable. I mean, while you're still fully comfortable about take-it-or-leave-it, kind of thing.)

Hops

[gratitude28]

Hi WRITE,
Sounds like you are still feeling a bit loopy as far as the roller coaster ride goes!!!
I don't think you need to tell acquaintances you are BiP... maybe a really good friend. I don't share that I am on antidepressants or that I am an alcoholic with anyone but my closest. I'm not embarrassed about it, but I just don't feel they need to know that much about me.
For a relationship... I don't know that I would mention it during the initial period. Maybe others will blast me, but I think it isn't a bad thing to get to know each other a little bit (see if you have the same interests, have fun together, share the same views of the world) and then, if things become more serious, I would bring up the subject honestly and with information for him. I had to tell my husband a "big secret" (I won't share it here...) but he decided it was OK with him and we have been stuck with each other for 13 plus years.
Take care, write, and know we are all thinking of you.
Love, Beth

[WRITE]

the saddest thing about it is- I know instictively if I broadcast it, I'll be sending out the 'vulnerable' signal, and attract yet more people who have problems they don't want to resolve but might want to act out.

Hopalong- I left my psychiatrist after she started acting out a few weeks ago!

I'm like a beacon to anyone with unresolved issues:

bring me your weaknesses, your store of wretched anger yearning to break free;
I will listen to you all, and then some more,
hoping someone some day will hear me!

oh I'm just joking, but honestly- I told my doctor friend who is taking on my prescribing, if you want to talk about you now is the time, I refuse to pay any bill where we discuss you or your issues.
She was deadly serious for a minute:
well, I have been thinking
I may have Bipolar....

I won't tell you what I said, there were two cuss words....

***

Does anyone date without trauma any more?

Is it my age?

The fact I'm an immigrant?

[moonlight52]

Write, We both are blessed with Bipolar I, not to be confused with Bipolar 2 (oh no, no one wants that tee hee)so Write my Darling

We do have the same thingy .Disorder.I really have been thu so much crap this Bipolar label and what people think is nothing.

What I have been prescribed by a P.H.D MEDICAL DOC.AND PSYCHIATRIST IS Trileptal 300mg 1 tablet every morn at bedtime
also I take one tablet one time a day toprol xl 50mg and the aLL time favorite because moon gets afraid for no reason(child abuse)T TOLD ME MOON YOU ARE NOT CRAZY YOU JUST GET VERY AFRAID SOMETIMES.
clonazepam 0.5 mg 1 or 2 tabs to sleep BI POLARS HAVE TROUBLE SLEEPING .BIPOLAR IS A DISORDER.I am doing well on meds have no trouble saying I need help and going to proper people to get help.I understand the genetic famity STUFF becauses also the trauma passed down thu family's thats way I forgive my father no hate, cycle stops here.I get my freedom and give my abuser his forgiveness
which he does not . Wanting that wold admit his guilt.HELL I ADMIT GUILT AND I AM SURE TO BE FORGIVEN BY MY LOVED ONES .I WISH THIS FOR HIM . BUT I DO NOT CONTROL THE UNIVERSE.
Love TO ALL
MOON

[WRITE]

yes, it is a blessing some ways, not least creatively.


I only use clonazepam if I am really manic Mlght- there are times i need to go to bed and stay there for a couple of days.

To keep a sleep pattern I have been using hydroxizine mild anti-anxiety.

Will look up trileptil. Is that something new?

I really am not afraid of my illness- but I am terrified that I might have to deal with the disappointment of new love relationships, or to address my mother's admonition from way-back which I thought was exorcised: \

YOU ARE UNLOVEABLE!

[gratitude28]

Write,
If someone is not willing to accept you fully, flaws and all, then he is not right for you. Not to say that BiP is a flaw, but your love, when you find him, will see your moles and wrinkles and dimples and everything will be nice to him. Good and bad. But it will take a risk to find that person. Also, I think sometimes it's a bit scarier to take the risk when we are older. But you are smart, wise and kind person. Someone will be lucky to find you. And you will know it is the right person, I think. ANd if you aren't sure... it probably isn't right.
Take care. Moon seems to have lots of good info!!!!
Love, Beth

[moonlight52]

WRITE, I do not think you do not need to tell when dating "I have bipolar as well ".

Maybe as a relationship deepens you would do that, but at first the scene is light your best foot forward and all that .

And remember the other fellow has imperfections as well .Do not make yours bigger than they are .

Hey let's talk about those lost manic fun manic days when we flew on Saturn's Rings...................

Oh those were the days what a trip and do I have stories............................

Moon madness has such loony charm...................................

MOON

[moonlight52]

WRITE ,THE TRILEPTAL IS VERY NEW AND HAS BEEN A LIFE SAVER FOR ME .THE CYCLES OF THE EVER UPS AND DOWNS HAVE BEEN SMOOTHED OUT.

WRITE THIS MEDICINE HAS REALLY HELPED.

ALSO A NEW MEDICINE IS TOPROL XL THESE ARE 2 NEW MEDS GREAT AND ARE REALLY HAVE CHANGED MY LIFE.

THESE HAVE NOT EFFECTED MY ARTWORK WHICH WAS WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR.MY T TRIED SO MANY MEDS UNTIL WE GOT THE RIGHT COMBO.

HOPES THIS HELPS

LOVE AND LIGHT
MOON

[moonlight52]

WRITE, YOU SO VERY VERY LOVEABLE
                HUGS MOON

[Hopalong]

Write, I take it back.
I think Moon and Beth are right...no reason you're obligated to "spill" something so personal to a nearly-new date. A very good idea Beth has to suss out the potential of the relationship first. If you spy that some man is the type of person who's likely to judge and reject someone for something they can't help (like BP)--well then, you might decide this relationship is not right for YOU, rather than wait to be rejected! You know? And if that decision's necessary, it could come out of a healthy self-love.

(Quite deserved, too. Think on that. This is your NEW tape you're making.)

And hear, hear for this too, that Moon said:

the other fellow has imperfections as well .Do not make yours bigger than they are

Absoflippinlutely. There are far darker things to be than a person with a treatable illness and a wonderful imaginative mind and soulful, determined spirit.

I'm glad to be so clearly mistaken.

Hops

[Portia]

Write, another view

I'll be sending out the 'vulnerable' signal, and attract yet more people who have problems they don't want to resolve but might want to act out.

Vulnerable? Or ‘interesting’?? (as one who doesn’t socialise, Write would interest me as someone who seems sociable, therefore balancing my hermit side)

I'm like a beacon to anyone with unresolved issues:

Maybe, but you are looking and you can decide who to approach. You don’t have to be only on the receiving end. You can be the one who approaches.

It’s not just who you attract – it’s who you are attracted to. You have personal agency in this.

Does anyone date without trauma any more?

Is it my age?

The fact I'm an immigrant?

Has anyone ever dated without trauma? Yes age brings experience and hurt with it. An immigrant? I doubt it. Is it about you - or about the other?

Maybe the men around you have baggage too, maybe they’re busy worrying about their own problems that they don’t have time to worry about yours. So maybe…………….look for someone who doesn’t home in on you like a bee to honey. Maybe go looking for the type who doesn’t approach you. Be interested in him, and you’ll stop worrying about yourself? But maybe these men will bore you!

[Brigid]

Write,
Having dated a fair number of men very casually before settling down with my now b/f for the last year, I would say that there is no reason to discuss your health issues until he has earned the right to hear about it by gaining a closeness that would warrant it.

At our age (I think I'm a bit older than you), almost everyone is on medication for something--be it high cholesterol, hormone replacement, high blood pressure, herpes, ad's, whatever.  Some of those conditions are life threatening, some are contagious, and some are just the annoying problems of aging.  What is worse, hearing that someone has had a heart attack, followed by by-pass surgery; hearing that your date has a contagious STD, learning that your date is a recovering alcoholic, or learning there is a psychological condition which is controlled with the proper medication?  I don't know.  Each individual will react differently to this kind of information, but if we want to find perfection in our 50's, then we better give up and learn to live alone. (you are the only perfect person you will find  ). 

I think there is the proper time and place for the sharing of this information.  I agree with the others that establishing that the individual is worthy of more of your time should be done before baring your soul.  I think if a connection is going both ways, he would at least be willing to listen and try to understand.  If he is not, then he is not worth any more of your time and move on.

As far as the vulnerability signal goes--when we decide we will begin dating again, we all become vulnerable at some level, or we can never let someone else into our lives.  Learning to be careful and smart about HOW MUCH vulnerability to expose is the tricky part.  For me, that meant keeping things casual and friendly until I had had enough time to see him in a variety of situations, see him relate to his children, hear about his work history and get a sense of his past relationships and why they were in the past.  Obviously, this takes time and the need to maintain some emotional distance so passion doesn't get in the way of common sense.

I hope some of that helps a little.

Brigid

[gratitude28]

Absoflippinlutely.

My new favorite word!!!!
Love, Beth