Hi Axa,
It's likely that the underpinnings of all that anger = a load of hurt, betrayal, and grief. Pride, too... after all, how dare they do this to me? And then fear, which is the glue, I think, which holds this toxic mix all together. Seems to be based on the faulty reasoning that if I forsake the anger, then I lose all protection against those who would consume me. A lifelong habit of operating in survival mode is not easily overcome, but I think that one of the first steps after recognizing the driving force behind our negative mindsets is to deliberately begin to form new habits of thinking. All emotions begin with a thought, possibly buried deep in the dim recesses, but a thought nonetheless. We do have control over which thoughts we'll allow to bloom into feelings. We also have a choice whether or not to act based on those feelings. I practice what the Bible calls "casting down vain imaginations" and literally envision myself choosing life over death each time I toss out one of those old thought patterns. It works.
You now have the anger out in the light of day. That's a great beginning! I don't know any way to overcome the flesh (thoughts, feelings, negative drives) other than by the Spirit. For me, this renewing of the mind is only possible when I focus on Christ instead of on myself or others who have wounded me. (Many times, I've been my own worst enemy, so this battle for the mind is a very real one to me.) For anyone though, I think that anger when it takes root as bitterness is the most destructive force there is, and again, forgiveness is the only way through. We can't receive anything as long as we have our fists clenched tightly around old rubbish. Gotta let it go.
With love,
Hope