Hey guys,
I did i! I did it! I made it back home in one piece. I didn't jeopardise my future or compromise my stand. It took about four hours of just listening to her going on and on with her intended plans for my sister and me to take ownership of her properties that the IRS doesn't know about yet. She went on, presumptiously, about how she was going to need us to promise in writing that we would do as she wishes with the assets once in our own names so that she knew she could trust us. To this, I laughed internally. She began to reveal her true financial state and it was horrifying. She admitted to being in a half a million dollars worth of total tax debt. (WHOA, I was thinking somewhere around 250K, actually). She also admitted that as of today she only had three more clients than myself. Now this floored me, as she has always had three to four-FOLD the number of my clients. Recently a disgruntled former manager of 18 years or more resigned from her to start a similar business taking six of my mother's clients and thier associated employees with her to start her new company. Other than that, I guess the clients were just unhappy and began to transfer to other agencies.
My mother was feeling very much like the weight of the world was falling down on her. She showed me a letter from the state licensing board advising of random audits to Nurse Practitioners where they would be evaulating their records to assure that licensed RNs have been taking the required continuing education credits that the field requires. Well, as you may have guessed, she hasn't got one continuing ed credit, not one. in 20 years. She did make it clear to me that prior to this letter and the sudden crisis in which she now finds herself, she was considering, returning to school to take some more "assessment" classes to freshen up her nursing skills. This, she said to remind me of her tendency in the past, to start a new school program everytime I did, (when I went away to undergraduate university she went to pick up a master's degree; when I went to get my master's, she returned to school to get her doctorate (in theology, no less), and now as I return for this bachelor's in nursing, she's suddenly interested in a few nursing courses again). Honestly, I think the only thing that kept her from competing against me in this way again, was her bad money problems. She just doesn't have it to throw around anymore.
She also made it clear, yesterday, that she is "raising" my sister to compete with me. Except only she will serve as my sister's partner in life, living with her, raising my niece, and running this business together. My mother's idea is that my sister will take some things in her name, (e.g., the business, the rental properties, the vehicles), and under my advisement will attempt to sell some of the assets, the proceeds from which I would hold in my name and assure gets properly administered to her retirement in an assisted living facility. She will keep the "big house" that has the IRS lien on it, as the sale of it would guarantee that the equity would go to the IRS. Hmmm... I thought and spoke. "So what are you going to do about the tax debt?" She looked at me with wild eyes and didn't immediately answer the question. After going on about her evasive plan that included me selling off property, doing a mountain of paperwork, making embarrasing phone calls, holding onto large sums of money, and then advising on the best way to allocate it, I let her teter out. She was not getting an affirmative response from me all along the way, this was frustrating to her, I could see. She finally offered me cash from her 100K insurance policy when she dies, to dole out whatever I wished to my siblings, if I would just take care of these things for her now. After a long silence before which she begged to know what I'm willing to do for her, I said in a quiet still voice.
"Actually, I think [my sister] should be in charge of things. She's been there for you these past several years and she's doing her best. I think it would be best for me to focus on my own family right now, and establish the very same things you're speaking of now, for my own daughter. I'm just starting out in life and I need to secure my own future. I can be a listening ear, but I cannot promise to perform on your behalf as your debts terrify me. Assuming your debts could place my future in jeopardy and the IRS has ways of finding things like this. I don't need your inheritance money. You feel as though you may die, due to the stress, but you may live another 15 years and if that's so, you will need all of your resources for your retirement, and money tends to run out quickly you know, especially with doctors bills and medications. My sister's been there for you, I think it's only fair that she runs the show."
My sister seemed suprised and happy to hear me say this and nodded her head in agreement. She gave a brief account of how difficult it is working for mom and how she just feels inadequate with regards to what it takes to run a business. She admitted that on a daily basis mother hurts her feelings in the office the way she talks to her and assumes she should know things about the company. She says this is stressful work and she's needs help and advice on the best way to run it. With regards to the rental properties, my sister quickly said as a "joke" to me, "I think we should sell them all and split it, ha, ha, ha!" To which, I raised an eyebrow and looked at mother who was on the telephone at the time. She has no idea of my sister's hand in her current and future downfall and I was glad I made it clear to my sister that I think she should be in charge of mother's affairs, not me. My mother was clearly disappointed in me, as she was hoping to rally her resources. She did tell me that she respected me and my decisions in life and would be glad if she could have my listening ear, some advice, and my prayers. All of which, I can, at my own pace, accommodate.
She did throw in later, that she would just get my sister to go to nursing school, take the money, buy them both a house down in the country, and run those businesses until they are great again. She also went on and on about how she wasn't just going to evade the IRS altogether, she said maybe she would sell the house and let the equity go to the debt, as a fleeting thought. She finished processing out loud mumbling about how she didn't think this would put my sister in trouble in any way, because she would never do anything to place my sister's future in jeopardy.... Well, mom, I don't know about that there, but whatever!
As for my brother, I am glad he has bought a little more time to think about his situation. Unfortunately, though I think mudpup's observations may hold true. He is an N. He would probably have taken my act of kindness as an "in" to my psyche and tried to do a little damage there. From my experience, N's don't necessarily appreciate kindness shown toward them. Sometimes they think it makes them look weak or inadequate. I think what he needs and wants should come from our mom, not so much me. Sometimes, I think I may as well be his third cousin or a family friend when it comes to just how well I know him and am expected to be there for him. I do like the idea given about composing a letter that says how I feel and sending it to him. It would be nice to be able to bond, but honestly, outside of what I could do to help him out of his current bind, I don't even think he cares. But I love him anyway, and I wish the best for him.
Thanks for the encouragement, guys. I feel blessed to have friends with such insight and concern.
Tiffany
