Boss Thoughts

[Hopalong]

Here's a thread for anyone who needs to vent anything, small or large, about their boss.

Here's mine:
Last March when I had knocked myself out night and day for weeks to edit this huge $2.5 million NIH grant for Nboss and was so tired that a few typos still slipped by (partly because he keeps getting the wrong file and screwing things up and just throws it back at me)...he told me:

"It's not really just that the funding has run out, but that I need an A person to do this job.
You're a C person."

Meanwhile, he can't spell or write clearly and I have pored over and over his documents and polished them to a faretheewell. So this year, he was too important to fill out the evaulation paperwork himself so he just sent me form and said "copy last year's." I didn't. I wrote a detailed and truthful depiction of the job, the work I'd done and the circumstances under which I'd performed, and included:
She played a crucial role in editing a major NIH grant which had been rejected on the first round before she was hired, and at that time NIH reviewers had observed: poor writing quality, riddled with misspellings and grammatical errors, significantly detracts from the presentation. I pointed out that "this critique was not repeated." (Meaning, once I got done with it, it was almost perfect, and NIH didn't say one word in the next critique about writing quality.)

I wrote it ALL up, submitted to him and left. Haven't heard a word about it since and my suspicion is that he hasn't even turned it in. Amazing.

Anyway, I was taking a walk tonight and that moment kept haunting me, when he made that remark, and I suddenly thought: making that comment, in private, to an exhausted and frightened middle-aged woman who has worked her heart out on this task and has genuinely contributed, knowing (he knows) how fearful she has been about retirement--this is evil. (Seems an absurd thing to say--but he used his power over my security ruthlessly.)

Do you think that's a warped thing for me to feel?

Hops

[penelope]

warped?  nah

Just human hops.  When we witness evil, we feel and sense uncomfortable things stirring within.  There's a reason we can sense evil - God made it so.  Sometimes the sensation is great enough that we do take action, and that's its purpose.    But it's not pleasant.  We don't like the uncomfortable feelings some people invoke in us - so we don't like ourselves.  But if we take a few steps back, we can see it's just a normal reaction.

Sometimes I do things myself that I don't like - and then I feel bad, and possibly try to shift the blame to others.  But when others do things we sense as evil - perhaps its cause we know we are capable of it too??  But we've held back, we've acted good, done the responsible thing, held out despite the temptation... when others do things that make us feel bad, we're allowed to think them evil.  Who knows, maybe all this guilt is for a reason?  What do you think.

hugs,
bean

[Hopalong]

Whew. Heavy questions, Bean.
I don't really know, and I suppose I shouldn't judge him.

Ii do know I fear him, that he sensed it, and that he has used that power (dangling hints about my security over my head--just as my mother did for years about whether I could keep the house) nonstop.

Today, for example, I did an excellent job on an edit he needed so he sent praise. My inner voice said, uh-huh, you are just doing that so I'll keep slogging and get you another fat grant to live on for the next 5-7 years, so you retire in comfort with full pension. But end of month? I'm on the sidewalk. The money goes to keep YOU secure.

I resent the hell out of it. Yes, he's earned his position. But I have too.

Grrr.
Hops

[October]

Do you think that's a warped thing for me to feel?

Hops

Quick reminder here, for anyone who needs it (starting with me, because this is a toughie).  Feelings are allowed, and are neither good or bad, they just are.  It is behaviour which can be judged, but not feelings.  Feelings are not behaviour, and do not necessarily lead to acting out.  They are just feelings.

And no, Hops, it is not warped to feel trodden on when someone has trodden on you.  It is natural, and normal to feel resentment after having been used in this way.  Your boss sounds like an insecure man, who thought he could bolster his own ego by crushing yours.  Sadly, it works the other way round.   

[Portia]

"It's not really just that the funding has run out, but that I need an A person to do this job. You're a C person."

               

Treat is as joke (because it is a ridiculous thing to say): Slaps thighs and says: “Haha! V-e-r-y f-u-n-n-y joke boss! You kill me!” <walks out laughing and shaking head>

Nonchalant (who cares what he says?): Shrugs and says: “Huh? Well you got me, I done the job.” <wanders out to get coffee and chat with colleague>

Angry: Approaches desk and towers over boss: “If you needed an ‘A’ person you’d have to pay A person rates and you don’t have the cash to do that honey! And do you think an A person would work for you? You’re lucky you have a C person working for you and not a Zeee!” <storms out and slams door, if there is one>

Straw broke camel’s back: “And you’re a complete and utter jerk. I resign.”


I suppose I shouldn't judge him.
Why the hell not? ????????????????

I resent the hell out of it. Yes, he's earned his position.
BAH! By being a jerk and a bully.

But I have too.
But he’s never going to admit it. He’s going to miss you, a lot, make no mistake. His problem. Good riddance.

Just thought I’d do the emotion you maybe didn’t do Hops. 

[penelope]

I do know I fear him, that he sensed it, and that he has used that power (dangling hints about my security over my head--just as my mother did for years about whether I could keep the house) nonstop.

The dangling subtle hints are the worst, and most damaging IMO.  When you try to express for them to stop, or tell the story to someone else, they think you're nuts for caring or worrying about something so minor!  But it is like a corrosive weak acid.  Given enough time, the acid is a effective at dissolving your optimism and esteen than a concentrated fat hit of it.

I think you did good with your review hops.  He won't read it, or if he does it won't make an impact, but You did the right thing, and you know it.

love,
bean

[Hopalong]

P! Got ya! I told you you're a swashbuckler!
Thanks for riding to my defense...
P...charges into sunset w/sabre flashing, head of Nboss bouncing from her saddle...

Yikers! My fantasy life! But thanks.
I DO know he said something contemptibly low to me.
I think he knows I know it, too.
I underreacted. Basically, stayed gentle, but quiet.
I think that got him more...

Ironically, today he called me to say, I've made a huge mistake, and I walked him through how to rescue it. He's all about public piety and propriety, has Bible quotes in his work email signature that refer to...oh I dunno. His name is Dan, and he adds: "And God said, Daniel, do you love me or love my gifts?" Oh my, impressive humility. Meanwhile, he soitenly ain't be kind to me. I don't love him!

And I am certainly at least a B+ person. 

Thank you too Bean. Office politics are odd but every now and then you've just got to tell the truth whether somebody wants to hear you or not. I think he knows full well the fairness of what I wrote.

(((((P & PB))))

Hops

[gratitude28]

hopsy

You are da bomb.

Rewriting your letter was AWESOME!!!!!

I am betting you he treats you like that because he fears you.
Honestly, I have to defer to my boss to make him feel superior at times or else he gets all out of sorts. Like with you, I write well, he doesn't. I help people clearly, etc...  Although he can be a monumental pain, he is mostly kind... And he does sing my praises to others. All in all, it's a better situation than I have ever had.

Hopsy, like others said, you can't change how you feel. And he is a jerk... And I am sure he knows he acted like a jerk.

Lots of love and hoping you know how impressed I am by you - your work and your expertise at dealing with your personal issues!!!!
Love, Beth

[Plucky]

Ironically, today he called me to say, I've made a huge mistake, and I walked him through how to rescue it.

Hi Hoppy,
when will your book, The Jerk Sagas, be coming out?

Also, I guess I think if I just keep on saying it, one day you will put those N traits we all learned to some good use.  Allow me to rewrite that scene:

Hoppy, as narrator: Ironically, today he called me to say, I've made a huge mistake.
I said, as if I hadn't really heard him, Oh I've been meaning to phone you.  Have you sent my evaluation in yet?
Dan:  Well no, I uh..
Hops:  Because that is really the top thing on my mind.  I'm having a hard time focusing on anything until I am assured it has been sent. You sent it as is, didn't you?
Dan:  Well I made a few....
Hops:  Good. Unless you need me to come in and review the revisions?  I could drop everything and drive over say, day after tomorrow?
Dan:  Before we talk about that I have an emergen---
Hops:  It's so nice not to be at work any more!  No offence, but being at home and not having to do anything in particular is just so nice.  I wish I'd been liberated years ago.
Dan:  Listen I really need-
Hops: Well it was so nice of you to ring me.  Thanks for saying hello and just let me know when the eval is done, I'll pop right in. 
Dan:  (Collapses in tears and admits all his sins towards Hoppy.  Hoppy helps him with his little problem and he writes a glowing letter praising her for all her hard work over the years.)

a fantastic
Plucky

[Hopalong]

 

(((((((((((Plucky Shakespeare)))))))))

Hops

[Portia]

Plucky play much appreciated. Brilliant.

Hops
I underreacted. Basically, stayed gentle, but quiet.
I think that got him more...

precisely, best option too. Wouldn't suggest you do anything I said, that was just for your inner hooligan (we gotta have them, they tell us the truth, so we don't act on it)

[penelope]

I got the monkey off my back this week...


We'll see about next week though.  This is cyclic.

bean

[Hopalong]

That's awesome, Bean! Details when you're not too tired?

And Beth, I'm sorry I neglected before to thank you for that lovely, affirming, warmhearted post. I truly appreciated it, and it was a joy to re-read just now.

Plucky, you know, what's so odd about your "play" is that the "liberation" you had me saying is exactly, exactly how I'm going to feel if the medical-retirement (my new euphemism) comes through. 

big hugs all, and I hope this thread stays active because people NEED to vent about all sorts of bosses!

Hops

[penelope]

Well...

I realized I've been going about this all wrong, cause I've been trying to talk sense into the N boss and his cronies.  They all have those enabling annoying henchmen, why?

Anyhoo, so as not to make it seem like he's harassing/arguing with me, I think he's been feeding his views to another of my coworkers..  This time, though, its not the woman I've complained about before, it is another fellow...  One of these two are in his office constantly.  It's one of the reasons that even if I wanted to speak with him it'd be difficult cause these two take up an inordinate amount of his time (it seems to me, anyway).  They are both young - er.. well younger than me.  I feel like they say whatever he's spouting, probably to try to make him happy.

Anyway, I've been working on a project for quite a few months now, and the group I'm working with seems happy with me.  I got a chance to peak at the leader's proposed plan (goes to our customer, who I've also been invited to meet with, with the group, once a week), where they break down the hours each contributor should theoretically be spending on the project.  Well, I was happy to see my hours were up around 100 for each of the months of October, November and December.  This is about half-time for me.  The only other guy who had more hours than me was the guy I've been working closely with, and his hours were 120 for each of these months.  So, that tells us our team leader likes what we're doing and he'd like us to continue, and he has now gone to our customer to ask for approval and the money to do it. 

Anyway, this is the point my boss tried to argue with me (about a month ago) in one of our meetings.  He tried to tell me that the fellow (the one I referred to above) was "approved" to work half-time, I was approved for 1/4 time, and another fellow was approved 1/4 time.  I tried to tell him politely - No, based on my conversations with the customer, they'd like me to keep working this-  he kept interrupting me though and got visably annoyed. 

I think my boss would like this fellow to get the work.  But on the plan he's only approved to work 10 hours for the months of October, Nov & Dec.  (this simply says the project leader does not perceive him to have the correct expertise for the project)

It's all kind of silly cause I am the one with the expertise in this area, and am logically the one who should be working this project.  But I feel like I have to fight with my boss to make this point.  And now the fellow he'd like to have working the project seems to be jealous/fighting with me too.

I've given up arguing with them, and have handed this over to others to worry about (those making more money than me).  If my coworker continues to try to work the project, it's not my job to tell him to stop, it's the project lead's.  All I can do is work the project as I've been instructed to and now worry about what anybody else says or does.

Sitting on my hands has been tough, but I've managed to do it all week.

At one point, my coworker was copied on some emails summarizing a meeting he wasn't invited to (as he's supposed to be working the project some, so they were keeping him in the loop) and he replied, copying me and our boss: I'm just curious, was anybody from our group involved in this meeting?   The meeting organizer responded:  Oh course! Bean coordinated these meetings from day 1, she just couldn't make it this week

It took all my strength not to reply to this, but I managed, somehow...

bean

[Plucky]

Yes Bean,
just let it go.  It is a job, not your life.  You are being paid to go there and do what you are told, basically (everyone is).    If they want you to waste time and nod and smile, so what? 
You can never benefit by publicly contradicting an N, or any kind of bad boss.  Bring it up later in private and spin it so it was all his idea.  Otherwise you are just making yourself a target.
Good luck
Plucky