Hi all,
Mrs. Grumpygrouch here. My birthday is coming up in 2 weeks and I'm already turning into the B from hell. Last year I sat home (H had to work and D1 was off having fun) with DD2 and DS. Traditionally, my birthday has never been a day I've enjoyed (has nothing to do with getting older) although in years past I've tried hard to be happy, now I'm usually grumpy and just glad when it's over. I don't want anyone to do anything special for me, it makes me very uncomfortable. Early in our marriage H didn't care about making my b'day special and we won't even go into how my parents didn't usually give two toots about my birthday. I think I have a lot of built up anger actually, at least that's what I'm feeling I think as I type this. Anyway, I don't like being "special" on a "special day" because in reality other than DD2 and DS, no one else thinks I'm special. I hate the fakeness of "special days", holidays, etc... You know no one really cares if you have a good day, a good Christmas, a good Thanksgiving, etc...
ANyway, since I sat home last year for my birthday and was miserable I decided that this year I'd plan something to do. No more pity party, I was gonna take the bull by the horns. So I contacted some cousins (DH has to work) and we were planning to go out THEN cousin #1 realized that's the day of her daughters baby shower but she just gushed and went on about how after the shower we'd all go out and have SO MUCH FUN! Then cousin #4 calls today and asks if I know about the shower and tells me she's just found out about it and was told by cousin #3 that she probably isn't invited and then said she didn't see how she could go out for my birthday that night with all of them when they haven't invited her to the shower (she has a valid point---she lives in the same town with them and runs into them sometimes and they act as if she doesn't exist---kinda the same way they used to treat me). I should back up here and add that cousin #1 especially didn't use to give me the time of day. She'd literally drive past my yard and pretend she didn't see me (we lived in the same neighborhood). NOW, her parents live for free in a house I own because her mom took such good care of my parents as they were dying and it was a deal my dad made with them before he died. I've continued the deal, of course, although I'm not bound by anything other than family loyalty. Ever since cousin #1,2, and 3's parents have been living in my house, cousin #1 has acted like I'm the best thing since sliced bread. Cousin #4 said today, "You know they'll probably back out on your birthday thing at the last minute, say they're too tired after the shower. " And then we discussed again how nice they are to me now, now that their parents are getting a free residence BECAUSE if I were to want to sell the house or rent it, then cousins 1,2 &3 would have to come up with $$ for a place for their parents to live.
As if I don't hate my birthday enough as it is, now this monkey wrench. So I think I'll just tell my cousins that something else has come up and I'll probably sit home again. Why not party with friends?? Don't really have that many, I don't like most other females, or I guess I don't feel comfortable with most females. I get along with and like guys much better than I do other women. I tell myself I should make friends, but I just can't make myself get out there and do it.
Guess I could throw myself a big party somewhere, but that would cost a fortune and what if no one showed up????
Then there's Christmas coming. Just thinking of Christmas makes me want to cry. All that forced holiday cheer.
