Author Topic: What do you do when you can't accept love/happiness?  (Read 4262 times)

adrift

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What do you do when you can't accept love/happiness?
« on: October 10, 2006, 11:51:13 AM »
I'm realizing more and more this is a problem for me.  I sabotage myself.  I guess I'm not comfortable with accepting love so I hurt myself or the love relationships.  Yes, I've got the number for a great counselor, just now gotta make myself make the call.  I think I feel as though I deserve to be punished and therefore I punish myself.  I don't feel comfortable getting out of my routine of abuse.  Gee, I see the signs yet go the opposite direction.  Actually thought of trying cutting to relieve the pain (NEVER thought I'd sink to this) but I know if my marriage is ever officially over, hubby could use it against me to take away the kids and I couldn't live without them.  So I won't cut.

pennyplant

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Re: What do you do when you can't accept love/happiness?
« Reply #1 on: October 10, 2006, 11:56:53 AM »
Hi Adrift,

I bet just making that phone call will take such a load off your mind.  You don't have to think much farther ahead than that phone call.

You do deserve love and happiness even if you don't feel like you deserve it.

((((((((((((((Adrift)))))))))))))))))))

Love, Pennyplant
"We all shine on, like the moon, and the stars, and the sun."
John Lennon

Portia

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Re: What do you do when you can't accept love/happiness?
« Reply #2 on: October 10, 2006, 11:58:18 AM »
Glad you decided against cutting Adrift, good reasoning too.

What do you feel about making the call to the counselor?

I rang a therapy place once. I had a panic attack just making the call.

Have you picked the phone up, what does thinking about making the call feel like?

moonlight52

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Re: What do you do when you can't accept love/happiness?
« Reply #3 on: October 10, 2006, 12:35:14 PM »
Adrift ,

I am glad you have decided to call T.It is a great first step .


I think you will feel so much better and a great relief to talk to a counselor.

Love,

moon

WRITE

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Re: What do you do when you can't accept love/happiness?
« Reply #4 on: October 10, 2006, 03:08:21 PM »
Cutting will be scary for people around you, make the call, go see the counsellor, see if they can help.

The best thing I ever did was therapy.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))


adrift

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Re: What do you do when you can't accept love/happiness?
« Reply #5 on: October 10, 2006, 04:33:15 PM »
THanks guys.  I've gone to counselors before---not always the greatest experience but it's o.k.  I've never stuck with one long enough to really do any good probably.  I'm really not as "crazy" as I sound.  If you knew me in real life you'd think I was the rock of Gibralter. You'd look at me and think "boy, she's got it altogether"  (well I THINK that's what you'd think)  :)  That's why it never surprises me when someone commits suicide because (even though I've never attempted it) I know how good we can keep it together when inside everything is falling apart.

My best friend is, or was, a cutter. She didn't even tell me she was cutting for a long time.  She's going to this great counselor now and  I think she's  stopped cutting, we haven't discussed it lately.  No one would have suspected it of her either, or suspected the times she's cut her wrists.  Her mom really messed her and her sisters up in childhood and my friend (age 33) is just starting to deal with things (like her anger and distrust of her mother) and get her life together.

Portia

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Re: What do you do when you can't accept love/happiness?
« Reply #6 on: October 11, 2006, 05:48:55 AM »
Hi Adrift

you don't sound crazy to me, really. I mean it. You sound lucid and rational.

How about taking a day off being punished? or half a day, or an hour or so?

If you deserve to be punished and you punish yourself: would going against that pattern - i.e. phoning the counsellor, making yourself attend the appointment - can you switch that around and see that as punishment instead????

If punishment is your comfortable place, then moving out of it IS like a test of bravery against threatening things. Life-giving things are scary? Be scared. Accept that someone other than you can help you and take the terrifying leap of turning yourself over to someone else. ?

Let go the control and see how scary that is?

Glad you posted back. What do you say/ feel?

adrift

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Re: What do you do when you can't accept love/happiness?
« Reply #7 on: October 11, 2006, 06:34:02 PM »
Hi Adrift

you don't sound crazy to me, really. I mean it. You sound lucid and rational.

How about taking a day off being punished? or half a day, or an hour or so?

If you deserve to be punished and you punish yourself: would going against that pattern - i.e. phoning the counsellor, making yourself attend the appointment - can you switch that around and see that as punishment instead????

If punishment is your comfortable place, then moving out of it IS like a test of bravery against threatening things. Life-giving things are scary? Be scared. Accept that someone other than you can help you and take the terrifying leap of turning yourself over to someone else. ?

Let go the control and see how scary that is?

Glad you posted back. What do you say/ feel?

THanks :)  Very interesting perspective.  Thanks for not thinking I'm crazy :) 

Portia

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Re: What do you do when you can't accept love/happiness?
« Reply #8 on: October 12, 2006, 07:54:40 AM »
Hi Adrift,

Reading you I remembered when I thought about stopping smoking.

Without the nicotine, I started to feel healthy and ….. that didn’t feel like the person I think I am. It felt scary. Isn’t that weird? :? Does this sound similar to your idea of punishment?

Making changes is frightening. Moving comfort zones - (even when they make us uncomfortable and unhealthy in the first place!) – is always scary.

Fear! It’s a bummer :D. Yes I meant it, you sound sane to me. 8)

Hopalong

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Re: What do you do when you can't accept love/happiness?
« Reply #9 on: October 12, 2006, 08:01:34 PM »
Wonderfully put, S & S!
I dont go for the hard edge
give-homework-pushy type therapist. Good luck in finding the right therapist


I couldn't agree more, and you summed it up so well.

It's nice to see you so actively posting...I hope you have a wonderful, contented weekend.

Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Trophywife

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Re: What do you do when you can't accept love/happiness?
« Reply #10 on: October 13, 2006, 01:07:47 PM »
Hi, all!

I've been lurking for a while, yet this is my first (second?) post.

Every problem begins in one of the realms we don't talk about too much. I think all problems are spiritual ones at base. No, I'm nor going to suggest any kind of religion..or any kind of belief.

I am going to suggest looking into ways of clearing out well, energy toxins, for want of a better term. Emotions have a physical component. Their codes are carried along by neurotransmitters, and the emotions get stored in our tissues. If we don't clear out our energy systems, they get clogged and "dirty" just like our physical bodies.

Or think of it this way: if we are programmers coding ourselves, and we never clean out our code, who knows how the software will react once it's been bloated with junk layered upon junk?

One way of clearing these out is with the emotional freedom technique (EFT) and its related methods. You can learn to it yourself for free or almost...just google Gary Craig and EFT.

The idea is that it's like acupuncture without the needles. You recall the distressful situation, which enables the mind to locate it in the body. Next you tap on that meridian, while saying a series of phrases. You literally shake the negative emotion loose so your body can get rid of it.

Now, what's nice about this is that many of the phrases teach you to love and accept yourself.

In fact, a sample phrase might be: Even though I have no friends and people think i'm weird, i deeply love and accept myself.

Or, even though i have this pain in my leg, i deeply love and accept myself.

Or, even though my body is letting me down, I deeply love and accept myself.

It even feels good to say the phrases without tapping...we could all use more self-love and acceptance.

Many variations. It's the cheapest, most effective way I know of to make deep-seated changes rapidly.

If you want a counselor, I would suggest talking to Maryam Webster. I don't know her, but I've been thinking of taking her energy coaching program so I could become more proficient at using the techniques with others. 

http://maryamwebster.blogs.com/about.html

As an aside, cleansing is at the base of every good natural health program. That's why we fast...it's not as a punishment...it's a way to get the cells to release those stored up emotions. Lots of water to flush them out of the body. Even colon cleansing! The cells get happy and don't want to store this stuff anymore.

Oh well...I'll stop here. Maybe I'll introduce myself later.

Blessings!

- TW



penelope

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Re: What do you do when you can't accept love/happiness?
« Reply #11 on: October 14, 2006, 09:12:26 PM »
hi adrift,

your friend sounds very strong.  Do you agree?  Asking for help is a tremendous sign of strength, IMHO.

sometimes not accepting love/happiness feels safe, as we are used to this.  But what we miss out on is also giving love/happiness, and most of us are connected to people in some way who would miss out terribly if we did not give.  So it is a gift to ourselves and others if we can "get better."  I believe you can get to that point adrift.  And I believe that you want to.

love,
bean