The Four Agreements (again)

[Portia]

Again , because every time I revisit these, there’s more to understand and apply to everyday life, for me. I used to be bugged by number 2, now I’ve moved my focus to number 3. You?

Miguel Ruiz - The Four Agreements

Everything we do is based on agreements we have made - agreements with ourselves, with others, with God, with life.

But the most important agreements are the ones we make with ourselves.  In these agreements we tell ourselves who we are, how to behave, what is possible, what is impossible.  One single agreement is not a problem, but we have many agreements that come from fear, deplete our energy, and diminish our self-worth.

The Four Agreements offer a powerful code of conduct that can rapidly transform our lives to a new freedom, true happiness, and love.


1.  BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD

Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.


2.  DON'T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY

Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.


3.  DON'T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS

Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.


4.  ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST

Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

[Hopalong]

#4's the bear for me, P.
I don't always try hard enough.

Hops

[WRITE]

I picked this up in Borders the other day, had a look.

Number 3 is the one I am struggling with- I make a lot of assumptions because of my bipolar and haven't found a way of communicating about it without scaring people off in the first instance but not mentioning it leaves me feeling I aren't being totally open either....

I'm on track with the others 

[moonlight52]

Hey Guys ,

I want to work on all of them.

I rejoice that I understand all of them and now believe enough in myself to have a real "go" at all numbers #1,#2,#3, and good old #4.

Having a good attitude and being realistic helps along the way.So I am on track with all knowing my awareness of the four and keeping them in mind and putting them in practice now.

moon

p.s. #'s 1 and 2 are the easiest for me .Thanks ((((((((((portia)))))))))))))))))) Your timing is cool. 

[Gaining Strength]

Thanks for bringing this up again Portia.  I really find this
profoundly helpful.  #2 gives me great courage.
#1 is particularly difficult because I am just now
beginning to work through paralysis.  In it I want to
do things or feel obligated to do things and
so make agreements but then feel so
overwhelmed and frozen, unable to follow through.
Now, I find that asI make accomplishments here
I will find a way back into life and find my power.
 - GS

[moonlight52]

((((((((((((((((((((((((GS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

GS WOW I am so happy to hear you are finding your power .
Your strength and determination is dazzling. 

Your friend ,

MoonLight

[Gaining Strength]

Thank you Moonlight.  I must begin to find a way to push myself and develop a way to identify and overcome the
dark stuff that stuck like velcro way too young. - GS

[Hopalong]

Hi GS,
Would it make any difference if instead of saying must and have to, you tried someting different? What do you think would happen if you ...invited yourself?

What if just for a few moments a day you tried an emotional exercise. Just for the hell of it. Took a few of those quiet minutes and did this: Spoke aloud to yourself, inviting yourself to let go of a piece of the pain and hand it to your capable inner friend. What if you spoke this in the friendliest, sweetest, most supportive kind of voice you can imagine, from a inner gentle friend you may have lost contact with but who is just as present within you, earlier and larger and more important than the dark stuf...and when you feel this inner part of yourself, you respond with utter trust? (Even if you can't imagine having that feeling for any part of yourself, then could you just IMAGINE imagining it?)

This inner friend is true, clear, pure and offers you the invitation to do something different for just a few minutes out of total friendliness. No pity. This inner part of you addresses all of you, using no shaming, blaming, labeling, judging, hounding, badgering, setting up and smacking down, hating, loathing, recoiling, damning, punishing, comparing, criticizing, putting down, or frightening. This inner self-friend is not afraid of you, of herself, of failure, or of success.

Could you try being that friend to yourself for a little while every day?

Hops

[Gaining Strength]

Wow Hops - that touches on all the unworthiness aspects.  I think
you have made a profoundly helpful suggestion.  I'm going to spend
some time with this.

[Hopalong]

I am so glad, GS.
Thanks for telling me.

Hops

[penelope]

#2
I have come a long way in this not taking things personally point.  But - I still got a ways to go.

My b/f and I were bleeding his brakes Sunday.  Well, I was sitting in the cab, one foot on the brake pedal, he was barking impatient and incomplete orders.  So I pressed on the brake pedal as he said to.  Suddenly I hear *&$^#^%!  You screwed it all up!  You jammed on the brake and that was too fast

Normally, this would result in a pretty heated fight.  For some reason, I did not get upset.  I shouted back "hey, if you need somebody to blame for this, you're going to have to go find someone else, I'm not interested in taking the blame for everything that's about to go wrong with this project!"

He took a few steps back and actually thought about this (probably realizing I was right and that it was unfair to blame me cause he had given bad directions).  Also, since I didn't take it personally, it came out sounding more like I was telling a joke, rather than angry.  It's weird how when you're really detached, really not taking things personally, your tone of voice will reveal it.

It's tricky though, and believe me, its taken me many months of therapy (and posting here)  to come this far. I did not have to try that hard.  I was finally feeling like it wasn't worth taking personally.

Thanks P, for posting this again.  I enjoy reading the descriptions of what others need to work on and how far some of us have come.

bean

[Portia]

Moon,
timing and coincidence co - incidence and chance keep me going! The beauty of it.  I just finished Leonard Cohen's book The Favourite Game and my, what a writer, what an honest man. I shall keep reading it from time to time. You're right, he is compassion, for himself and others. 


Bean

I have come a long way in this not taking things personally point

From an observation point a heck of a long way away and not knowing you, really, well can i say yes! In my view, through the telescope, yes you've come a long long way.    I hope that's not patronising. I just love how you've changed and I really love your reply re the brakes . Thanks for the shared smiles Bean. And everything else too.

[moonlight52]

Hey Portia ,

Talk about co- incidence The last book I read not counting my Bobby Dylan book was LC'S The Favorite Game.

Its so like freaky man too cool man.

LOVE ,

moon

[condeezi]

dear portia  we all need reminders and remembering not to take things personally (SOO HARD) helps to relieve the weight on our minds, especially for those of us who tend to think and over analyze everything. we never know what others are going through at certain times (trials) or really how they think. i have days when i am not fully present and i hope that others will not judge me or that it will discourage them.

[Hopalong]

Welcome, Condeezi...

I'm up late and here's a new name!

Hopalong