Need Feedback: Doctor's Unprofessional Attitude

[Sallying Forth]

Hi everyone and welcome to all the newbies!

I had a bad situation with my new doctor yesterday that I would like feedback on. Comments, suggestions, etc. are welcome.

I have been sick for almost 5 weeks with some type of gastrointestinal ailment. I've been to the emergency room for this and seen a new doctor twice (a new doctor because I moved). I am a very knowledgeable person when it comes to health care. I used to be a RN. I am not the kind of patient who sits there and says, "yes doctor." I say, "why doctor." For my first appointment I noticed the doctor had an attitude. I decided it could have been a fluke - her off day. She told me to discontinue all drugs for the GI problem and so I did. The next appointment, yesterday, her attitude revved up a notch; she's rolling her eyes and sighing at EVERYTHING I say.

Now I am wondering, since she now has my file from my other doctor in front of her, is there something in that file that revved up her attitude and make her more disrespectful? I've decided to obtain a copy of my medical records from my first doctor. And then I will obtain my medical records from this doctor.

The focus of the appointment changed from my GI problem to "you got a mental problem." She scolded me for not telling her in the first appointment that I was seeing a therapist. The first appointment was focused solely on my GI problems not my mental history. She told me I was depressed because I sleep 10 to 12 hours a day. I told her I am not depressed but she insisted saying I was. She asked me if I thought it was normal to sleep 10 to 12 hours a day. I said yes if you are sick and exhausted from puking and running to the toilet. She told me no and insisted that I get on AD's again! Geesh! What the $#^%! I've never heard such crap in my life! I told her I know when I am depressed and sleeping long hours is not a symptom. Neither is green puke and green diarrhea!!!

I think the comments that made me the most angry (and made me laugh too) were when I said I can't eat  a normal diet because it makes me more sick. I told the doctor I can't eat any dairy products. She said, "You're probably lactose intolerant."
I said, "I thought so too so I took Lactaid."
Before I could finish my statement she butted in, "See there you go." She didn't ask if it worked.
I added, "And then I vomit."
She said, "Then take your Phenegran (anti-nausea medication) with the Lactaid."

I was shocked with that medical advice and didn't have anything to say.

I find something horribly wrong with that last comment. As a doctor she should know that if you are throwing up Lactaid there is something wrong besides lactose intolerance. And for a doctor to tell you to usurp your body's natural response to rid itself of a substance it finds intolerable is WRONG. WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!!!

I do have a history of depression on and off. Gee I wonder why? Duh! Grew up in a home with TWO OCPD PARENTS, ONE WHO WAS NPD TOO, was abused from the age of 6 months in every conceivable and unconceivable way until 16 years old, and then married a man who has OCPD and ADHD and used to be verbally and emotionally abusive 24/7. (Now it is thankfully about 4 - 8 hours a week, whenever things don't do his way - OCPDers are always right and want things done their way.) And to top that off my best friend, my companion dog died of cancer last year after a 14 month battle. Gee no reason to be depressed ---  yeah right. However, I am currently not depressed.

And nausea, stomach pain, green puke and green diarrhea (all together) are NOT symptoms of depression!

I left the doctor's office feeling verbally and emotionally assaulted and definitely not listened to by the doctor.

I called the doctor's office and complained. I basically said the doctor-patient relationship was not a good fit. And I told them that I found the doctor's behaviors, eye rolling and sighing whenever I said anything, were disrespectful. I may still call the organization which runs this group and file a formal complaint.


Fire away with your comments, suggestions, or whatever. I am all ears!

[Hopalong]

My only suggestion is to trust your poor guts, Sally.
I think objecting to a doctor's attitude is fine.
And I have read that sleep requirements vary widely...some people do need 10 hours, though I've never read about 12.

You could also mentally re-run the tape and try to ask yourself whether you have a tone of voice that might exacerbate things when you're communicating with a medical authority. I ask that only because I wonder if other things are complicating it.

But as to your judgment about whether it's working with this particular doctor, I'd say no. It doesn't sound as though she was respectful of your own knowledge about your own body.

Can you change to a different doctor?

And btw, nice to hear you again, Sally!

Hops

[penelope]

hi sallying forth,

If your conscience is telling you a complaint is in order - file.  Stick to the facts, and if they're objective, who knows...maybe this doctor has a history of complaints and it'll be the last straw for the partners who are looking to get rid of her?  Then again, maybe she is one of them. 

With that attitude, she's going to sink her own ship.

Part of learning to let go is learning to let a-holes be a-holes, without letting them pee in our cheerios. 

Revenge thinking is nice - but be certain that is not going on when you write the complaint letter, or it will be overboard and likely not taken seriously?

Hope you feel better too.  And good to see you again 

gotta laugh at that depression bit too - maybe in the future if it comes up you could state:  You're right, I do have a mental condition.  That's what my therapist is for.  Now, could you please attend to my stomach problem which is why I'm here to see you?  Nothing like good old directness to get what you want - which is a simple proper diagnosis, not an attack on your person.

bean

[Hopalong]

Part of learning to let go is learning to let a-holes be a-holes, without letting them pee in our cheerios.

snort...choke...guffaw

thank you, Bean.

I frantically want to have this embroidered on an elegant pillow.

(And it's true, too!)

Hops

[penelope]

       

sometimes hanging out with guys all day gives me the strangest expressions   

[Sallying Forth]

hi sallying forth,

Part of learning to let go is learning to let a-holes be a-holes, without letting them pee in our cheerios. 

Revenge thinking is nice - but be certain that is not going on when you write the complaint letter, or it will be overboard and likely not taken seriously?

Hope you feel better too.  And good to see you again 

gotta laugh at that depression bit too - maybe in the future if it comes up you could state:  You're right, I do have a mental condition.  That's what my therapist is for.  Now, could you please attend to my stomach problem which is why I'm here to see you?  Nothing like good old directness to get what you want - which is a simple proper diagnosis, not an attack on your person.

bean

Hi bean,
Thanks for the great response. I like the ones I saved especially. The last comment is right on for me. She is my doctor, not my therapist. What she did was definitely an attack on my person.

I am not into revenge. My h on the hand ... is a different story.

I called the clinic today for another reason and voiced my displeasure about the doctor's attitude. I found out that you can request to see a different doctor any time. So that is what I will do.

The only good thing which came of my appointment was a referral to a GI doc who specializes in my problem.

Interestingly when she told me about the referral she emphasized what the doctor would do to me: he'll stick a scope down your throat; he stick a scope up your rectum. Only she was very graphic - much more descriptive than I said here. Almost like she was trying to indicate that I enjoy going to the doctor and getting attention. As a matter of fact I hate doctors. I was abused by many as part of my abuse as a child. They did a lot of those things she described to me and much more.

I felt her point was to shame and ridicule me, and abuse her power as a physician because I am not the typical patient (according to my records - which I know there is something in there that is not favorable) and that I am knowledgeable.

My other doctor had no problem with my knowledge. We actually went to some of the same schools so we had lots in common. She at least was compassionate and had a great bedside personality and attitude.

The doctor I had before her was like this one I saw this week. Horrible beside manner and very curt. Most people don't even like her and either do her patients. This is something a professional told me.

I had a friend years ago who was a survivor of abuse at the hands of sadistic parents. She was going to this one clinic and they treated her like she was mentally ill and never addressed lots of her legitimate concerns. For instance after abdominal surgery she was very ill and complained to the nurses. They got her more pain med but brushed off her symptoms as trying to get attention. She tried to tell them it was something worse. She called me and while on the phone told me her symptoms. I told her to get to the ER that night. It turned out there was a massive infection in her abdomen. A couple of days later she called her husband at work and passed out on the floor while still on the phone. After some investigation and getting her medical records, she found the reasons for their less than human treatment. There was a red label on the cover of her file stating she was a suicide risk, a drug misuser - hoarding and over using, and a psych case. Her therapist got that all expunged from her medical records. None of it was true. They construed it through talking to her and heresay. Pretty sick.

It is because of that experience and this doctor's attitude that I suspect something is amiss in my medical records. So my next step is to get my records.

My therapist says I have done very well considering the kind of abuse I went through as a child. He considers me quite functional. Although I sometimes don't think so.    I was tested for personality disorders and he found none and that surprised him.     I expected to have something. I am happy I don't have any. 

On the other hand 'NORMAL' is a setting on the washing machine ...

Love the quote about a-holes  -  is it an original? And would you mind if I made a sticker out of it? Possibly a bumper sticker?

[October]

I had a bad situation with my new doctor yesterday that I would like feedback on.

Hiya Sally.

It is perfectly possible that this doctor is terrible with everyone.  It is also, sadly, possible that she is a wonderful doctor with everyone else, and that something that she has heard, or read, in relation to you, has triggered her into transferance.

A lot of what she is saying does not sound like medical advice, but sounds like controlling parent language.

I suspect that whatever you have in the past has resonated with whatever she has in the past, and is creating a scenario where the anger of the perpetrator is in the room with you whenever there is a consultation, and is contaminating the whole thing.  You cannot by any possibility end up with any suggestions from her that are going to do you good, either physically or mentally, and I would strongly advise you to find another doctor.

(A similar thing has happened to me over and over, so that now I am very wary of seeing doctors.  They do not know it is happening, but that does not help.  You need a very aware doctor indeed to prevent this kind of transferance.)

In the meantime, if you have the strength to continue the complaint, then by all means go ahead.  But in my experience, you can go a long way down that particular road, with everyone admitting that you are right  in what you say, but end up no better off yourself.  No nearer the treatment you need, and no nearer achieving medical support. 

I hope you are feeling better today, and continue to trust your own knowledge, and your own instincts.  ((((((((hugs))))))))

Another quick thought: I am no doctor, but thought it worth mentioning, have you had coeliac disease ruled out?  First step is easy enough by blood test for antibodies.  But I am sure you know that already. 

[tony001]

Sallying Forth-

I almost stopped reading at the "Rolling eyes and sighing" part. That would have been enough for me to switch doctors. That shows an apparent disinterest in you as a patient or a human being.

Change doctors if you can.

[Plucky]

Hello Sallying,
So nice to hear from you again, and you sounds as though you are doing well!  Apart from the green vomit, etc and the abusive doctor.

It's obvious to all that this doctor is the wrong one for you.    What to do about it?   Besides changing doctors (looking after yourself), if you want to make your experience known (looking after others and giving yourself voice) I think a non-angry way to go about it would work best.

Try to draft a letter which lays out the facts of the situation.  You presented with such and such symptoms.    Your descriptions were met with obvious comtempt and inappropriate comments and suggestions (specify).  Mention that to your knowledge, this doctor is not qualified to give psychological advice or diagnoses.  When you went to another doctor,  the real problem was found and addressed.  I also think getting a copy of your file is important.

PS some people with so-called 'lactose intolerance' are really allergic to dairy and lactaid will not help them. You might need to avoid all dairy products, including goat and sheep products.

Good luck.
Plucky

[Stormchild]

Medicine attracts Ns and abusive jerks, unfortunately, because of the money and power involved. It doesn't attract only Ns and jerks, but it certainly does attract a large number of them.

Do yourself a big, huge favor, and trust your judgement when you think you are being abused by someone you are paying for professional help and expertise. Don't make excuses for them, don't find ways to blame yourself for their unprofessional and inappropriate actions and words. Believe your own eyes and ears, and then ask yourself:

if this were happening to anyone I love and respect, instead of to me, would I advise them to put up with it? would I make excuses for the person who was doing it to them? or would I support them, validate their perceptions, and encourage them to find a practitioner who will take them seriously, listen to them like an adult and a professional, and treat them with common courtesy and simple human respect?

an abuser isn't going to 'like' you no matter what you do or don't do. And sadly, there are a lot of them in healthcare.

[Hopalong]

Megadittoes what Oct. said...

You're okay, Sally. You're smart, strong, and learning how to set new boundaries with authority figures.
Whether you had a mental illness diagnosis or not, you are a consumer of medical services and although it's a good idea to be pleasant and respectful with the doctors you see, to establish a good working relationship, bonking into borderline meanness and intimidation (trying to scare you about the exams...give me a break) is a RED FLAG.

I do agree with Oct. that it may be a waste of your precious energy to battle this doctor, and I also think it's a superb idea to get copies of your medical records (which you have a right to, and in fact own).

Hops

[gratitude28]

Sally,
That is totally inappropriate behavior by your doctor and I would drop her as soon as possible.I used to accept what doctors said and however they behaved 100% of the time (having been raised in that authoritarian - don't-question-such people atmosphere). But I have learned there are kind and good doctors and bad ones. Your health is WAY MORE important that worrying about whether you should be accepting her beliefs about you (did that make sense). At any rate, I would drop her like a hot potato. You are not looking for mental services. She obviously is not listening to you.You need someone who will listen and help you.I had a doc once who accused me of seeking pain meds because I was having a kidney infection... as an RN, you know that the pain comes an goes. I was okay for a bit (and breastfeeding) and then flat out on the floor and unable to breathe or move. The nurse had to convince him I was in terrible pain. He was a major ass.
(((((((((((((Sally))))))))))))) I hope you feel better soon. You don't need this on top of being sick.
Love, Beth

[Plucky]

Hi Sallying,
I would just like to add, that I don't think you should spend any time trying to figure out if you did anything to trigger the doctor's behaviour.  Even if you were a ranting maniac, she is in a professional position and should deal with you in a professional manner.  So even if you had some sort of tone in your voice, which I don't think you did, it is up to the doctor to ignore that as a symptom of something, for example pain and discomfort, and just treat you normally as a patient.  I'm not being too clear here, maybe.  I just mean don't take responsiblity for her misbehaviour.  It does not sound to me as if you had any role in the way this interaction went wrong.
Plucky

[gratitude28]

I agree with you Plucky. 100%.
Beth

[Hopalong]

Good point, Plucky.
Sally, I retract my question about tone of voice...don't know where that came from but it wasn't supportive and I apologize.

I am IN YOUR COURT and Dr. Rolling Eyeballs can take her teeny weeny power struggle somewhere else!

Hops