A sign of healing today.

[mountainspring]

Hi Moon,

I’m glad you and your family are doing well and hope the situation with your loved one works out for you.  Thanks for asking about Mammaw.  She slept most of the day yesterday and a good part of today, but she is in her chair now embroidering a square for her quilt, so this is progess!

Hugs to you

[Hopalong]

MS,

What a lovely thing to think about, you peaceful with Mamaw working on her quilt.
Thanks.
And how are you doing, yourself? Haven't heard much from you lately, but I remember you were freeing yourself and growing and healing... I hope you're doing wonderfully.
Just catch us up if you'd like to.
Good to hear your voice!

Hops

[Hopalong]

RM,
I am glad for you, that you are free from the spell of a gravely disordered person with way too much power.

You ARE free. There are so many who are not.
There's nothing she has, no secrets she holds, that you need.

I think you are way past all that cycling manipulation.

Good for you. I'm glad you're out of there.
The healing you're building for yourself, in your own life and with your own mind, is more real, imo.

Hops

[mountainspring]

Thanks Hops... I just posted.  I've been wanting to for a while and tonight felt like the right time to do it. Good to hear your voice too.

[Gaining Strength]

Today I have found a place of healing again.  This is a cycle I have become familiar with.  The pain increases significantly for several days before I understand what splinter of wounding is working its way to the surface.  So again today I awake in excruciating pain but today the splinter is revealed.  It is revealed but I cannot quite get it out.

This splinter is about "not being enough".  It is one of the biggest wounds.  I have no idea if it is really preenting itself to be extricated.  That seems too good to be true.  I certainly am ready for it to go. I have felt that it is the great source of my anxiety and my being stuck.  I notice some apprehension about extracting this splinter - as though if it comes out and there is still more then I have no where else to go.  But that is absolutely crazy.  If it comes out and there is still more then I can work on that.

I have to be sure that I don't get stuck here.  "Being not enough" is a terrible place to live.  It infects absolutely every thing in life.  I am ready to extract this piece.  It was hidden behind a false confidence for most of my life.  Then in my late 20s early 30s when my life began to fall apart this fear took over everything.  I am ready for it to go and I will be able to deal with what ever is left behind.

I am going to start by talking against this feeling - using affirmations about being enough.  I'll take any other suggestions.  Thanks. - GS

[Hopalong]

GS,

It is safe to greet yourself in the mirror, to say simply "I am enough."

It is safe to do that often.

It is safe to see what happens.

love,
Hops

[Gaining Strength]

Thanks CB123, Moonlight and Hops -

It is so miraculous to post here and find gifts from beyond sent back in reply.  And such wonderful gifts they are.  I read your responses first thing this morning and went upstairs to get dressed.  As I did, I realized several things and one especialliy important - to keep my focus on how much healing I have achieved.

Moonlight, you are so right - the "not enough" message was exactly how my parents felt and still feel about themselves.  I took it on and I know I can let it go.  CB123 - you are right as well - it-  And Hops your post opened up a memory from my early 30s when I had returned to college.  Through Student Health, I ended up seeing a psychiatrist who was finishing up her studies.  I was making
A-'s and B+'s but was very frustrated by a grade in one particular class.  She told me that I should tell myself that the B was good enough and I remember being enraged thinking that she would never have thought a B was good enough because she wouldn't have gotten where she was.  But that issue of being good enough is far more comlicated than that and I didn't quite get it then and your post tells me I haven't quite gotten it yet but I am getting closer.  What I heard from her was that I was mediocre and that I should settle for that.  But that is not what being "good enough" is about.  When I am "good enough" I will be able to function on my best level.  Actually that is when I FEEL "good enough".  So I am going to look in that mirror and try that - It is amazing how reluctant I am.  I did look in the mirror this morning and I couldn't quite say it.  I'm going to try.

Thanks to you all. - GS

[Hopalong]

It's when "good enough" doesn't feel like a C or B...
or A.
It just feels GOOD.

Please keep trying it, let us know....

((((GS))))

Hops