my heart is breaking please help

[tremusan]

Ack!  This thread is old but.... I'll respond because it makes me feel better. 

I call this kind of pain... Being in the void.  Loss and despair..... mourning the death of hope.  That seems to be a theme I'm revisiting this evening. 

So..... rage, scream, cry and mourn without reserve.  That's what we do in the void.   Take out all the agonizing self pity and revel in it... let it see the light of day.  Otherwise, it'll be tapping you on the shoulder for the rest of your days.  Let it out.  Give it a voice and don't stifle the noise. 

On some level..... recognize that the void is like everything else.  It won't last forever.  It's a place we pass through and there are lessons there.... if we try very hard to learn.... we can grow. Become stronger, richer, deeper and feel better. 

I'm just about sick to death of painful lessons myself but.... I stand on the precipice of my next great learning adventure.  Too old for this.... too tired and I don't have much time to be puffy and tear stained but..... it's coming.  Like preparing to have the flu for an extended period of time.  Dread but there's certainly things to be gained and I don't minimize the positive that will come.  I also know that..... it'll be OK.  It's OK.  Really.  I promise.  Tremusan

[sea storm]

Thank you dear people for your wise and experienced words. It has been a week or more since I checked in. I was away from home... snowed out. During that time my ex moved his things out of the house and we settled on how much I would pay him so that I can keep the house. These are all painful beyond belief but now I feel more closure and I haven't cried as much for two days. It is TRUE that allowing the feelings to rise and disipate works. The grief is diminishing. With help and support and love I got through the worst of it.
I am seeing a good counsellor who is connecting my terrible feeling of abandonment back to my narcissistic mother. Together we are working through these issues: verbal abuse, shaming, cruelty and lack of empathy. She uses EMDR and it has been amazing how much it helps. I think it takes a very skilled practitioner and she is well trained in other therapies as well but it is healing me at a deep level and I have moved from feeling suicidal and hopeless to feeling that I have a future and I can make my life again.
I hope someone reads this and finds encouragement. Go through the pain and get free. You CAN cross the void of pain.
Love,
Sea storm

[gratitude28]

(((((((((((((((((((sea)))))))))))))))))))))

You are amazing!!!! What a wonderful story to hear today. Thank you and keep strong!!! The hardest part is over. Time to heal and find out who you are all the way... peel back the layers and find out what's inside.
Love and hugs,
Beth

[penelope]

hi seastorm,

Thank you for coming back here to post about how you are doing.  That is something you gave to us, and it was so good to receive that.

thanks for just being you!

hugs,
bean

[Stormchild]

((((((((((Sea Storm))))))))))

[Hopalong]

Ditto Bean.

((((((((Sea)))))))))

((((((((Bean)))))))

Hops

[teartracks]

((((((((((((((Seastorm))))))))))))

Healing hugs dear one.

tt

[dayle]

seastorm

i have never posted here before but i was juston line searching because i feel the smae way that you do.

i am screaming, crying, in a fetal position and days seem dark.  i am so sorry for you and i am so sorry for any of us that have to go through the pain of leaving a narcissit or simply a realtionship with a bad person.

i pray for the day that this load will lighten.  i am not a religious person but i have done a lot of talking to God for the first time in my life.  Pretty selfish on my part but the agony that I live with is killing me.  It is hurting my elderly parents and my 2 children.  Booth of them young women and I have set an awful example.  My choice in a boyfriend was not a good one and then I stayed with him for 6 years.  I moved out 4 times nd moved back in 3 times.  Each time my youngest daughter moved right along with me.  That possr thing and yet she still loves me and forgives me.  My jerk boyfirend was so mean to her.  ANd yet SeaStorm I cry for him my every alone moment.  And to make it worse, mt jerk N has a new "love of his life" and he is so happy.  THey even bought a weekend place together.  My heart breaks althoug t should be singig!

I totally feel your pain - I am doing the exact same thing.  At times I think I will lose it all together.  My eyes are swollen shut from crying.

I hope that it will end soon for both of us.

Dayle

[Hopalong]

Dayle,
It WILL pass.

And a year from now, maybe two, you will look back in RELIEF, not grief.

I am glad you came here, no place I know of could understand or sympathize more.

Welcome, Dayle, post as much as you'd like.

Hopalong

[reallyME]

ANd yet SeaStorm I cry for him my every alone moment.  And to make it worse, mt jerk N has a new "love of his life" and he is so happy.  THey even bought a weekend place together.  My heart breaks althoug t should be singig!

I understand about crying for the person.  I still cry over the person in my life too, but not every moment.  It takes time, SeaStorm...it really does.  It takes finding yourself again, because THAT is what they steal from you.

As far as the new "love of his life"...I'm almost betting that he dared to rub your nose in that?  They like to dangle their new "loves" in front of your eyes and say "But THIS ONE makes me SOOOOOOOOOO happy...more than YOU ever could, but that's ok, I forgive you for that.  Better that we found out now rather than later."  Am I right? If not, ok, then it's just me sharing what happened to me.  I watched the person do this to several people as she went from one to the other.  I'm thinking she finally might have met her "match" in the current companion however, so maybe the two of them will be "happy" together and not bother other vulnerable people.  It's kind of like once a person is caught, put safely in jail...they may get a few meals and be "rewarded" with a warm place to live, but the point is, they are off the streets and away from hurting anyone else!  Maybe you could try to see it that way...he is with "her" and leaving other vulnerable people alone?

I do know how hard it is when they just callously tell you "oh by the way, I'm so happy with _____, happier than when you and i were together.  We have so much in common and this relationship is NOTHING like you and I had."

I'm here for ya!  Been through it too and still trying to piece some things back together with the help of my Lord, some very wonderful friends on this board and elsewhere.

[reallyME]

One more thing...please know that a normal, healthy-minded person does NOT dangle a new friend in your face.  That is vindictive, punishing, rude and cruel.  The person who does this should not think that you are "strong enough to take it."  So don't BUY that BS for a moment.  It shows how messed up the other person is, not how insensitive you are for not REJOICING over their new friend!