This story is quoted by the book Narcissism, Denial of the True Self, by Dr. Alexander Lowen, M.D., pp 35, 36, COLLIER MACMILLAN PUBLISHERS, 1985
THE CASE OF ANN
Recently, I worked with a young woman named Ann who had a constant smile on her face to show the world how happy and content she was. Yet this expression was belied by a tight, square jaw and a flat forehead, which gave her face a grim look. Ann was unaware of this contradiction. She was identified with the smiling, happy image, and she saw herself as a person who was responsible, considerate and helpful.
When I inquired into Ann's bakcground, she said she was the oldest of three children. She had always been a "good" girl, doing what was expected of her. Yet on some deep level, it left her dissatisfied and unfulfilled. Ann was thus not entirely surprised when I pointed out the grimness of her set jaw and forehead. She agreed when I suggested that while she did a lot for others, she asked very little for herself.
Ann's smile was a facade erected to hide her unhappiness from the world and from herself. the image of the happy young woman bore little relationship to the reality of her being or her feelings. How did that image arise? Ann mentioned that her father used to tell her to put on a happy face regardless of how she felt. No one would love a sad-looking person. So Ann denied her feelings and adopted an image that would be acceptable to her father. In the process, she had to sacrifice her true self.
Ann's case shows how an image can be misused, how it can serve to replace an unacceptable self with an acceptable, even admired facade. This substitution occurs in childhood, under pressure from the parents that leaves the child no choice. But once the substitution is made, the image becomes all important. The person now admires the image he or she projects, and like Narcissus, falls in love with it. This love is not self-love, for iwth the facade, the person has rejected the true-self as unnacceptable
