Pregnancy, babies and Narcissistic mothers

[Bones]

Thanks for that Hops.  I've never managed to get past the stage where I think it's a lie so I obviously have to persevere..

It's interesting what you say about finding self esteem in working with the needy.  I've been doing that for most of my career..  addicts, homeles, eating disorders, prisoners...  It's funny, when I look back now all my different types of clients have reflected a part of me...  I am in a job now where I have no client contact and though on the one hand it is a great experience I miss that feeling of making a small difference in someone's life..

I don't know if you remember but my partner (before the horrendous ex N) died of Cardiomyopathy..  I have just registered to do voluntary woork with partners and parents who have suffered a loss of a loved one through this awful disease..

See even talking to you about that now I feel like a fraud and I don't know why.  When I get upset I feel like a fake too..  It's bizzare.  I can't ever acknowledge that my feelings are real.  I always feel like I am looking for attention.  I think it's because when I was a child I used to cry a lot.  My family used to mimic me.  I would sit in my bedroom and cry louder and louder hoping that someone would come and make it ok,  but it was like my tears were worth nothing to them....  I could not really be upset..  I know I am rambling a bit I am just trying to work it out I guess....

Axa..  I had a similar experience.  When I thought I was pregnant ex N said....  If you have it I will just resent it....!!!!!!!!  Aren't they lovely!

Spyralle x

When Ns say stuff like that, it really FROSTS me!!!!  I feel that Ns deserve a special place to rot in hell!

Bones

[spyralle]

Just on a good note, my daughter came round to stay the night last night.  I cooked her dinner and ran her a bath and then we cuddled up on the sofa and watched a scary movie.  She told me yesterday how much she appreciates what I have done for her and how much she loves me and I feel like I have my little girl back again after the turbulence of her teenage years...  I love her so much

Just wanted to say that

Spyralle x

[axa]

He Spyralle,

Weeping here.  Spent all of my childhood crying.  My NMom used to call me "sore eyes" as my eyes were always so red.  I tore out some of my eyelashes as a child from rubbing my eyes and they never grew back again.  Really feel the sadness of that time right now.

I am so glad for you and your daughter, makes me think of how much I miss my lovely girl, she would have been 20 this month.

Thanks for sharing this and allowing some of my tears out.

axa

[spyralle]

((((((((((((((((Axa)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Now I am weeping too for you and for me and just for everything, which is a good thing cos I have been really angry all day.  I cried throughout my chilhood too..  cos I cried all the time no one ever came in fact they used to mimic me..  All I wanted was for someone to stroke my hair and tell me I was ok and special

So I just want to say Axa...  You are OK and very very special..

Spyralle xxx

[Bones]

(((((((((((((((((((((((axa))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Spyralle))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Bones

[gratitude28]

axa,
May I ask what happened to your daughter? Please share only if you feel comfortable.
Spyralle, that is so lovely. My kids are still small and so far I am still adored. I am eating it up while I have it. But one thing I have also learned is that although we will of course distance from one another(part of growing) not all kids need to hate their parents. My parents told me it was normal to hate your parents and I don't believe that is true. I have friends who have always loved their parents, even through the troubled times.
Love, Beth