Thanks for your responses everyone.
Now that I think about it, a book I read on Dysfunstional Families did mention Stockholm Syndrome when discussing, I believe, abuse. Since we have experienced Nism, I wanted to know your reactions to this.
Reading all the responses, I now see the hypothesis of my post: when you've raised by an N, you’ve been Stockholm Syndromed your entire life, so even if there is a way out, you may not take it.
CB:
I got the same feeling too. Since the 15 yr old boy had many opportunities to leave, I thought “we didn’t he leave?” and then thought about Dysfunstional Families and Nism and thought “was this kid molded by N parents, leaving him vulnerable to the Stockholm Syndrome?"
Izzy and Stormchild:
I agree with you both: One can’t always leave as soon as one wishes to. One must prepare for leaving, get finances and living arrangements lined up.
You also make me realize that a dependent child cannot leave (obviously), unless he/she runs away, which usually winds up bad for the kid.
But for a young adult who can’t leave an N parent, then the N parent has an emotional/psyc hold on the adult child. This was what happened to me.
Storm, I like what you said about the T needing to do a reality check. Guess I felt kinda stupid when my T needled me for not “leaving” my N parents when I was an adult. In retrospect, I felt as an adult, I had Stockholm Syndrome with my N parents, but I did not know it at that time. Thought my relationship with N parents was normal.
Seastorm:
Yes, beaten dogs, isolation, secrecy and shame.
“One soons becomes conditioned not to question the N. I am an adult and I couldn't stand up to the process. A child would not have a chance.” Sea, I think you nailed it. Even as an adult, I couldn’t stand up to it either. Thank you for that, Sea.
“Even when one gets away there is still a powerful connection that needs to be worked on continually in order to stay away and not fall back into the thrall of the N.” Yup, even when you think you’re free, you may not be free if there’s still a connection, like blood relations.
Gaining Strength:
[b“Dazed, I have long believed that growing up with N parents left me experiencing the effects of Stockholm Syndrome."[/b] GS, you got it, that's my point.
"I also believe that the inability of a therapist to understand can feel abusive as well.”
Lord, GS, you and Stormy have me really questioning my T regarding the “Why didn’t I leave” question. I guess she really did not understand Nism and codependence. If T really understood, she would not have asked the question, right? Or she would have been more undertsanding as to why I didn't leave and why I continued to participate in the dysfunction.
Kell:
You make distinctions among leaving a spouse, vs. leaving a parent and whether the ‘victim’ is an adult or child. And, yet despite these distinctions, it’s still murky.
Kell, you got it, here’s my point: “I didn't realize when I was in my early 20s and couldn't say no to anyone that there were some deep seeded insecurities set up inside me by my nmom. She was the one who internalized my need for compliance.” “Now after all these years and the realization that things were and are very wrong and I still have a hard time leaving.”
Again, thanks everyone for discussing this. I loved all your ideas. Great discussion.
dazed