Article regarding shame vs. guilt~~~

[Dazed1]

Hi All,

Found this on the Dr Irene site:

Shame is a deep, debilitating emotion, with complex roots.  Its cousins are guilt, humiliation, demoralization, degradation and remorse.  After experiencing a traumatic event, whether recent or in the distant past, shame can haunt victims in a powerful and often unrecognized manner.  Shame impairs the healing and recovery process causing victims of trauma to stay frozen, unable to forgive themselves for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.  Shame leaves victims with feelings of sadness and pain at the core of their being.  They are unable to feel the fullness of joy in their lives. 

   Trauma allows "shame thinking" to blossom from deep roots in culture, religion, family or our childhood past.  As children we tend to blame ourselves for things that happen around us, because we are limited in our capacity to think about others being responsible.  In a five-year old's mind if something bad happened, then she or he must have deserved it, therefore the universe makes sense.   It is not until around age 12 that we gain the cognitive capacity to see how others' actions and behaviors are more complex with varying degrees of culpability.   However, there are many confusing messages about responsibility in our culture, causing even adult victims of trauma confusion over responsibility for the perpetrator's actions.  For example, the way a woman was dressed being part of the questioning by a police officer investigating a sexual assault.

   Shame can dissolve positive self-esteem and leave victims of trauma feeling different and less worthy and in some cases even bad or evil themselves.  The trauma and the resulting shame potentiate each other, causing greater intensity in the psychological wounds.  The end result is that a traumatized person no longer feels worthy of being loved, accepted, and having good things happen to them in their life.


Here's the link for the rest of the article:  http://drirene.com/shame.htm

I think Dr Irene has tons of articles that are very helpful:  http://drirene.com/contents.htm

dazed

[Leah]

Dazed,

Thanks for this posting.

Something that I have never really dealt with, is the shame I felt as a 10year old through to teenage years, from what happened in the FOO home, by violent father and Nmother.  Dismissed it somehow, but, lately have had thoughts and flashbacks, so maybe now is the time to deal with this, I believe, and hope, final piece of my life jigsaw.

As children we tend to blame ourselves for things that happen around us, because we are limited in our capacity to think about others being responsible.   

Certainly makes sense.

Leah

[isittoolate]

Soi if laughing at oneself is a good beginning, I used to--when I was younger.

I asked ,
"Do you know my grandson's favourite vegetable?|
"No!"
"Me!"
*************
Ewwwwwwww
Izzy

[Dazed1]

((((((((((((((((((((((Leah))))))))))))))))))))))

(((((((((((((((((((((Izzy))))))))))))))))))))))))

dazed