Shame is a psychological condition induced by the consciousness or awareness of dishonor, disgrace, or condemnation.
Genuine shame is associated with genuine dishonor, disgrace, or condemnation.
False shame is associated with false condemnation as in the double-bind form of false shaming; "he brought what we did to him upon himself". Therapist John Bradshaw calls shame the "emotion that lets us know we are finite".
Characterizing shame
Shame vs. guilt
There is no standard distinction between shame and guilt. The cultural anthropologist Ruth Benedict describes shame as a violation of cultural or social values while feelings of guilt arise from violations of internal values. It is possible to feel ashamed of thought or behavior that no one knows about as well as feeling guilty about actions that gain the approval of others. However, In Facing Shame, therapists Fossum and Mason state "While guilt is a painful feeling of regret and responsibility for one's actions, shame is a painful feeling about oneself as a person." Shame is believed to be needed to establish limits, in childhood, since young children are unable to associate cause and effect by themselves. However, as children become better able to judge their own actions, guilt becomes the conscience former. Although, in general, guilt guides adult consciences, intrinsic shame is often present in adults too, as shaming is a form of religious, political, and/or legal control in cultures worldwide.
Shame vs. embarrassment
Shame differs from embarrassment in that it does not necessarily involve public humiliation: one can feel shame for an act known only to oneself, but in order to be embarrassed, one's actions must be revealed to others. Also, shame carries the connotation of a response to qualities that are considered morally wrong, whereas one can be embarrassed regarding actions that are morally neutral but socially unacceptable (such as an accident). Another view of the difference between shame and embarrassment is that the two emotions lie on a continuum and only differ in intensity. The wish to sink into the ground and disappear from view, to hide oneself from eyes that witness one's embarrassment or humiliation is common to both.
Toxic shame
Psychologists often use the term 'toxic' shame to describe false, and therefore, pathological shame. Therapist John Bradshaw states that toxic shame is induced, inside children, by all forms of child abuse. Incest and other forms of child sexual abuse can cause particularly severe toxic shame. Toxic shame often induces what is known as complex trauma in children who cannot cope with toxic shaming as it occurs and who dissociate the shame until it is possible to cope with.
Shame (and shaming) is often associated with torture (see the psychology of torture). It is also a central feature of punishment, shunning, or ostracism. In addiction, shame is often seen in victims of child neglect, child abuse and a host of other crimes against children. Parental incest is considered the ultimate form of shaming by child psychologists.
Religious shame
Shame is a key (if controversial) theme in religion. Religions that claim only God or other spiritual beings are perfect in that sense impute a certain kind of shame on human beings. In many cases, that shame is associated with sexuality and other carnal characteristics of human beings, though others would argue that only sinful expressions of those characterstics should be shameful.
Religious faith can create the basis for shame because shame reflects internalized ideas as to what is right and proper and about what is wrong and improper. This means that torture tactics intended to shame religious adherents might merely titillate other people (e.g., nudity). Conversely, religions may associate honor with certain behaviors (e.g, martyrdom in Christianity, veils in Islam) that others consider shameful. The ideas and the strength with which religious (and other) ideas are held seems to influence whether shame occurs and how much shame occurs in a subject.
Shaming and sometimes shunning is a theme in many religions as tactic to control or disorderly members. In some cases a church member can be shamed and shunned for reporting abuses that happen inside churches. The infamous case of Mary Byler [1] an Amish woman who was shunned for reporting repeated rapes by her relatives is one extreme example of the use of shunning to enforce order within a church.
Vicarious shame
Psychologists recently introduced the notion of vicarious shame, which refers to the experience of shame on behalf of another person. Individuals vary in their tendency to experience vicarious shame, which is related to neuroticism and to the tendency to experience personal shame. Extremely shame-prone people might even experience vicarious vicarious shame: shame on behalf of another person who is already feeling shame on behalf of a third party (or possibly on behalf of the individual proper).
Shame in society
Shame also generally considered one pillar of socialization in all societies.
Shame is enshrouded in legal precedent as a pillar of punishment and ostensible correction.
Shame has been linked to narcissism in the psychoanalytic literature. It is one of the most intense emotions. The individual experiencing shame may feel totally despicable, worthless and feel that there is no redemption.
According to the anthropologist Ruth Benedict, cultures may be classified by their emphasis of using either shame or guilt to regulate the social activities of their members.
Shared opinions and expected behaviours that cause the feeling of shame (as well as an associated reproval) if violated by an individual are in any case proven to be very efficient in guiding behaviour in a group or society.
Shame is the favorite form of control used by those people who commit relational aggression, also known as female bullying. It is a potent weapon in marriage, family, and church settings. It is also used in the workplace as a form of covert social control or aggression.
