Hi GS,
The critical issue here is that the child is unconsciously attempting to not submit to the parent’s definition of him despite his inner compulsion to comply with the parent’s needs. He therefore acts in a selfdefeating manner in order to try to maintain a sense of independence.
You asked "Can anybody flesh out this paragraph for me so I can unlock this. How does acting in a selfdefeating manner help maintain a sense of independence?"
Here's what I think:
..... his inner compulsion to comply with the parent’s needs. Let's start by defining what is this inner compulsion to comply with the parent’s needs.?
I interpret the phrase parent's needs as meaning that the child wants to please the parent.
As children, we are born with an innate need to please our parents. When we are very young children, our parents are like Gods to us and therefore, we want to please them. Additonally, as the child becomes a bit older, the child becomes aware that the child depends on the parent for survival: food, clothing, shelter. Thus, the child believes that if the parent is unhappy with the child, then the parent could deprive the child of the means for survival (food, clothing, shelter) and therefore, the child could die. So, as young children, we want to comply with our parent's needs (ie: please them) because we see our parents as being God like and that includes the ability to kill us by depriving us of food, clothing & shelter.
I also think that the child has an inner compulsion to comply with the parent's needs because the child believes that if the child pleases the parent, then the parent will love the child.
So, the inner compulsion to comply with our parent's needs is our innate desire to please our parents because as very young children, we viewed them as being God like, realized our survival depended on them and because we believed that if we pleased them, they would love us.
Why would the child not submit to the parent’s definition of him? I think that the child would not want to submit to the parent's definition of him due to ( I believe it's called) Individuation. This is the stage where the child learns that the child is separate from the parent and that the child has his own unique personality. The child realizes that the child is different from the parent; the child matures and is becoming his own person. The child also learns that the parents are not God and that the child will eventually be able to survive on his own.
So, as the child matures, feels more independent (less dependent on the parent) and becomes his own person with his own thoughts, the child then begins to challenge the parent, including the way in which the parent has "defined" the child. Since the child now has his own thoughts, the child may reject the way the parent defines the child.
He therefore acts in a selfdefeating manner in order to try to maintain a sense of independence. The method chosen by the child to demonstrate that the child is independent of the parent and that the child is his own unique person may be detrimental to the child. For example, if the parent told the child not to smoke pot, the child may choose to smoke pot as a means of defying the parent: ie: "You (mom & dad) can't tell me what to do, I'll do what I want and I'll make my own decisions" even if those decisions are detrimental to me.
In essense, a child may choose to demonstrate his independence from his parents and reject his parents by cutting off his nose to spite his face. So, the child may wind up engaging in behavior that is harmful to the child as a means of declaring his independence from his parents. The child may do this unconsciously and not be aware that his behavior is his unconscious attempt to reject the way that his parents have defined him.
That's my take on this paragraph.
love,
dazed