C0-NARCISSISM

[Overcomer]

Found this link.................you've heard of codependence....................this is co-narcissim....it's good!!!  It's me!

http://www.alanrappoport.com/Co-Narcissism%20Article.pdf

[gratitude28]

I actually already have this saved on my computer!!! It's me too!!
Thanks Kelly!!

[Stormchild]

Same here, and then some. Kelly, this is a terrific find. Thank you.

[Leah]

Never heard of this Kelly, more learning, wonderful.  Have read through the pages and noted at the end ....... The reader is referred to Elan Golomb’s book, Trapped in the Mirror (1992) for a variety of examples of narcissistic/conarcissistic parent-child relationships. 


When I first joined here, on the 'what helps' board I picked up the posting on 'Trapped in the Mirror' Adult Children of Narcissists in Their Struggle for Self, by Elan Golomb, and ordered the book, which took some time to arrive, last week.

Interestingly, "With empathic narrative of her own personal fight for self, Dr Golomb plumbs the depths of the problem, revealing it's mysterious hold on the affairs of otherwise bright, aware, motivated, and worthy people."

Trapped in the mirror explores above all else, and most important, how even the most traumatized self can be healed.

Personally, at this stage of my four year long journey, this book is for me, liberatingly affirming and validating.

Still I wonder and marvel how in searching, I have found the truth to set me free, and stay free.

All of us here, are worthy people of value.

So grateful to have found you, and be amongst you.

Thank you.

Leah

[Gaining Strength]

how even the most traumatized self can be healed.

Are there guidelines to that healing.  After several months of real sustained progress, I am in a place of struggle again.  I am worn down and my physical defenses are worn down.  I am lonely and if it were not for you here I would be completely alone.  I have no friends and though I do understand how I got here I am surprised that this has not changed over the past few months. 

I am on a road to healing but my immune system is broken for now.  My allergies are raging.  My eyes are watering non-stop and itching.  My sinuses are draining over time, I've been taking supplements to combat candidiasis and the fallout has been quite miserable for a few weeks.  All of this leads the others stuggles amplified. 

Does this book tell how to heal.  I do so long to get there. - GS

[Leah]

The book is Awareness raising    affirming and validating .... of being an Adult of Narcissistic parents.

Trapped in the mirror explores above all else, and most important, how even the most traumatized self can be healed.

Having already searched, researched, read via internet resources, for me personally, it is affirming and validating.

Hope that helps.

Leah

ps.  just read the back of the book!:  "Trapped in the Mirror" offers more than the average self-help book, it is truly the first self-heal book for millions.

[axa]

Thanks for posting this.  I read the article and it is so familiar. 

I feel quite ill today, think I have some flu and t hat is not helping things.  Still no luck with getting a job so lots of time to think and go over stuff in my head.  Not too healthy for me.  I feel so dammed sad today.  I too feel alone.  I have been very good at organising things and being busy but these past few days have been different.  Feeling the loss of the hope of the relationship.  Also got some emails from my friens abroad who have met XN and he is spinning out the same story to them all. Axa at home looking for a job but doing fine.  He knows nothing about me. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

CB feel like I have been drifting and need a plant also.  I will do something constructive tomorrow about getting work.  The money is running out for me.  I have a tiny income which I cant live on and my savings are dwindling bit by bit.  I just wish it was all different.  I will write later, just feel so dammed sad now.

axa

[Overcomer]

Axa:  You and I are in the same boat as in we are both looking for a job.  I actually have one but I like to call it imprisonment since I work with my nmom.  I work tonight and am all alone at home today.  I took my kittys to get declawed so I miss them.  They were hanging out by where their food dish usually sits (I hid it cuz they couldn't eat...)  They meowed the whole way there.  Am PMSing so I am feeling a little melancholy myself.  Hang in there!!!!!!!

[Leah]

I took my kittys to get declawed so I miss them.  They were hanging out by where their food dish usually sits (I hid it cuz they couldn't eat...)  They meowed the whole way there.

Oh poor wee Kitty's,

Mine always meow on route to the vets and it makes my heart sad as I drive along.

"Declawing"  they do that at the bakc of my sofa when I am not looking      Love the little sweeties so much, the one follows me from room to room like a puppy!

Leah x

[axa]

GS

Felt very lonely today also.  I know that I am colluding with myself (if that is possible) by cutting off again.  I have not posted very much the past few days.  I have watched a lot of tv, which always makes me feel terrible and I have done nothing productive.  I raged, wrote her, called to my neighbour for 10mins, got back on here, decided to do some ironing, arranged to meet with a friend tonight and I feel better.  There is something about being pro active I think.  I find it so easy to give up and I think this is addressed in the co narcissism article.  not doing the best for me. 

I do know how hard it is, really I do.  i wish i could call over there and say lets get on our bikes and cycle somewhere with a nice view, feel the wind and the sun, I could tell you some jokes, not very good ones, but I could make you laugh and we would both feel good.  Lets have a virtual cycle..........how about it GS.

with love,

axa

[Gaining Strength]

There are several excerpts from this article that resonate so fully with me.  I am so thankful that I have developed techniques for overcoming a couple of them like feeling overly responsible for others and taking everything personally and being insistent that my opinions and values are right.  I will take comfort and encouragement that I can overcome these devastating effects of growing up co-narcissistic.  The BIG one for me can be summarized by this excerpt:

The critical issue here is that the child is unconsciously attempting to not submit to the parent’s definition of him despite his inner compulsion to comply with the parent’s needs. He therefore acts in a selfdefeating manner in order to try to maintain a sense of independence. (If the pressure for compliance had not been internalized, the child would be free to be successful despite the parent’s tendency to co-opt his achievements.)

This definitely describes where I am.  But I have learned enough here to develop a plan to overcome this.

Leah - that's so interesting about thyroid.  I definitely have hypo-thyroid and treat it.  But I have learned that all that is connnected to the adrenal glands and I found some great supplements to help with that over the internet.  I have run out and will order some more.  Thanks for pointing that out.

CB123 - I am so excited about your idea of contacting the police department for a volunteer job.  You are right about being proactive.  And I have heard a similar suggestion from several different sources this week.  That is always a significant sign to me that I need to listen to those voices.  Thank you for sharing that.  I am going to work on a plan for that and will post it when I am done.  It really helps to be held accountable.

OK Leah - say no more - "Trapped in the mirror explores above all else, and most important, how even the most traumatized self can be healed."  I have several books I am going to buy today and I will definitely add this to my list.
 
Axa  - let's ride!!!  I'll get some virtual long johns that don't require ironing and a rain suit to stay dry.

[Hopalong]

GS, Axa...

I REALLY want to see you two in union suits with long (untangled) Isadora Duncan scarves on dirt bikes...

 

Hops

[Gaining Strength]

Hey Hops - I like that image.

I'm off dealing with grumps today But I am trying to move up to a higher plane.  Hoping to up my energy level and get out of the ditch of fear and self-recriminations.  That's my goal today and tomorrow. - GS

[CB123]

GS,

I have the grumps today too.  Wonder if something is going around?   

CB

[Leah]

awwwwh  GS and CB

probably a "grump.virus.trojan"   

Hugs for you

Leah xx