Who is the functional Me?

[Gaining Strength]

I saw Oprah one day this week.  She had on women who lost significant amounts of weight after gastric bypass surgery and then became alcoholics.  One of them said that she realized and cried out to her husband, "I don't know who I am - not being fat."  As I work to undo the sense of rejection and sense of being inadequate that I carry around with me and wear into every room, every store, every interaction, I try to get a sense of who I am as the person I want to be.  I don't know who I am if I am not rejected or inadequate. 

That is what Wayne Dyer is talking about in Manifesting your Destiny.  It is about seeing yourself as you intend to be.  But I haven't yet seen who that is. 

I know who I am as I see myself as someone left out.  But I know now that I saw myself as left out long before I WAS left out.  Now it is time to see myself as included even before I am.  That is surprisingly scary.

[Hopalong]

Oh GS.
This sounds absolutely enormous.
What a blessed realization.

You know, your effort practically brings sweat to the screen.

I am humbled to see it.

This is a level of honesty and depth that it's easier to skip.

And you're not skipping it.

You have SO much flowering ahead. It's like your roots are moving in the frozen ground, and maybe they look fragile to you, but don't bother judging...there's an oak tree coming.

 

Hops

[Gaining Strength]

I love your poetry Hops.  Such sweet images you produce.  Thanks

[isittoolate]

OMG GS,

You wrote EXACTLY what I am thinking, and told the therapist, when she asked.

She asked if I was afraid of who I might become--the real ME and I said it once before, here, in a post---I might really be some snot-nosed little brat who I would hate (something like that)

THIS me has been the me for almost 68 years.

WHO else can I be? WHO is the real me in place of this 'false self'?

What if I am too afraid to change? What if-----

(I just finished watching a crime movie and one of the guys said when he had plastic surgery to change his face, the surgeon gave him 'tits'. )

What if we end up with something we don't want. It will all be foreign. Can I still build web sites? Can I still balance my cheque book?  What if I can walk again?


All of this is very unreal to me.

I hear ya loud and clear....................... except I always thought of me as 'falliing through the cracks of life" to your as someone left out.


Love
Izzy

[Gaining Strength]

Those cracks are so incredibly wide.  Noone held a net for me so I'm trying to knit one as I fall so I can catch myself.  How will I crawl back up? On my own homemade ladder?

[isittoolate]

Yes, we've been living without a net. You knit the nets and I'll crochet the ladder.

I'll bet the change will be painful!

I wonder if I can do it?  or if I will automatically resist!

[Lupita]

Hi GS, how are you? Yous post is very inspiring!!! Hops, your writing is so beautiful!!!
I don't know who I am. But I am trying to find out. GS, how are your goals going?
Love,
Lupita.

By any chance, do you see my e mail? Hope not. But tell me if you do, please. Thank you.

[Overcomer]

GS et al......that is the question.  That is why I so diligently look for other jobs.  I just know there is a job out there that will allow me to shine.  At my business, I live in my nmom's shadow.  She takes all the credit for everything but doesn't know how to do anything.  She asked both my aunt and I for information on hiring, etc. which is going to be in an article in one of our trade magazines.  Oh, she loves to see her name in print.  I wrote on a piece of paper and put it in her box.........since Aunt gave you the answers to these questions, you need to give her credit for them in the article!!!  That infuriates me.....

My family is a bunch of imposters.  No one is as they seem.  They present themselves as competent, almost perfect but they are not.  I am the only one who says "HEY I AM LESS THAN PERFECT - YOU KNOW IT, I KNOW IT AND THAT IS THAT..................I AM NOT GOING TO BE A PHONEY LIKE YOU!!!!!!"

So my goal is to think positively.  Work towards becoming who I need to be to feel good about myself.  Not do so in a knee jerk reaction.  And move forward to a new, competent, SKINNY, me.  That is my new visualization............tall, thin Kelly!!

[Hopalong]

Lupita, your email is not visibile when you sign in.
The little email icons are visible ONLY to the person who is posting, unless they have posted "As Guest".

Hope you go out and do something today.

Hops

[Gaining Strength]

GS, how are your goals going?

Not so good Lupita.  I am getting more and more done but I am not setting daily goals and accomplishing them and I thank you for asking but I know that the discipline is going to be helpful.  I'm going to get back to it  thanks to you. - your friend GS

[debkor]

 Positive Tall thin Kelly with red shoes and a new red bag!!

Deb

[Overcomer]

Hysterical!!  Although the only bag I loved was $275 and when I went back to look at it someone else bought it!!  So no red bag for me - at least for now!!  May antennae is up - waiting for a beautiful red bag to pop up!!  So today it was over 50 degrees so I walked one dog a long way and then came home and walked my hung over husband's dog a long way, too!!  So that is twice as long as I ever do.....moving towards skinny!!  Tall, I've got handled!  And I am positive my feet hurt!!!

[isittoolate]

When I was young, I was crazy over matching shoes and handbags--------and I loved red. I even has paisley, and orange, as well as standard black and brown. I am 5'10" as well and in my spikes was 6'1" (Someone, a maintenancce man at work...we were friendly) told me once I looked like an ironing board with 2 peas glued on it")

Someone said to me one, "You used to be tall, didn't you!"

What a wonderful world........to think back to all the funny incidents I had before I knew I defective!!!!!!!! LOL

xx
Izzy

[Overcomer]

Izzy, do you know who Joni Erickson Tada is?  She is in a wheelchair from a diving accident at age 16..................she must be in her mid 50s by now.  Anyway, you can tell by looking at her that she would be very tall.  I am over 6 foot when I put on heels which isn't very often because they just hurt too dang much.  I cannot believe that super short women wear them all the time.....they just are do uncomfortable.....

[debkor]

Remember Candies, I had every color there was. I think they might be back in style now.
I would wear them with My ooh la la Sasoon's. And I had some big ass hair. Perm o Rama.  You would pull one side back with a comb.  Eyelashes that looked like spider legs. I just loved the movie FlashDance!!   I thought I was so Hot. Now I look at pictures and get like OMG!  Lets not forget leg warmers.  They were back last year but this time you wore them with flip flops in the winter with a skirt. I use to look at my daughter like she lost her mind.
I think I met my husband around Miami Vice Days and he would wear the white suit. Trust me he was no Don Johnson

Those were the days.

Love
Deb