Please, help me here. I will not be able to sleep. Your insight, please.

[Lupita]

Thank you thank you Thank you, for your kind words. For you nice heart to empathize with another human being. Thank you. It is very nice to come here and ventilate, and receive consolation, and comfort.
Today the report cards went home. I had the last chance to change grades, but I did not. I prayed all night. I know I did the right thing. Later in the day I found out that two of the Fs were not going to complain because they were expecting something since their children were written up before. And the other two were in deep trouble because they had a very low GPA including the coach's son. Those are almost lost cases, unless the parents do something radical. So, the sports director told me that he did not think that the coach was going to jump on my back. if they do, they will be very weak, since I had a good judgment. So, the only problem left is two Ds to two rude ladies that are future Ns, and will serious attitude problems. If they confront me, the only sin I had is not to call them and tell them of the behavior, because I was intimidated by their past actions. But that is easy, I will apologize, tell them that I am sorry i did not notify them before, but I thought I could handle it and the kids got out of control and that is why they got a D. Also I will tell them that their kids know right and wrong, that they are 18 years old, that they are young adults, that next year they are going to college and they need to apply them selves. I have documentation, and witnesses of their behavior. So, probably they will not give me a big trouble.
Or so I think. I feel a little better today. if they fire me for doing the right thing, then I do not want to work in a Christian school where they protect the bullies. And on top they control my life, I have to go to their church, I cannot have a beer because it is considered a sin, i cannot go to a bar, because id they see me I will lose my job. And if on top of it they protect the bullies, then, please, god help me. I went to the principal's office just to take temperature, asked him how he was and he chatted with me about classroom management and books to read. He was not mad at all. So, I am assuming that he does not expect a problem.
In my same school, a wonderful elementary teacher was fired this week, because an angry mother called all parents and set her up. It is scary. This summer I will think what I should do. Maybe look in a public school. I do not know. Now, the big trouble will start after spring brake because the instigator is in Europe, since half of the school went to Europe and they are coming back after spring brake on the 26th. But the four F were there today and did not do anything.
But, it is wonderful to be able to talk here with all of you. For the first time I feel that I am getting my fair share of attention. it is wonderful.
I love you all.
God bless you.
Lupita

[gratitude28]

((((((((((((((((((Lupita))))))))))))))))))))))))

Your strength and courage carried you through! You didn't take the easy way out!!! Good for you!!!

Love, Beth

[Lupita]

Well, hello!!!!!!!!  i stoo up for my self. I still have to deal with the instigator who is coming back from Europe after spring brake.  She might complain about her D in behavior and her C in academic. But God knows that I did what I thought it was the correct thing to do. I prayed a lot about it. Feel better now. And if something comes out, I will prove that I am helping the students and if a parent is trying to deffend a kid at all costs, the parent is not doing a favor.
I know I did the right thing. God will help me.
God bless you all.
Love,
Lupita

[Leah]

God is with you Lupita.

You have done the right thing, with courage.

God Bless you.

Leah xx

[Lupita]

Leah!!!!!!!!!   Thank you for your kind words. I really needed some encouragement. There is nopositive reinforcement for teachers. They think we  are not humans. But we are and need some ecouragement.
Thank you Leah.

Lupita

[seastorm]

Hi Lupita,

I can soooooo understand your situation. I taught in high school and because I was a new teacher I got the worst classes.  There were some very spoiled kids in class who had learned at home to whine and threaten in order to get their own way. So they would fight for grades that they did not deserve and they would enlist their parents in manipulating in this way. Boy, I was not ready for that kind of aggression and felt really steam- rollered by this verbal assault.
I did learn to survive better by being very, very clear about my expectations. I found this annoying as I like to be spontaneous and creative in class but with these lilttle baracudas it is better to be very directive. For instance, I let them know EXACTLY how I was going to grade them. So much for class participation, so much for ability to work in a group respectfully and cooperatively, so much for quizzes, so much for essays. I would say how I grade the essay.  So they could contract for a grade if they wanted  and they knew what they had to do to get an A. There were no surprises. I also said that once the grade was out that was it.

These aggressive kids who bully and intimidate the teacher are very imature and socially arrested. Basically, they are having a tantrum and won't stop until you give in. They had you feeling really scared. That is way toooooo aggressive. I heard your fear and wished I could come there and help out. 

"Parents should never be surprised by what is on their child's report card".  I wise old teacher told me that.  It is true. If a kid is rude and non-cooperative, then let the parents know. You can say " little johnny is very good at  this, this and this, but he is struggling to be respectful and does not seem to have the tools to do this."
I have done this and I then ask if the parents experience this behaviour at home and maybe we could work together on addressing this behaviour that is going to hold little johnnie back in the future.  Usually, parents are really defensive at first and swear that the child is a perfect angel at home. However, eventually they admit that they are overwhelmed by the child as well and would like to work on the obnoxious behaviour.  So it is great that you separate the behavour from the child ie. his behaviour is naughty but HE is still a loveable person.

In working with behaviour disordered kids it is really important to have some kind of connection with them. This can be done by writing a short note about their work to them and especially a note catching them doing something right. For instance, a tough little girl who spits nails at you might be kind to her neighbour. So you write a note and say," Gwen, I noticed that you were very kind to lttle joey who struggles with math. I just wanted to let you know how nice that was and I do see your good side. This can amaze kids. They are not used to having a narrative with a teacher.This is saved for the really hurt and difficult kids.

Hmmmmm this is a lot of info.  I am glad to help if you need it.
I think you may have a point about private school teachers having to take more crap from parents. I am not sure about that though. It is pretty universal to have some parents who just think the teacher is a mean witch and so they come on like gang busters.  If a parent is really rude and angry, which happens far too often, then you can say that you are having difficulty dealing with their anger and you would like to set up an appointment at a later date to deal with the issue more calmly. This saves you from being verbally beaten up.  It is highly recommended to take an assertiveness training course or a conflict resolution course for dealing with charged situations. I bet the general public has no idea how off the rails parents can get about their kids to the well meaning teacher.

Good Luck. You sound like the kind of teacher I wish that I had.

Love,
Sea storm

The principal probably wants you to deal with this because this is their first wish.

[Margo]

Are my superiors so blind that they do not see that I do a god job? I am a good teacher. Why do I feel so lonely? I talked to the team leader. She said that they deserved a bad grade. I have to deal with the complains tomorrow. Somebody help me. Why did I leave those grades? I wanted to send a mesage. Hope that the one that receives a mesage is not going to be me. Please, pray for me.

\\\


Margo/Tremusan Writes:  Listen.  Your problem isn't giving out bad grades.  It's conflict resolution that scares the hell out of you.  I think sitting and writing out your feelings is a very effective tool in hashing out your true feelings.  Esp when you have to have face to face conversations where you'll be emotionally overwhelmed by tones of voice and inflammatory statements.  Sitting and distilling down your feelings.... starting out loud and emotional..... re reading and writing it out once again with more focus, then again till you have your feelings internalized and can discuss them without becoming overhwelmed by emotions. 

You can always discuss compromises and problem resolution with these parents about their children's behavior.  Make this a forum where the children might be helped.  In the long run... that's the goal.  Not giving them poor grades.  How can their cooperation be gained?  If it can't..... that's OK too.  Just be aware of what you can and can't do. 

Look..... getting overwhelmed is a problem.  It's your problem.  It's also your job to get over it and figure it out.  You're right about those grades.  I sure hope you did OK discussing it with the parents and students.  I'll read ahead and see how it went.  Tremusan

[Margo]

Thank you thank you Thank you, for your kind words. For you nice heart to empathize with another human being. Thank you. It is very nice to come here and ventilate, and receive consolation, and comfort.
Today the report cards went home. I had the last chance to change grades, but I did not. I prayed all night. I know I did the right thing. Later in the day I found out that two of the Fs were not going to complain because they were expecting something since their children were written up before. And the other two were in deep trouble because they had a very low GPA including the coach's son. Those are almost lost cases, unless the parents do something radical. So, the sports director told me that he did not think that the coach was going to jump on my back. if they do, they will be very weak, since I had a good judgment. So, the only problem left is two Ds to two rude ladies that are future Ns, and will serious attitude problems. If they confront me, the only sin I had is not to call them and tell them of the behavior, because I was intimidated by their past actions. But that is easy, I will apologize, tell them that I am sorry i did not notify them before, but I thought I could handle it and the kids got out of control and that is why they got a D. Also I will tell them that their kids know right and wrong, that they are 18 years old, that they are young adults, that next year they are going to college and they need to apply them selves. I have documentation, and witnesses of their behavior. So, probably they will not give me a big trouble.
Or so I think. I feel a little better today. if they fire me for doing the right thing, then I do not want to work in a Christian school where they protect the bullies. And on top they control my life, I have to go to their church, I cannot have a beer because it is considered a sin, i cannot go to a bar, because id they see me I will lose my job. And if on top of it they protect the bullies, then, please, god help me. I went to the principal's office just to take temperature, asked him how he was and he chatted with me about classroom management and books to read. He was not mad at all. So, I am assuming that he does not expect a problem.
In my same school, a wonderful elementary teacher was fired this week, because an angry mother called all parents and set her up. It is scary. This summer I will think what I should do. Maybe look in a public school. I do not know. Now, the big trouble will start after spring brake because the instigator is in Europe, since half of the school went to Europe and they are coming back after spring brake on the 26th. But the four F were there today and did not do anything.
But, it is wonderful to be able to talk here with all of you. For the first time I feel that I am getting my fair share of attention. it is wonderful.
I love you all.
God bless you.
Lupita

Margo/Tremusan writes:  As I read all your posts..... I want to say I get the impression that you feel you're at fault somehow.  That you feel you've done something wrong.  And I'm talking about wearing that feeling like a jacket.  It seems to be with you at all times.  I may be way off but...... I think I do that too.  Always have. 

I also think it makes us the perfect choices for N's.  We already think we've done something wrong.... there's something wrong with US on a fundamental level.... or something.  I'm pointing it out so you can take it, turn it over, look at it and examine it.  It may mean nothing.... or it may help you figure out how to become more confident in dealing with other people and asserting yourself with more force in the world.  Tremusan

[Lupita]

Dear Margo,
It is true. I always feel guilty. No matter what. People knows it and use it. Even the little ones know. I am transparent to everybody and I put my self unintentionally in the spot to be manipulated, I put my self at risk, they push my buttons and they know it nad they know how. As a child of an N parent, I am constantly seeking for aproval, hungry for love, desperate to please others, including my students. And that is not good. I am there to make them work. And in my desire to offer them fun activities, I feel sad if they do not respond. So, they realize that I want them to love me, and they use it. When they feel that I do not care, then they will behave better. I have to detach. Need councelling but cant afford it. My insurance does not cover it. Yes, I need training in conflict resolution. What could I read?

Seastorm,
It is so nice that you know what I am going thtough. Those kids are so selfish. And they do not know what is coming. They do not understand that they are going to college, and no professor is going to  listen to their parents. And they do not want to work and they know that I am going to be blamed for their choices. It is very discouraging. Of course, I have a very good group of nice students. But those badones are distributed in all the classes and with two in each class, they destroy everything. And with parents that deffend their kids at all costs and all the time in denial, it is more difficult. But it is very nice to know that somebody has gone through the same pain here in the board. What do you do now, Sea?
Thank you fro writing. All the advises of everybody here are very valuable. I think I am going to print all this thread and read it at school every morning to give me strenght.
Thank you to everybody,
This board rocks!!!!
These people rock!!! I love everybody here.
I have one week vacation!!!!!!!