Hi Sunny,
It was not meant to be a reality check.......just an outline of how thing s can happen and who responds with help and who is just too afraid to get close in case , if they are friendly enough, might have to take me in, in my old age.
There are all kinds of people.
I am still on my own looking after myself, driving a car. Will be 38 years in June.
Can you hire a helper to come in? Can you rent a wheelchair to get around? From my experience ya can't do a damn*d thing on crutches, like carry a cuppa coffe, or a laundry basket. I went back to work and hired a cleaning lady for about 3 years.
Can you bear weight on your leg? Walking cast? Straight leg cast?
Many people tell me how strong I am. That comes, I think, from feeling so much on my own from the time I was very little, so I tried to be as independant as possible in many respects. It was scary, but I
faked it til I 'maked' it! I also worked on my sense of humour as it has carried me through many times when I thought people were pitying me, and I couldn't stand that.
Know my grandson's favourite vegetable?
"ME!"
Only I can tell that one! This would set people at ease--self-depracating humour, I think it is called.
Yesterday I was a the Library, approaching it, and saw a young woman leaning against the building in tears. I hesitated , then asked if she were okay, could I do anything, talk? She said no and thanked me, but later I was looking for my books and she was searching the Library for me, came up introducced herself and we had a longish chat. She thanked me for stopping----it happens too seldom these days.
So my story has a weird FOO, an alcoholic relationship which I left, with my daughter, then he killed himself 7 years later, then in 1998 a relationship wiith an N, whereby I moved 2000 miles away from 'everyone' and then that I got out almost 5 years ago, June 2002.
In everything, although I never heard it said to me, the phrase, "
You made your bed, lie in it!" came to mind, so I bumbled forward by the seat of my pants and here I am @ 68. By striking out on my own and doing for myself, I might just have sent out the vibes that I wanted to be left alone, i could do it myself.
I still have people ask if I need any help (and sometimes I do) but mainly I hear, "I see you've done that before!"---like putting the chair in the car (one lady tried to help once, dropped the chair on my foot and broke 3 toes) and packing up my groceries (I know better how to do it so I can get them from the store to the car and the from the car up to the apartment and my secret is brown bags, no plastic----it flops and slides all over.
Everybody at work loved me, as I was the Payroll Clerk. I wrote their pay cheques!!!!!!!
I have Photosuite in which I resize pictures, then they have to be on the Internet to be linked to here.
I build websites, so I can slip files into their server and link. After a while I remove them.
I also do bookkeeping at home, so I didn't have to re-train after the accident, being I always did office work.
I feel for you and the Ns in your life. Detaching is difficult, in my opinion, when you are still sharing a home. It is far easier when you are not. but You just remember to think of yourself first, and get into a good place or you will not be able to deal with the children. If you put them first and self last, you won't be in the right frame of mind.
It sounds selfish but it is the order I heard and understood.
Take good care now
love Izzy
