Author Topic: Bringing my H into counseling...  (Read 3338 times)

camper

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 70
Re: Bringing my H into counseling...
« Reply #15 on: April 11, 2007, 08:38:10 AM »
I love reading your thoughts!  I need to pay more attention to our conversations.  The part of recording them....I am going to go out and buy a small pocket recorder and do that.  I have always wanted to.  The way he responds to me sometimes leaves me completely confused.  I try to go over what just happened and my mind is boggled.  I try to replay it for my T and I have a hard time.  My H gets so darn defensive over the silliest things.  And he denies he's defensive.  I show him exactly how he got defensive and he turns to mr. nice guy. 

Last night we had a meeting at church.  He walks into a conversation I am having(the conversation is completely centered on my friend who just moved back because I was asking her lots of ?'s) and all of a sudden the conv. is completely centered on him.  I thought it odd that he wasn't even looking at her.  His eyes were darting back and forth in the distance.  Never noticed that before...what is that about??  My H is having huge problems with his company.  It consumes all his conversations.  Everybody knows about it and it is all he talks about.  I can't stand it anymore.  He always is an extreme pessimist.  He has my kids believing we are going to lose everything.  We can't spend anymore money(I have found ways around that!)  If you all knew how much money my H has in all his accounts you would be completely stunned.  Even if he loses his company, we could live quite comfortable for a long time!  And it's not like he can't get another job.  I have had to comfort my boys and point all this out to my H. 

Get this one, he comes down to the computer yesterday and tells me he lost $22,000.  And he starts rambling on.  I ask him(I wasn't sure  I heard it right), "you lost $22,000?"  then he changes it to "well, that's what I think"  I was nice and opened up our MS Money program and helped him find what he needed to see where this money went to.  Comes down to the fact that he never wrote out the check.  Everything was there.  then we get to the church meeting and his broker hands him some photocopies of his checks and deposits concerning all this money.  This is classic...before he even looks for things on his end, he has his broker believing he (the broker) messed up and lost his money.  The broker had to take time to find these copies and it was all for naught.  I said nothing.  Along these lines, you should see my H panic when he misplaces his wallet!  It is quite comical.  He does this at least twice a year.  He also misplaces his rings twice a year and panics.  Funny thing is he always finds them.  He doesn't see the pattern and everytime he has a misplacement episode, it is like it is happening for the first time. 

What is all this about?  Someone tell me.  How does paranoia fit into all this?  this paranoia is what drives me crazy.  Sometimes I have fun with him and get paranoid with him.  He loves that!  Isn't that silly!!! 

camper

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 70
Re: Bringing my H into counseling...
« Reply #16 on: April 11, 2007, 09:11:50 AM »
Camper,

Some of your stories are eerie.  It's like we have been married to the same man.  Scarey.

My NH did the same thing with money.  He literally had 100's of thousands in the bank at some points, and was sweaty palmed that we were going broke.  The subject usually came up when I wanted to do something that cost money.  (any amount could trigger it-- sometimes is was me wanting to stop for a coke!) 

Now, the money is gone (I think) and he is spending hand over fist on vacations for himself.  I think the money issue is just another expression of the narcissism.  So is the monopolizing the conversation with his own concerns.  My NH's favorite comment in conversations was: "so...what else is going on with me?"  He also fell asleep when the conversation switched from him to someone else.

Keep paying close attention.  It will help you see the patterns.

CB

It isn't 100's of thousands....it is millions.  Imagine being worried about money when you had millions.  How do you reason?  It is absolutely crazy!