Penny,
The individual in my past used this "spin" method too. One thing I will tell you, is that, when you start noticing the "spin" going on, you need to CONFRONT that person.
Not that the person will admit to it, cause they can't see their own manipulation habits...to them, this is the way they have ALWAYS handled interpersonal relationships, so their attitude is "I don't see what you're getting so upset about."
I can remember some times when I confronted. I would say, "HEY! That wasn't very nice. That was a DIG at me and I don't appreciate it." The response would be 3-fold and all typed into the same sentence. It would go like this.
me: "Hey, that was a dig and I didn't appreciate it!"
X: "No, I didn't mean it that way at all, I'm sorry you thought that's how I meant it...well, since I can't convince you that I wouldn't say something like that, I guess that's that! You have decided I said what I did to hurt you and I can't change your mind, so forget it!"
In fact, "forget it" "never mind" "huh?" "I didn't MEAN it that way" are all very favorite terms of dysfunctional people.
~Laura