I guess I'm just saying that I hope you can learn from the experience of having jumped into something super-fast, only to find that it was a big mistake. Your assumption that the fellow in your bldg might have issues seems valid. Maybe you are listening to your instincts now. They may be highly attuned to trouble, after having been around it for so long.
You are not alone. Many of us moved very quickly, based on incorrect, but seemingly reasonable, assumptions. I can relate. By the time I had my first argument with my H, we were already engaged. I remember thinking that if we hadn't been engaged already, I might have stopped seeing him. But the idea of announcing my engagement and then backing out of it so quickly seemed to be such a flaky thing to do, I thought I'd better just calm down and try to see if I couldn't get along with this very handsome peer. I was determined, and once I set my mind to something, I can usually make it happen.
Now, 4.5 years later, I watch him with keen interest, and a completely different standpoint. I have been through hell, depression, endless crying, feeling terrible about his supposed preference for his late first wife (before I learned from others that she was weak and depressed). But now that's over. I know that this is just a man with another set of problems. XH had HUGE problems. These are less huge. But I'm the good-looking genius from a wealthy family, who absolutely loves sex. How could I possibly end up in this situation? Same as you. I moved to quickly. I thought that our fast engagement was wonderful...
You know what? Maybe it was. That first argument was about the way I dealt with a health club employee who was bothering me, giving me unwanted, incorrect instructions, having interrupted a flirtatious conversation with my fiancee. I politely blew her off. I later learned that she had been talking to my fiancee a few minutes before, and it is very likely that she came over to instruct me simply to gain access to him (I note that he and I were giving each other approval, and when she jumped in she gave me disapproval and him approval). At the time, all I knew was that I didn't like the fact that she interrupted us, started telling me how to use the machine even though my body language was clearly telling her to go away, and to top it all off her instructions were different from what her boss had taught me. I told her I got my instructions from her boss, and effectively dismissed her. Later I advised mgt that she needed to be talked to about her interaction with members. When I asked my F later if he could believe what she had done, he said that I shouldn't have treated her that way. No matter how many times i explained that she wasn't supposed to do that to members, he would not budge. I cried and briefly considered breaking off our engagement.
Now, I have to look at myself. Maybe I was too much of a bitch, too reactive. I don't think I needed to report her to mgt. I think maybe that was angry behavior modeled after my N mother. I have to face those demons. So maybe this is exactly where I was supposed to me, so that I could deal with the stuff inside me that my N mother put there. She is a quitessential bitch, and I could work on being less of one.
Grandmother used to say that God's plan is perfect. I always thought that she was right. I do feel the need to look inward, and it has taken all of this for me to do that.
Izzy, we're all learning, in my case rather slowly...
