This is a terrific first post, Green! Welcome!
I think you've nailed two of the biggies.
The martyr-vampire act is a major N indicator -- but, it's a major temptation to people who've been N-damaged, too. It's just like malingering, except that malingering is in the body, and this is in the soul. If you learn in your family that the sick child - or parent!!! - receives the lion's share of care and is excused from responsibility, you grow up using sickness to avoid responsibility and manipulate people into giving you care. You learn to malinger. Same difference with martyrdom.
Both are unhealthy - martyrdom and malingering - and both can be hard addictions to break, but if we have them, we must break free. [Edit in: a lot of codependents are 'martyrs', and living with an N doth definitely a codependent make.]
The black and white stuff is 'splitting'.
This one is tricky, because it can be dangerous to see Ns and other toxic folks in shades of gray, although it's tempting and we're told it's healthy... emotionally healthy people are definitely full of grayscale and texture and tone, but in dealings with really toxic people, it can be protective to apply a more black-and-white standard. I think this for 3 reasons:
(1) most toxic people are geniuses at messing with your head, and will take advantage of any leverage you give them, so it's best not to give them any until you have at least a brown belt in ideNtifying and dealiNg with Ns.
(2) most Ns see the world as black and white because they have made themselves black and white; they try to take into themselves all the good qualities from anyone they contact, and push onto those others all their own negative qualities.
(3) toxicity itself is pretty black and white, in a lot of cases. Nobody sane is going to go around choosing to eat food that they know is contaminated with hopefully sub-lethal doses of botulinum toxin or E. Coli 0157:H merely because 'we shouldn't think of food poisoning in black and white terms - after all, there are some pathogenic bacteria in everyone's digestive tracts'. That's nuts. And we can tell it's nuts when we think that way about food poisoning, but we don't see it as nuts when we think that way about soul poisoning. We'll go back and back to people who abuse us, misuse us, treat us like things... because we shouldn't think in black and white terms; after all, there are flaws in everyone. Yes, there are; but some people are profoundly, incapacitatingly flawed, and others are not.
Now... I haven't answered your question yet, so I will.
This is going to be a bit iconoclastic.
I think the single biggest thing that we get infected with, by Ns, is the need to 'look perfect' regardless of reality.
An inability to admit to our flaws, especially when confronted about them.
A super-defensiveness.
There are plenty of reasons for this; we've spent our lives around people whose primary form of recreation involved tearing us down, so any form of critical input is likely to feel like a kick in the gut.
But - if we become so defensive and self-justifying that we can't hear or accept legitimate input when we're not on the right track, we're in danger of becoming indistinguishable from the Ns we so condemn, in some very important areas.
Denial of our own N-spots, I think, is how some others here have described it. It's really unfortunate, because in my opinion it's the single most significant obstacle to genuine healing.
