Mammaw

[mountainspring]

Hi Everybody,

I’ve just received a call from my mother.  She said they took Mammaw to the emergency room last night because she was extremely weak and couldn’t keep anything down.  They ran tests at the hospital last night and said she had something called a femoral hernia.  They said she had to have surgery right away, so at 1:30 this morning she went in for the surgery.  She got through the surgery okay and Mom said she’s resting now.  I’m trying to decide whether to make another trip down there.  The doctor said she will be in the hospital for a few days, then transferred to rehab.  Both Mom and Dad tell me she’s okay and to stay put, that I’ll probably be needed more when she’s in rehab.  If I go, I’d need to take both girls with me because my husband doesn’t think he get off work to stay with them without more notice. I’m trying to decide what to do.  Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers. 

[Amy]

>>please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.

Consider it done.

And a big hug for you, I have a hunch you need it.  (((  )))

[CB123]

MS,

My heart is with you and Mammaw. 

Just take a few minutes to take a deep breath and think through your options.  I know you will do the best you can, and so does Mammaw.  She loves you, MS, and she knows you love her--whenever you get there.

Much love,

CB

[Ami]

Dear MS,
   I am praying for her and for you. May God's peace be on you at this difficult time  .        Love Ami

[isittoolate]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((MS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Izzy

[teartracks]

((((((((((((((((((((((Mountainspring/Mammaw))))))))))))))))))

MS, My guess is that your hearts are so woven together that you ARE there with Mammaw...

tt

[Hopalong]

((((((((((MS, Mamaw)))))))))))

thoughts with you both, and for Mamaw, a speedy recovery.
Nature's nasty, and you have been so stalwart.

love
Hops

[lighter]

<Sending good vibes to Mammaw>

She's probably very groggy from the surgery.  You may be more helpful at rehab where she'll be more alert?  She'll probably need your support even more during the hard work ahead of her. 

[Stormchild]

((((((((((MS and Mammaw))))))))))

God is in the midst of her, she will not be moved;
God will help her when morning dawns. [Psalm 46]

[Psalm 91]
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.

I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”

For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler
and from the deadly pestilence.

He will cover you with his pinions,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.

You will not fear the terror of the night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,

nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness,
nor the destruction that wastes at noonday.

A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.

You will only look with your eyes
and see the recompense of the wicked.

Because you have made the Lord your dwelling place—
the Most High, who is my refuge—

no evil shall be allowed to befall you,
no plague come near your tent.

For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways.

On their hands they will bear you up,
lest you strike your foot against a stone.

You will tread on the lion and the adder;
the young lion and the serpent you will trample underfoot.

“Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him;
I will protect him, because he knows my name.

“When he calls to me, I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will rescue him and honor him.

“With long life I will satisfy him
and show him my salvation.”

(((((((((())))))))))

[mountainspring]

Hi Everybody..

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers for Mammaw.  She’s doing okay, I think.  I was prepared to make the trip early this week, but so many things started happening that I decided to take my Dad’s advice and wait until early next week to make the trip.

This has been a very hard week for me.  My son woke up early Sunday with a swollen cheek and said he couldn’t sleep because of tooth pain.  So on Monday we were at the dentist, and put him on antibiotics for three days so he could do a root canal today.  He also put him on pain medication.  My son sailed through the root canal today, and says he’s not in as much pain as before, and the pain medication is taking care of the pain he’s having.

Dad has been calling twice a day about Mammaw.  One of the reasons he didn’t want me to come this past week was because my cousin was flying in on Tuesday.  He said if everybody started showing up, it may alarm Mammaw.  I don’t know how though, she’s been sleeping almost non stop since the operation.  He also said that each day I’m there and she’s still in the hospital is a wasted day, because I’d be more helpful at rehab.  I’ve  worked out child care for my girls.  I could take them with me, but I don’t know how long I’ll be there, and when I’m there I’ll be at the rehab center with Mammaw, and really don’t want them around my mother for long periods of time. Rehab should take 2 to 3 weeks.  I think 2 weeks is pretty much my limit and am hoping to get her through that.  Two weeks is a long time for the girls to be away from home, especially if I’m preoccupied with the rehab.  I think they’d do better here with their Dad.

Then Mom called about Dad.  He’s getting sick every night, continuing to try and work and help with Mammaw.  All of these things have really had me down.  I know Mom has a habit of exaggerating Dad’s condition, so I’m hoping this is a game and not the truth.  But he didn’t look well to me when I was there.  So I’m worried. I’ve been somewhat successful at trying to control my emotions throughout all this.  This has always been such a problem for me.  But I started writing down some things to help me with that.  Stormy… the verses are helping too. 

Some of the things my parents told me that I’m remembering are;

When the nurse took Mammaw’s pulse the day after her surgery, she smiled and said Dynamite comes in small packages!!  She had a very strong pulse!

When the nurse was preparing Mammaw for surgery, she tried to take Mammaw’s teeth out.  Mammaw let her struggle a while why trying, then reached in her mouth and handed the nurse her teeth and smiled.  That sounds like Mammaw.

Mom said the incision is pretty small, so this is something to be thankful for.

Today with a lot of help, Mammaw sat in a chair for 15 minutes, and today is the first day she’s eaten regular food since her surgery.

They’ve had to watch her ALL the time.  The minute anyone turns their back she pulls at the tube that drains her stomach.  Today, finally, they took the tube out.  I’m very thankful for that.

The things I’m worried about are:

Mammaw took forever to wake up after the surgery.  I’m talking 3 days.  She’s been sleeping day and night and she’s very weak.

When I tried to talk to her on the phone mom said she smiled then closed her eyes, so I know she heard me but it is Thursday and I’m thinking she should be stronger.

They originally said they would transfer her to rehab tomorrow, but today they said early next week. So I don’ t know what’s going on with that.

She had a real bad infection on top of the femoral hernia problem.  They are giving her something to clear that up..

I don’t know how cooperative she will be in rehab.  She becomes a different person when she’s not feeling well (I guess most people do) and Mom says she’s not sure how much rehab she will agree to do.  But maybe if I do the exercises with her, this will encourage her and maybe if I promise to take her for rides if she’s able, that will encourage her.  Dad says he’s not sure she will cooperate with anyone else during the rehab, and I’m feeling some pressure with that.  I’m not god, I have no answers, but I can try.  I know if I can get her to laugh she will cooperate.  I think if I can get permission to take her best friend from assisted living to the rehab center for a little while, that may perk her up a bit. I’m working on keeping my head straight so I will be useful, but some days, it’s really hard. She has to complete the rehab before going back to assisted living.

Thank you again for your thoughts and prayers. 
MS

[lighter]

Well.... MS.

You sure have  alot on your shoulders right now.  Glad you're working on your head.  You can only do what you can do to help Mamaw.  Nothing more.
 Childcare lined up. 
CHECK. 

Make Mamaw feel loved and encourage her to work hard in rehab.
 CHECK. 

That;s your job.  You can't do Mamaws part for her, or I'm sure you would.

She sounds very special and you must be a very wonderful Grandaughter to be loved so much.  I'm sure you love her back and will get the chance to convey that to her when you see her.  Remember, even it it;'s not OK, it's OK.  Do your best and know that you don't have control over everything.  Just you. 

[mountainspring]

Hi Lighter

Thank you for this: 

Remember, even it it;'s not OK, it's OK.  Do your best and know that you don't have control over everything.  Just you.

This is a struggle for me.  I don't always know what the healthy picture is in these situations.  Another example is when I'm around my parents my father sneaks ice cream.  He's not suppose to have it, and he knows it, but he loves it.  So, if I am around, it's don't tell your mother.  And I don't.  What I'd like to do is look at him and say "what the hell are you doing"?  He'll even ask me to buy the stuff if I'm around.  Now.... maybe this is a control thing too?  I'm not sure.  My father has always loved sweets, my mother seems to enjoy depriving him of them, and his doctor tells him to continue to lose weight because of his health issues.  If I buy the ice cream, he interprets that as my caring about him.  If I don't, well,  he thinks I don't.  He's not going to stop.  At what point to we refuse things to those we love because it's not good for them.  I hate these kinds of situations because I don't always know the right thing to do.  I guess this is a whole different topic... but I have difficulty sometimes knowing what's right in these situations. 

And another thing.  My mom and dad met at the airport last time I was there.  He said he parked in 2A, but he meant 2H, and she was arguing with him.  He gets real confused sometimes and this frustrates him.  I said to him, it doesn't matter, just show me where you parked.  And I drove the car and he was able to give me exact instructions as to where it was, and I said see, you know where you parked.  And I told this to my T, and she said there was a triangle going on between my mom, my dad, and me.  I'm confused about that.  I was trying to comfort my dad, not target my mother.  But maybe I was trying to tone her criticising him at the same time.  I guess both motivations were there.  More to work on I guess.  Triangulating, yuck.  That wasn't my intention.  But controlling the hurt was, and I'm not really sure what the healthy thing to do is those type circumstances.  Stay silent while he fumbles around and she enjoys it?  That doesn't seem like a good option to me.  But am I attempting to control the situation.  Yes probably.  Is it healthy?  I don't know.  Anyhow, thanks for bringing it up.  More for me to think about and try to work out a healthy way to express myself without falling into bad things.

[Hopalong]

Hi MS,
I don't know her physical particulars, but if it's any encouragement, my 96 y/o mother has recovered from a mastectomy (at 94) and a bowel surgery (95)...

She is dwindling now and fighting a UTI, but still reading, enjoying game shows, and adoring her caregiver companion. She lives at home...

She's something of a mutant, I think, but she really has been remarkable. Until this year, I think I've never seen her depressed, and she was still driving at 94. I didn't list the osteoporotic fractures, migraines, other things...

my point is just that human resilience is amazing and I do hope for the very best recovery for your beloved grandmother...

And for you, peace.

You cannot be separated from her.


love,
Hops

[mountainspring]

but if it's any encouragement, my 96 y/o mother has recovered from a mastectomy (at 94) and a bowel surgery (95)...

Thank you Hops!!!  This is extremely encouraging!!!!

[Stormchild]

Hi MS

I think your T meant that your parents were doing the triangulating, not you. Your dad is enlisting you as an accomplice in the Ice Cream Wars, and as a defender in the Parking Lot Precision Wars... which would be fine if he ever defended you similarly, but because he hasn't, it's triangulation and unhealthy.

Re mammaw, have them check her hematocrit. This kind of weakness may be the result of anemia. There can be various reasons for that, but they should really check into this SOON.

(((((((((MS))))))))) ye gods when it rains it pours.... I'm so sorry about your son! And your dad's health too.....