This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--

[lighter]

So, she's ticked off.  Feelings aren't right or wrong, they just are.

She can be ticked and you can enforce your boundaries and keep your voice. 

You can step back and take a break. 

So can she.

She can avoid painful issues that trigger guilt,
as frustrating as that may be for you. 

She may not be in the same place you are.  Self examination is a tough spot.

All in all, it's likely neither of you is feeling very understood.  That's a very hard place to communicate from.   
 

There's a lot of baggage and misunderstandings involved.  It's to be expected, considering.

I'm glad you kept your Voice and defended your boundaries, Izz. 
 

[Hopalong]

Hi Izz,
For both your sakes, you need to stop needing to be right, more than you need to be in her life.

You need to let it go about Gus. It's over, this is the present. Don't rub her nose in her failure any more. That's her boundary, and she'll feel safer with you if you don't bring him up again.

I think you wrote that last one very well. It's clear and simple and doesn't lock the door.

You take care of Izz, now. Give it a rest. She'll still be there and so will you.

And we're here for you, and so is your T, and you've done a brave, wonderful thing here.

You did it well enough! You pass! You did a whole bunch of healing, and opened space for her too, as well.

Give her time to mull it over...

lots of love,
Hops

[axa]

Izzy,

I love that you are here.  I see your struggle and pain.  I identify with much of your pain.  I want you to stay.  I think you have been brave enough to let the light into the darkness of your life and that takes such courage.  I wish it was different for all of us here but it aint and we have all begun our own journey.  I want to stay alongside you.

axa

[WRITE]

you know in our families we probably weren't taught this but it's okay to take a break from a relationship, to step back and in open love say I don't know what to do right now so I won't do anything except pray and wait....

There was always such panic in my family that you were going to be abandonned, it's not like now where I can say to my son, I am angry with you, go away for a while until i calm down, it's like we locked into battle for fear of losing what little we had.

I don't know if I am making sense Iz, and I am sorry you are hurting, and I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers.

But all gets made well in the end, I sense that. That's what G_d is for me, that balance of the universe, that non-human love irrespective of our lives here.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Hopalong]

Me too, Write, and Izz:

When I started obsessing over my D rejecting me this wknd, that's what it was. Panic over potential abandonment.

Letting something be what it is, hang in the air without resolution for a while, now that's a test.

pemachodronpemachodronpemachodron

She (Pema) asks, like Victor Frankl, what's the worst that could happen, and then what choice would you make?

Hops

[isittoolate]

Hi everyone,

Yes I am just going to sit back and ignore her and go on with my therapy.

There won't be anything new about her so that's why I said "might be my last post"---that I start  I ought to have said that, but not feeling all that bright regarding relationships, I might now feel 'not-qualified' to post to anyone else.

If anyone wants horror stories I can comply I suppose, like when he trashed my car to the tune of $1500.00, then had it fixed in 3 days (guilt), but I'd like to see all of us in a stage of improving and not having any backslides. However, even those are bound to happen.

Am anxious to get to therapy (tomorrow) and see what it's like not bringing daughter into the equation.

I tried something different today--no eyeshadow. I am going to the library and it will be my first time in public in about 50 years without eye-shadow! Such ruts we get in!

Love for now to all
Izzy

[lighter]

I had to laugh at the "no eyeshadow" comment.  I can leave the house without a stitch of makeup lately and I still feel like myself.  My mother would be horrified, lol. 

I'm looking forward to hearing how you felt in public without that eyeshadow, lol. 
And just for fun, since I don't ever eyeshadow on my girliest girl days, what color did you wear and how much?

 

[isittoolate]

Hey lighter

I have the funniest eyes, Hard to describe. Eye brow up high and just a tiny eyelid, as eyes are not deep set, & as I've aged the lid is more hooded.

Very smooth at 20, but such a wide space always betweem brow and eye --wore brown eye pencil then==now use blond

so 3 eyes, age 20, one made up and one no shadow so 'hood' shows more

very short lashes too.

Glad you had a chuckle.

xx
Izzy

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[lighter]

Ahhhh, the "techincal shading" eyeshadow, lol.

That was very efficient,  you providing all 3 pics quickly and without too much trouble I hope.

Pretty eyes Izzy. 

[Hopalong]

Gorgeous eyes!
(And brows.)

Izz, your eyes remind me of what was that French actress' name...oh shoot, umm...

Jeanne Moreau!

Exotic looking.

Hops

[camper]

I am going to jump in a bit late here but Izz, you are such an asset to this board.  I love reading your replies and posts.  So glad you were begged into staying here!

[isittoolate]

Thanks, lighter, Hops and camper.

My forehead and eyes are a bit like Ava Gardner--will have to look up this Moreau person. Was she married to a Dr. who had an Island.?

Anyway, I went out and had to put a bag over my head--it was as bit difficult navigating, but I made it back home .

I do photo cuts, etc. for the websites I build. so it goes fast. People also send too large. I am also scanning some pictures from the allbums as quite some time ago I said I would send these to my daughter--the real,  live albums. So pics are available.

This is me-in-a-bag, but the truth is, it was pouring rain, as I was going to leave the Library and I asked for 2 bags, one for my lap and one for my head and I DID wear it this way!! I passed a couple of women and told them I was always being told to do this!

love
Crazy IZ



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[lighter]

The bag's a really nice look, lol Izzy. 

[debkor]

Izzy,


Hahaha

You make me laugh so much!  Even when I'm not having such a good day.  You can always lighten it up for me.
I'm glad I met you.

Deb

[isittoolate]

Hiya Deb 

Thanks too, lighter
Glad you liked. I am an accident and a joke going somewhere to happen.

I wonder if I really took real life seriously or thought it was a huge joke on all of us, because the bag on my head was because of no eyeshadow and a thought of mine that I followed through.

That is what has got me through all these years and maybe I'm not at all serious.
I talk about tidying up my place before I die, so that no one comes in and finds any dirty jokes or dirty pictures! This is not a reference to killing myself. This is in reference to after my accident, the gang found a bottle of whiskey and thought they better drink it in case it went bad before I got home, and my sister found some sex books under my neatly folded gloves and scarves. She took them home and with her husband, tried some of the things, laughed and threw them out.

All I remember about one of those books is the idea of a woman slapping a handful of ice, on the you know where, of a man, when he was you know whatting!!

So happy to brighten up your day

I told this to a friend and she went home and cleaned up her act.


toodle -do
xx
Izzy


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