Author Topic: Snobbery vs Humility.  (Read 6998 times)

Hopalong

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Re: Snobbery vs Humility.
« Reply #15 on: June 05, 2007, 12:46:09 AM »
TT:

That would be declasse, dollink. Sniff.

(You have to imagine ze accents.)

Snobs. Feh.

Courtesy rocks, though. That was one ingredient in the glue that helped my parents be so well-stuck together...they both were deep believers in courtesy, gentlemanliness, ladylikeness, etc.

Of course, the vast Victorian repression was the dark side of their manners...but now that I'm older I see the harmonic side too.

It's a good thing on balance, I think. And I believe there are courteous free spirits too.

Making no sense, staying up too late...

Hops

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Overcomer

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Re: Snobbery vs Humility.
« Reply #16 on: June 05, 2007, 06:52:08 AM »
My h was raised by a teacher and yet used poor grammar and cursed a lot when I first met him then found out he worked with men who practiced reversed snobbery-You had to sound ignorant to fit in.  I put an end to it by telling him he would  end his career rise and look like a stupid person-maybe that makes me a snob.
Kelly

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Confounded

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Re: Snobbery vs Humility.
« Reply #17 on: June 06, 2007, 06:06:46 PM »
I agree that snobbery and N'ism are very different things. 

One may find oneself on the receiving end of some pretty harsh stuff, where those with N'ish viewpoints, having no other hope of justification, resort to crying "Snob!" in vain attempts to validate rude or otherwise incorrect behavior.

Until one learns not to listen, or at least not to respond, one may try endlessly to explain why it would be polite or correct to do certain things.  I count myself lucky, in that I now know that although the primary N'ish person in my life, my H, will never admit to doing something that is wrong, rude, incorrect, etc., he WILL take the information away and try to incorporate the change in his future behavior.  But God help the person who wants closure, such as a civil acknowledgement that he understands and cares about what is being said to him about the matter.  If it would entail any kind of admission of error, forget it.

Back before I knew how this works, we used to argue endlessly, as I sought to reach consensis.  Now, I just do whatever I want and if I need his help I let him know.  Eventually he will help me.  But in days gone by, I wanted agreement, understanding, etc., based on an assumption that I could treat him just as I would any other friend or colleague in my peer group.

One of the first big issues, where H cried "Snob!" as a defense against me, was when I advised him that we needed to take the extra links out of the chain in our dining room chandelier.  It had been looped up, held by a twist-tie for over a decade.  This is a pretty nice home, and it looked really inappropriate.  I told him that we needed to remove the extra links and push the extra electrical cord up into the ceiling.  To my dismay, he insisted that it was fine as it was.  I explained that since it would always be too long with the extra links, and that those would only be needed in a room with a higher ceiling, removing the extra links was just a normal part of installation.  Perhaps the electrician had left it for the owner of the new home (H and his late wife) to adjust as they wished, base on their table's height, etc.  We fixed it, but under protest from H, who called me "high maintenance."   

This and many other items to follow became bones of contention, where H called me a snob, declared that he hated my family, because we're all snobs, etc.  Any correction of his grammar got the same result.  I was an awful person for caring about speaking correctly, and anybody else who did was too.  I got sucked into the name calling, declared him to be "no maintenance" and eventually "white trash."  I have stopped that now.  When he tries to get things going, I just leave it alone.  I no longer seek agreement at any price.  I seek it only if it comes easily.  If I have to go through too much to get consensis I just inform H of my intentions and go about my business.  I can do whatever I want, regardless of what he says.  He's often just trying to get that negative "banter" going that he did with his first wife.  I don't like that game.  I like to praise and collaborate.  I like positive energy.     

N's can be snobs, and they can also cry "Snob!" as they attempt to defend the indefensible.     

bigalspal

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Re: Snobbery vs Humility.
« Reply #18 on: July 01, 2007, 06:37:55 PM »
Dear teartracks,
I like your username. I can relate, I guess.
Anyway, my N mother is the biggest snob I know!
I cannot for the life of me figure it out. She was a WAITRESS her whole working life. NOTHING wrong with that, but to her she was a STAR!
And the weirdest thing yet...She has NOTHING going on inside her mind. She cannot hold a conversation on ANYTHING but her FLOWERS!
I'm into genealogy through DNA. I tried to explain to her WHY I thought it was fascinating & she told me NEVER to talk about it to people because it was boring & I would scare people away!
But...this is the same woman who is SMARTER than ANYONE! Just ask her.
She won't take care of her teeth, but she preens & struts around like a vain 21 yr old. She's 66!
Oh, this lists goes on & on & on & on.
She looks down her nose & everyone. She once told me "I don't NEED a man to take care of me!"
Guess what? She's been married 4 times! Now also keep in mind she hasn't worked in YEARS! Lives of my stepfather & the money she stole from my great aunt's will. She got power of attorney & changed it so that nobody inherited anything but her!
If you ever try to point out the contradictions & holes her her logic, she will freeze up & end the conversation immediately!
Boy, an N sure can drive you CRAZY!
Bigalspal
"Sure I'd like to beat Notre Dame, don't get me wrong. But nothing matters more than beating that cow college on the other side of the state." -- Coach Bear Bryant....
          To a group of boosters before an Auburn game.
ROOOOOOOOLL TIDE ROLL!!

Stormchild

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Re: Snobbery vs Humility.
« Reply #19 on: July 01, 2007, 07:46:21 PM »
not gonna flame you, S&S, gonna agree with you totally.

our gifts are given to us that we may better serve others.

as long as the focus is on the use of the gifts to serve others, instead of the use of the gifts to exalt oneself, there's no snobbery involved in either having them or using them.
The only way out is through, and the only way to win is not to play.

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Stormchild

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Re: Snobbery vs Humility.
« Reply #20 on: July 01, 2007, 07:48:52 PM »
anti-codependent post script: I am assuming of course that the serving is mutual, that there is giving and receiving of gifts.

God knows, most people here have been exhorted to give well past the point of pathology, and that is not at all what I want to endorse.
The only way out is through, and the only way to win is not to play.

"... truth is all I can stand to live with." -- Moonlight52

http://galewarnings.blogspot.com

http://strangemercy.blogspot.com

http://potemkinsoffice.blogspot.com