Are we mentally ill?

[Certain Hope]

You know, I'm now afraid to post on this board. I've been thinking about it all day. I never meant to offend anyone by my abortion comment, but it WAS said to me & it is my pain.
For years I've been looking for someone, anyone to understand what I went through. Now, I guess I'm afraid what I talk about will upset someone. I'm trying not to over react, but now I'm not sure what I can safely talk about.
Bigalspal

(((((((Bigalspal))))))) 

I don't think anyone here would want it any other way but for you to feel free to talk about whatever is on your mind and heart.
I really don't.
And I'm so sorry you have had to live with the cruelty of your mother's statements to you... I can't imagine that.

With love,
Hope

[motheroffour]

I think you should talk about whatever it is you need to talk about.  If people get offended, then I guess they do.  We are all working thru such deep and complex stuff.  Too bad we can't be more tolerant of each other ---cut each other some slack.  I hope you are not afraid to post. 

This thread got pretty deep and diverse and edgy.  Maybe we should scrap it and start of with a better subject.  One that will lift us to higher ground.

And bigalspal, I don't have much experience.  But I am sorry for your pain.  Sorry things were said to you.  And I am a good listener sometimes. You are welcome on my porch anytime.  Want some lemonade?

--mof4

[lighter]

I used the word insane in at least one of my posts.  I didn't think twice about it until Write pointed out where that word came from and how it makes people with mental illness feel to see it used lightly.  

I didn't know and now I do because she said something.  

Write can correct me here but, I'm sure she didn't want anyone to stop posting.... she just wanted to enlighten people and share her own views.  

That's how I took it and I think harder before I hit send.  

That doesn't mean I won't step on toes in the future but.... I'll think about the message and try not to take it personally.

Bigalspal....Please don't stop posting.  You didn't mean to step on any toes.  You shared your pain and your experience is something you may share here.  Your mother's treatment of you was cruel and unfair and I'm sorry that happened to you ((((pal))))

[Overcomer as guest]

That is right, Bigalspal...............I find myself venting a lot.................and my vents are not always popular with some....others understand completely.  I want to hear about your stuff and I want you to hear about mine.  I do not regret this thread at all.  I think there was some pretty good stuff posted here!  I still feel sorry for my friend regardless.

Keep a posting........
Kelly

[bigalspal]

Thanks CH & MOF,
I really appreciate the kind words. It just freaked me out. I thought this was the place to finally let it all out. I promise I never ment to hurt Write with my statements. I just wanted for once in my life to tell it to someone else. You see, I've been so ashamed for so many years that I had a mom who would hate me so much that she would tell me that, That I've only told 2 people. My husband & adult daughter. And they can't really understand.
Now I think I might be more damaged than the rest of you guys. KWIM. This is NOT a victim statement. I'm just wondering if I've told TOO MUCH & freaked you guys out?
Bigalspal

[Certain Hope]

Thanks CH & MOF,
I really appreciate the kind words. It just freaked me out. I thought this was the place to finally let it all out. I promise I never ment to hurt Write with my statements. I just wanted for once in my life to tell it to someone else. You see, I've been so ashamed for so many years that I had a mom who would hate me so much that she would tell me that, That I've only told 2 people. My husband & adult daughter. And they can't really understand.
Now I think I might be more damaged than the rest of you guys. KWIM. This is NOT a victim statement. I'm just wondering if I've told TOO MUCH & freaked you guys out?
Bigalspal

No!! no no... and Lighter said it better than I could, but I am so sure that's not at all what Write meant. Sheesh, I hate to speak for someone else (sorry, Write!) but I just know that wasn't at all her intent. 

Okay, some of the stuff on this thread did threaten to set off my own personal "freak me" alarm, but then I just skim over it. Same with all threads.
I'm also glad that Write spoke up, because I use several words about which I'll think twice from now on... and that's a good thing!
It has nothing to do with abortion.

Love,
Hope

[bigalspal]

I guess I'm just very fragile right now. I hate that about myself. I guess it's because I'm so new to this board & to this experience. I don't want to be easily offended! I'm damaged by endless critcisms from my past. I guess I wouldn't be here if I wasn't, huh?
You guys know each other so much better than you know me. I'm the "new kid on the block" So, if you say Write didn't mean to hurt me, then I'll just chalk it up to a bad day. Thanks for all the real honest emotional help everyone has given me! I'm still a little shook up, but I'll keep watching the board & try to post again soon.
Love,
Bigalspal

[lighter]

Ya know..... no one meant to hurt Write's feelings, yet it happened.

Everyone here is vulnerable, to some extent, and learning to deal with it. 


Keep this in mind and try to understand, not react.  I promise you.... I have to remind myself to do that all the time. 

[Overcomer]

That is true.  Every one of us is wounded to a certain extent.  I used to be a real people pleaser but now I do not always think before I speak.  There has been more than once I have opened my mouth and inserted my foot-BUT I would never deliberately hurt someone.  I totally intimidate our new employees but they soon know that I am an outspoken sweetheart!

[Ami]

Dear Bigal pal,
   I have not been following this thread too closely. When I saw your pain,, i wanted to chime in.
  First of all, you are here to find your voice.Your voice is important It is crucial for your survival-- body , soul and spirit.
   Don't let anyone  take away your goal-- which is to heal. Don't let anyone make you go back in to your shell. Don't let anyone push you back in to shame.
    You  deserve to be here and to find out the real you-- under all the N lies.
 
  Don't let another person-- here- or in real life-- push you back to being the abused girl without a voice         Love  Ami

[debkor]

Bigalspal,

Listen I respect anyones belief and choices.  It is theirs the same as I have mine that may be different but it does not make mine right and theirs wrong.  It's just mine. 

Don't be afraid to post what you want.  I am pro -choice and I did not for one minute feel offended by what you said.

I really understood what you are saying with my beliefs and all.

I'm glad your here and your mother is a mean, mean, miserable person to ever have said that to you. I am sorry. That must of cut like a knife.

I am not freaked out Big. I am glad you are speaking. 

I do understand and respect you also Write. 
 

Deb

[bigalspal]

Thank you Ami for the very kind words. You have hit the nail on the head. I find myself wanting to retreat back into my shell. I hate confrontation! I know, as someone just mentioned, that we are ALL hurting to a certain degree, so i guess there's bound to be confrontation. All day long I was telling myself; "Look! You haven't been on this board for a MONTH & you've made someone upset!" STUPID STUPID STUPID. Yeah, I realize I type in capps alot. I guess it's just all this repressed emotion coming out, so please look over that.
Alot of posts I look at before I hit send & think :Boy, you are so whiny! Try to be POSITIVE!
But, I'm not at that stage yet. I hope to be soon. I try to give others positive feedback.
Right now, I"M HATING ALL THIS ATTENTION TO ME!
But, the other part of me says tell them you are hurting. Don't leave the best thing that's happened to you in forever. ARRRGGG! I am trying so hard not to hit the delete button. I don't wan't to post this. Dang it! I am not a victim! I don't NEED all this reassurance. STOP IT!
GHrow up! People sometimes disagree, right? And here comes the "Get Over It!" that i've been hearing all of my life. Now, THIS IS NOT WHAT I THINK YOU ARE SAYING. This is what I'm saying to myself. I'll be OK. I have to be, right? I can't crumble over every little thing that is said to me. That's the OLD me. I want to change. I want to be different. I had a friend that kept telling me that I've got to "get a thick skin". DUH? Like I don't know that.
I guess it's one step up & 2 steps back.
OK, people, it's taking alot of courage to post this. But here goes.
Love,
Bigalspal

[lighter]

Al..... I'm so glad you hit send: ) 

You need to learn to rise up and observe everything going on around you, without being flooded and overcome by emotions.

It's your job to NOT be overcome.  I didn't realize that until about 10 years ago.  I was over 30, lol... in any case... when I paid for that information at a Therapist's office.

You're learning to cope.  You're learning to speak your thoughts and stand up for yourself.  Everyone here is.  Sometimes we step on toes.  Mostly, we learn from the discussions.  ::shrug::

You're as welcome here as anyone and I gotta tell ya.... I understand needing the board's support.  I need it too.

You stand your ground and keep posting.  Learn to view your situations from a distance, miles maybe, and don't react.  Don't freak out.  Observe and think about the advice you'd give a friend in your situation.  Feelings aren't wrong or right... they just are.  Yours included. 

I think you'll start feeling better soon.  Reacting less as you learn more about yourself.  Feeling better more often.  Gaining tools to problem solve..... creating new habits and extinguishing unhealthy ones.  It's a process.  You're on your way: )

[bigalspal]

I forgot to thank Deb for her encouragement. Thanks! And thanks to everyone. I'm ready to move on. I'm just going to forget anything happened. 
I'm just so tired of drama. Caused by me or someone else. I knew it was wrong to post that original complaint, but the "child" in me couldn't resit. I knew the S***t would hit the proverbial fan & it did, all centered around my "hurt feelings:. Just felt like a fool once it got started.I'm learning from reading other posts that when I do that, I'm creating what's familiar. What I learned as a child. And ya know what? I did just that. My NMother caused the same kind of crap. Yuck!
Ok, if it's okay with you folks, I'm OVER it. 
Love,
Bigalspal
PS: Hey look! Not so many capps! For me that means I'm calm. Yea me! 

[lighter]

Ummmmmm.... ok, Al.

But not Ok if you're referring to your original post about your feelings on your mother's cruel behavior. 

I saw nothing innapropriate with that post and I think you should rethink your position if you're "original complaint" was about your mother's hurtful words to you? 

If your talking about your post where you thought about not returning to the board, you were just speaking your feelings.  You won't be the first and you sure won't be the last. 

Nuff said.