Cry for help

[Ami]

I think that the profound, intellectual answer would be "Whatever gets you through the night"..     Ami

[isittoolate]

Ami,

I was writing about ME.

I did not find that profound nor intellectual at all.  I found it sarcastic.

Plase apologize.

Izzy

[Tweety]

Dear(((((((((((((( Ami))))))))))))))))
I'm so sorry you are in so much pain. The betrayal and the lies the feeling dizzy , I know how you feel.   I just wanted to say you are a beautiful person with extraordinary insight, You were in so much pain today and still reached out to me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being there for me and I hope I can repay the kindness  . It still amazes me that these people can't see any of these qualities and love and cherish the person for them. I can see and feel all these wonderful , caring , loving qualities in you and I have only typed with you. The loss is there's my friend. not yours
Love Tweety

[Ami]

Dear Besee and Tweety,
  THANK YOU. I am overwhelmed by your kind responses .                               Love and Big  Hug  Ami

[Tweety]

I have to say for me personally, when someone says to me "Get over it" "Your not over it yet" , very damaging to me. it's like I'm be invalidated. It's very painfull. Everyones wounds are different. Some of ours run deep , right down to our souls. Everyone heals in there own time at there own pace. People shouldn't compare there insides to other peoples outsides. Healing takes place in our time and in God's time. some wounds don't heal, they may not be as "infected" as they use to be, those wounds we just learn to live with.......... Take as much time as you need ((((((((((((Ami))))))))))))

[Ami]

I have to write about my father.. He arrived here in my city. He is staying in a hotel. He called me. I got a really funny feeling about it. He did not sound like a contrite person wanting to connect with a "lost" daughter who he has not seen for 7 years. He seemed "evil" in the way that Peck writes about it in People of the Lie'
   I got the sense of the movie character with a smile,but who is hiding the evil inside. If this is so, it is so horrible ,beyond words. I feel like  the character in Rosemary's Baby'. She kept trying to find someone to help her. . Finally, she thought that she had found somone to help her. He was a doctor-well dressed, well spoken, in a nice office ... She finally got to his office and was breathing hard and thanking God that she was finally O.K. Then,it turned out that he was a bad guy, too.
   I feel like I am in Rosemary's Baby. I feel sick all over. I would like to tell my father not to come over. Then,my H will probably go behind my back and betray me. IF what I am feeling is real, I am dealing with  evil. I hope that it is not . My body feels like it is, though.
   If I did not have God, I could never, ever, ever face this . Knowing that you are there, Dear Friends really helps. 'Regular people ( even Maria) don't understand N's. My older son worked with an N for 8 months. She practically destroyed him.After that , he understood about my Mother. Very few people get how destructive N's are  . Janet, your comments started me thinking about this. I really, really hope that it is not true.                                    Love  Ami

[bigalspal]

Tweety, you are so right!
I KNOW it's hard for people (my family included) to understand how damaging "Get over it" is.
It definitely invalidates us.
All our lives we have heard this. I think that phrase has hurt me more than any phrase ever has or will. It's just brutal. It says "I don't care.".
And, that's something we just can't stand.
Give me that magic formula. I want it now. I'll empty out my bank account for it.
I know Ami & I and all of you that believe in God, will be set free someday.
I know it! I might be dead & gone & in heaven, but it will happen.
I'm hoping I get release before I die.
And I know to the day I do die, that I will always want my mommy!
Give me my mommy!
The one I was supposed to get. Heck, give me my daddy, too!
I didn't get one of those either.
Yes, I know I sound like I'm 2 yrs old. That is where I'm stuck. I know that better than any of you do. You don't have to tell me I'm 2 yrs old.
Dang, here comes the tears AGAIN!
But, you know what? That's OK, because I'm thawing out.
Love,
Bigalspal

[guest101]

ami, not too long ago I felt lost and broken.

remember dear spirit, the Lord will never give you more than you can bear.

I am so glad you mention the book The People of the Lie, that book is what saved me.  I always knew evil existed, but never in the way he explained it.

when people say get over it it's because they don't want to feel your feelings.  think about it.  if you see a car crash you wince at the man being carried away in the stretcher because you can FEEL the pain he's in.


we are all connected

but People of the Lie fight against that connection.  they push people away through lies, pain and hurt and they do so callously and without thought for the other person.

the other day my father called.  my daughter said:   your father is on the phone. 

he spoke to me like you would speak to a neighbor who you don't know to well, about the weather and such.  this is all he's capable of.  he has no relationship with me or my children and until recently I hadn't seen him in years.

if anyone attempted to get closer to them he would damage them horribly.

in fact, whenever I get around him I can feel him working on my spirit, challenging me, trying to discredit me, fight with me, make me wrong.

it is something I call the transference of spirits.

it is like he's trying to transfer his spirit of contention and self-hatred onto me.

with any encounter with him I walk away feeling icky.

but when I'm with beautiful, loving, honest people I feel wonderful.  I bask in their glorious spirit.

my advice is to spend minimal time with negative people if you can.

surround yourself with love and kindness and you will start to feel differently.  you are already changing, it's just that you can't see it now.

I say this all for you as much as for you as for myself  -- I have faith that peace and love and happiness will be abundant in my life and for all those who seek it.

[Tweety]

Ami,
If thats the way you feel than TRUST yourself. Can you find the strength to say NO , you won't meet with him, if this is really how you are feeling. Something inside you is trying to tell you something LISTEN.
Love Tweety

[lighter]

 I feel like I am in Rosemary's Baby. I feel sick all over. I would like to tell my father not to come over. Then,my H will probably go behind my back and betray me. IF what I am feeling is real, I am dealing with  evil. I hope that it is not . My body feels like it is, though.
   If I did not have God, I could never, ever, ever face this . Knowing that you are there, Dear Friends really helps. 'Regular people ( even Maria) don't understand N's. My older son worked with an N for 8 months. She practically destroyed him.After that , he understood about my Mother. Very few people get how destructive N's are  . Janet, your comments started me thinking about this. I really, really hope that it is not true.                                    Love  Ami

Ami..... you sound so overwhelmed right now and I really think it would help to have someone real on your side that does understand N's.  

Besides your son.

I'm concerned for your children as is without your son having to be your confidant.  

You need more support for yourself so you can be strong for them too.  

I'm concerned about all three of you in that house with an angry raging violent man, esp while you're trying to stand up to him and feeling so off balance.  

I get so much validation from this board but..... checking in with a Therapist does two things.  

Provides understanding and information about N's and provides documentation in case you do end up in court.

(((Ami)))  You don't have to see your father if you don't want to.  You're an adult and you may make choices.  Or go to the beach till he leaves: /

[bigalspal]

Ami,
Sweetie, I guess we were posting at the same time, because I didn't see your post about your father until now.
Oh boy, I hope you are wrong!
I hope he hasn't come to hurt you. You know your F better than we do. Do you think he's trying to dig for information to take home with him to hurt you with?
I do know it's possible.
My 2 brothers are tattling on each other, even as we speak, to our NMother. My aunt heard it herself.
They both live together, due to failed relationships (anyone surprized?) and run to mother & compete for her attention. Not because they LOVE her, but because she has MONEY.  
I HATE those kind of games. But, I'm sooo guilty of it, too!  
I live too far away to see her, but now & again she calls & I suck right up to her.
Ami, I sure hope you're not right. For your sake. That would be awful!
We love you & if that happens, well, you can tell us all about it.
Love,
Bigalspal

[Ami]

Dear Friends,
   Thanks to all of you  and my older son, I told my F not to come over tomorrow..
   I told my F that if he wanted to try to foster more lies about my M, then I did not want to see him. at all  I got a weird feeling that he was not reacting"right". , I would  have had a different response--- a more contrite one .He did not sound contrite. It was more--" whatever you want. me to say-- I will. "It did not have the emotions of contrition is what I am trying to say.
   He just called me. I guess what it is is that she practically killed me and he is acting like he is apologizing for something small. He DID apologize for trying to make her actions right. However,it did not feel like  it had the emotional gravity that it should have.
  He just called   and his voice did not seem to have the caring associated with someone who had betrayed someone(me) so badly that I almost died.
  I don't know.Thanks for being there. Any thoughts would be really welcomed                                    Love  Ami

[Hopalong]

Hi Ami...

He's just a man. A middle-aged confused man who doesn't know what he's doing or what to do or why he's doing it.

Does he wear glasses?
Does he have any age spots?
Does he really like his work, or is it just a job?

He's probably paid a price too, from being in your mother's orbit.

One day, when you feel stronger, you'll see that he's just a man.

Meanwhile, sending you strength for this encounter.

You will be okay, but I do echo Lighter...you need some real-world balance people.
Not just Maria and a Yorkie in 3-D world.

We're here, but we're in the ozone, hon. Please find some 3D-world support too.

I think Bob Dylan sang, "...You've gotta trust somebody..."

Hops

[bigalspal]

Ami,
Oh boy, I know that must have hurt.
I guess he's trying to play both ends to the middle.
Keep you happy & live with NMother.
We both know who's gonna win, & that sucks!
I'm so sorry, sweetie. I wish it could've ended better for you.  
Love,
Bigalspal

[Ami]

Thanks Hops,
   I will  try to not think that he is evil b/c it is too much to bear and I feel like I will throw up if I keep thinking about it.
  I will go to bed thinking about what you said  . Hopefully, he has just been around evil,but he is not . I am going to internalize  what you said   so that I can cope.                                           Love  Ami