Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?

[BonesMS]

Have a follow up dental appointment on Wednesday.  Still sore from the extraction.   

[BonesMS]

Still not feeling wonderful!   

[sKePTiKal]

Is it still your extraction bothering you, Bones? or something else?

[BonesMS]

Is it still your extraction bothering you, Bones? or something else?

The extraction site is still bothering a bit and I saw the dentist this morning.  He examined it and told me that it's healing nicely and there is no sign of infection.  It's going to be sensitive for a while since both the gum and bone have to heal.  NOT fun!  I just have to deal with it one day at a time until then.

Bones

[sKePTiKal]

Patience, grasshopper! Your mouth has been assaulted and it will take time for it to heal. Each day will be a little better.

I thought I'd posted a reply about how my hubby turns Ns inside out... but something must've happened; it ain't here. So, what he does... is string them along... agreeing with every outrageous statement until they finally say something so absurd that they can no longer pretend they're smart or important or whatever. All the time, he knows what they're saying is total bull... and he really couldn't care less... he finds them harmlessly amusing. He doesn't have to point and say: They have no new clothes! He just leads them on with quiet logic and facts, until they end up proclaiming it themselves... and then OOOPS! they're caught out.

Even the one's who wield power over others - eventually fall into this hole that they dig for themselves. Some will try to blame others; some will try to polish the "turd" they created; and some will "act out" with anger or violence or scandal...

... but hubby knows them for the self-deluded, inept, broken people they are and also knows that the law of karma (or whatever) does always catch up to them - and he refuses to let them influence his own sense of self or values or to influence what he "knows" to be right. Hubby knows they're not the people who really "do" anything productive or valuable. They're just "hot-air-bags"... and an irritating fact of life...

but then: hubby is a master of schmoozing and flourishes in a social setting. I'm not - though I can sort of "put on" that mindset and walk myself through it. It's not a natural skill for me and at feels like putting on a girdle, hose and 4 inch heels. Sure I can do it, and sometimes even pull it off, but's it's just not comfortable.... and I'm always thinking about the moment when I can change into my "fuzzy pants and slippers"!

[BonesMS]

Patience, grasshopper! Your mouth has been assaulted and it will take time for it to heal. Each day will be a little better.

I thought I'd posted a reply about how my hubby turns Ns inside out... but something must've happened; it ain't here. So, what he does... is string them along... agreeing with every outrageous statement until they finally say something so absurd that they can no longer pretend they're smart or important or whatever. All the time, he knows what they're saying is total bull... and he really couldn't care less... he finds them harmlessly amusing. He doesn't have to point and say: They have no new clothes! He just leads them on with quiet logic and facts, until they end up proclaiming it themselves... and then OOOPS! they're caught out.

Even the one's who wield power over others - eventually fall into this hole that they dig for themselves. Some will try to blame others; some will try to polish the "turd" they created; and some will "act out" with anger or violence or scandal...

... but hubby knows them for the self-deluded, inept, broken people they are and also knows that the law of karma (or whatever) does always catch up to them - and he refuses to let them influence his own sense of self or values or to influence what he "knows" to be right. Hubby knows they're not the people who really "do" anything productive or valuable. They're just "hot-air-bags"... and an irritating fact of life...

but then: hubby is a master of schmoozing and flourishes in a social setting. I'm not - though I can sort of "put on" that mindset and walk myself through it. It's not a natural skill for me and at feels like putting on a girdle, hose and 4 inch heels. Sure I can do it, and sometimes even pull it off, but it's just not comfortable.... and I'm always thinking about the moment when I can change into my "fuzzy pants and slippers"!

Thanks, P.R.!

I like the idea of your hubby dealing with the N's by turning them inside out!  I wish I had that skill!!!!  The only thing I know how to do, when confronted with an N behaving like an a$$ is to simply act as if they are NOT there.  I notice that flusters them like CRAZY!!!!  It just irks me to know that N's don't care who they hurt with their cr*p!

Bones

[BonesMS]

Why do some men, who are pushing 60, still act like they're 14 years old?!?!?!?!?   

Bones

[sKePTiKal]

Not sure what you're referring to, but I do know that some guys hang on to their "love of play & toys" forever. It's not so awful in hubby... especially when I seem to have forgotten how to play & have fun. Or won't let myself, for one reason & another. Even when I start doing creative stuff... I turn it into work; make it too serious; and choke all the "fun" out of it.

But then, timing is an issue. I can be so fixated (and rigidly so) on a task, that his play-approaches irritate me no end! I try not to take his head off... I do want to keep him around. He's suggested I get a sign that I can wear, that has "not available" and "available" on either side... so he has a clue when it's OK to play or when he's gonna tick me off. It can change in an instant and not even I'm aware that it's changed, most of the time.

I have to admit, it's a practical idea! 

[BonesMS]

Not sure what you're referring to, but I do know that some guys hang on to their "love of play & toys" forever. It's not so awful in hubby... especially when I seem to have forgotten how to play & have fun. Or won't let myself, for one reason & another. Even when I start doing creative stuff... I turn it into work; make it too serious; and choke all the "fun" out of it.

But then, timing is an issue. I can be so fixated (and rigidly so) on a task, that his play-approaches irritate me no end! I try not to take his head off... I do want to keep him around. He's suggested I get a sign that I can wear, that has "not available" and "available" on either side... so he has a clue when it's OK to play or when he's gonna tick me off. It can change in an instant and not even I'm aware that it's changed, most of the time.

I have to admit, it's a practical idea! 

Sounds like a good idea, that sign.

I guess I'm still trying to analyze the behaviors of the two male Idiots after the Reunion; the Sleazy Dweeb and Mr. Blue.  Both of them act as if they are still in junior high school!

Bones

[BonesMS]

And I tend to look for love/parmagh in all the wrong places because I am subconsciously drawn to what is familiar...recreating the type of relationship I had with the NWomb-donor thinking that THIS time I can fix it.  It is IMPOSSIBLE to fix any relationship with a Narcissist!

Bones

[sKePTiKal]

Don't have much time this a.m. - promised MIL we'd go to a plant sale.

OK - I get it about the guys. They're like telemarketers - they have to connect with me or interest me or convince me they have something I want or are being "real" and "genuinely themselves", in the first 20 seconds or it's Hasta la Vista, baby.... life's short and there ARE the "other kind" of guys out there. The ones who are real, kind, who can set aside what they want to give, who are patient and caring and even kinda sensitive themselves. Thinker-feelers. Took me 3 tries - but I finally found one.

I don't have any plans to trade him in on a newer model - much as I gripe about him sometimes!

[BonesMS]

Don't have much time this a.m. - promised MIL we'd go to a plant sale.

OK - I get it about the guys. They're like telemarketers - they have to connect with me or interest me or convince me they have something I want or are being "real" and "genuinely themselves", in the first 20 seconds or it's Hasta la Vista, baby.... life's short and there ARE the "other kind" of guys out there. The ones who are real, kind, who can set aside what they want to give, who are patient and caring and even kinda sensitive themselves. Thinker-feelers. Took me 3 tries - but I finally found one.

I don't have any plans to trade him in on a newer model - much as I gripe about him sometimes!

Thanks, P.R.

It's nearly impossible to find a healthy relationship while struggling with self-esteem issues.

Bones

[BonesMS]

Plus trying to "read" people's faces when I have Asperger's is a CHALLENGE!   

[BonesMS]

Plus trying to bring my mind, my body, my emotions, and my logic into alignment in order to find balance.   

[Hopalong]

I hear you, Bones.

Me, too.

Hang in there,

Hops