Author Topic: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?  (Read 1307374 times)

BonesMS

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8060
Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #2910 on: November 20, 2011, 09:08:16 AM »
Having some computer problems this morning......
Back Off Bug-A-Loo!

BonesMS

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8060
Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #2911 on: November 21, 2011, 08:09:42 AM »
Feeling REALLY DOWN today!
Back Off Bug-A-Loo!

sKePTiKal

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5441
Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #2912 on: November 21, 2011, 03:32:06 PM »
Anything in particular causing this Bones? or just "everything"?
Our weather seems to be zigzagging between Indian Summer and the onset of winter... and the chilly, gray days are inducing fantasies of curling up under a blanket on the couch with a large cup of tea & a good book. I might just go that - it sounds pretty good!
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

BonesMS

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8060
Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #2913 on: November 21, 2011, 03:38:37 PM »
Anything in particular causing this Bones? or just "everything"?
Our weather seems to be zigzagging between Indian Summer and the onset of winter... and the chilly, gray days are inducing fantasies of curling up under a blanket on the couch with a large cup of tea & a good book. I might just go that - it sounds pretty good!

Thanks, P.R.

It feels like a combination of EVERYTHING....the bone graft, the stitches, the coming holidays, the cold, damp, weather, PTSD, feeling isolated, having PLENTY of acquaintances but NO 3-D people that are genuinely DEPENDABLE should I land back in the hospital again, etc., etc., etc.  YUCK!!   :P
Back Off Bug-A-Loo!

BonesMS

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8060
Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #2914 on: November 21, 2011, 03:47:08 PM »
I'm thinking I may have to go to a restaurant, alone, on Thanksgiving Day, if there's a place open.  I don't want to be stuck home alone again.

Bones
Back Off Bug-A-Loo!

Hopalong

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 13616
Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #2915 on: November 21, 2011, 10:59:42 PM »
I'd go to a nursing home and just hold hands with somebody so out of it they can't talk.
I know touching helps and since I don't get enough touch, I'd "steal it" by giving it.

Seems how it works, anyway.

I had so many moments in the nursing home when I went every day...just
kept thinking for so many of those abandoned folks, just holding their hands
for a while, gentle touch, a little shoulder pat...kind of gentle leaning the way
a companionable dog does...that quiet way of conveying, I'm here with you...

Is a really good way to get through a lonely hour.

xo
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

sKePTiKal

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5441
Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #2916 on: November 22, 2011, 07:21:11 AM »
You know, I always wondered why people went nutsy with cleaning, christmas decorations, baking, etc - of course I worked 12 hr days in retail back then & tried to do all that, too! And I now, I'm wondering if by keeping busy (want tos; not the have tos)... people were trying to find a way to escape the winter blahs?? Just until the days started getting longer again and there was a minute or two more of light each day?

I don't mind hibernating and can finally just be lazy, if that's what I need on a particular day. What I've noticed is that this helps me as I'm getting into a new rhythm and new routines and need more energy just to do that... so it's like 1-2 days of energizer bunny work; 1/2 day ensconced on the couch with kitties, tea, throw and media (and allowing my eyes to drift shut).

I've had to have a serious "talk" with myself about how I'm not 30 anymore and it's wacko to expect myself to be able to go-go-go all the time, like I used to. I've had to do the image of a 2x4 upside my head... to beat into it the idea that YES, my ankle and sciatic nerve are acting up again... BECAUSE I'm trying to do too much and simply not stretching everyday, like I know I should. And that when it hurts (I've had some tooth issues, too)... well, damn it - it hurts and if I don't "take care of myself" no one else is going to. That's when I can hear the little voice saying... I want my mommy!!!

And that's become a running joke in our house - we need a mommy to take care of us. A GOOD mommy... sometimes even just acknowledging that is enough to "carry on". And we find ways to take care of each other... and get through those mommy-moments. And neither of us, is very good at "asking" for help... so it can be pretty comical at times. But hey - I gotta brag! - hubs did the dishes two days in a row, without me asking! (Though I have been talking to him about how if he helps out more with the normal chores, I'll have more time to pay attention to him.... for 10 years, I've been talking! He's used to being spoiled by a good mommy... and I'm still running a deficit in that area.)

I'd say, from your list, Bones... you're having a "mommy moment". Now, you just need one other person - in 3D - who's willing and able to be "mommy" for you for a day, in return for the same, when they need it. You probably don't want to suggest that, this way, in so many words though!!!! I wonder if you could simply ask one of those acquaintances to just come keep you company for an afternoon? That's how acquaintances slide over to the friends column... play cards, have tea, just hang out...
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

BonesMS

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8060
Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #2917 on: November 22, 2011, 07:51:41 AM »
I'd go to a nursing home and just hold hands with somebody so out of it they can't talk.
I know touching helps and since I don't get enough touch, I'd "steal it" by giving it.

Seems how it works, anyway.

I had so many moments in the nursing home when I went every day...just
kept thinking for so many of those abandoned folks, just holding their hands
for a while, gentle touch, a little shoulder pat...kind of gentle leaning the way
a companionable dog does...that quiet way of conveying, I'm here with you...

Is a really good way to get through a lonely hour.

xo
Hops

Thanks, Hops.
Back Off Bug-A-Loo!

BonesMS

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8060
Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #2918 on: November 22, 2011, 08:01:05 AM »
You know, I always wondered why people went nutsy with cleaning, christmas decorations, baking, etc - of course I worked 12 hr days in retail back then & tried to do all that, too! And I now, I'm wondering if by keeping busy (want tos; not the have tos)... people were trying to find a way to escape the winter blahs?? Just until the days started getting longer again and there was a minute or two more of light each day?

I don't mind hibernating and can finally just be lazy, if that's what I need on a particular day. What I've noticed is that this helps me as I'm getting into a new rhythm and new routines and need more energy just to do that... so it's like 1-2 days of energizer bunny work; 1/2 day ensconced on the couch with kitties, tea, throw and media (and allowing my eyes to drift shut).

I've had to have a serious "talk" with myself about how I'm not 30 anymore and it's wacko to expect myself to be able to go-go-go all the time, like I used to. I've had to do the image of a 2x4 upside my head... to beat into it the idea that YES, my ankle and sciatic nerve are acting up again... BECAUSE I'm trying to do too much and simply not stretching everyday, like I know I should. And that when it hurts (I've had some tooth issues, too)... well, damn it - it hurts and if I don't "take care of myself" no one else is going to. That's when I can hear the little voice saying... I want my mommy!!!

And that's become a running joke in our house - we need a mommy to take care of us. A GOOD mommy... sometimes even just acknowledging that is enough to "carry on". And we find ways to take care of each other... and get through those mommy-moments. And neither of us, is very good at "asking" for help... so it can be pretty comical at times. But hey - I gotta brag! - hubs did the dishes two days in a row, without me asking! (Though I have been talking to him about how if he helps out more with the normal chores, I'll have more time to pay attention to him.... for 10 years, I've been talking! He's used to being spoiled by a good mommy... and I'm still running a deficit in that area.)

I'd say, from your list, Bones... you're having a "mommy moment". Now, you just need one other person - in 3D - who's willing and able to be "mommy" for you for a day, in return for the same, when they need it. You probably don't want to suggest that, this way, in so many words though!!!! I wonder if you could simply ask one of those acquaintances to just come keep you company for an afternoon? That's how acquaintances slide over to the friends column... play cards, have tea, just hang out...

Thanks, P.R.

Every 3-D person I know are all busy with their own families, their own things, etc.  It's not for lack of asking and/or lack of trying on my part.  Already been there, done that.  Decades ago, neighbors were neighborly.  Not anymore, not in this day and age.  *Sigh!*   :?
Back Off Bug-A-Loo!

BonesMS

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8060
Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #2919 on: November 22, 2011, 11:23:26 AM »
Another thing that just hit me....today, November 22nd, is the anniversary of JFK's assassination and tomorrow, is the anniversary of the NGCB being shot and almost dying, with Thursday being the anniversary of watching a murder committed live on television.  Through all of that, in 1963, I was tormented and tortured by the NQueen for DARING to feel ANY emotions about any of this!  I encountered the same attitude when Martin Luther King and RFK were assassinated in 1968.

If it wasn't centered on HER, then it didn't exist!  WTF?!?!?!?   :?

Back Off Bug-A-Loo!

BonesMS

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8060
Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #2920 on: November 23, 2011, 08:15:09 AM »
I HATE November!
Back Off Bug-A-Loo!

Hopalong

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 13616
Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #2921 on: November 23, 2011, 11:02:22 AM »
I hear you, Bones.
Holiday loneliness is the pits.

Last year despite all my declarations to myself of detachment, my effort to be immune just collapsed.
Christmas Eve day I wound up raking leaves alone. A kind neighbor came with a little basket
of cookies and I just bawled.

I did get invited somewhere (a new church acquaintance) for Tgiving, but now I have developed a
bad cold...so I'm going to stay home and stream Netflix while my nose streams. Tgiving's not so bad,
I like the thoughts of gratitude...and FORTUNATELY, Tgiving is just one day, one meal! It doesn't
drag on throughout the entire **ing month, so much.

My D did not respond to my message asking if I should come down there (now she's 3 hours away)
and take her to dinner. And now I'm sick so that's that.

Xmas, same plan as last year...walking dogs at SPCA. A movie. Maybe Chinese food with that
same friend again.

Uggh. At least there's still sacred music, one candle lit. No peace on earth...

OCCUPY CHRISTMAS!

Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

BonesMS

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8060
Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #2922 on: November 23, 2011, 01:37:10 PM »
I hear you, Bones.
Holiday loneliness is the pits.

Last year despite all my declarations to myself of detachment, my effort to be immune just collapsed.
Christmas Eve day I wound up raking leaves alone. A kind neighbor came with a little basket
of cookies and I just bawled.

I did get invited somewhere (a new church acquaintance) for Tgiving, but now I have developed a
bad cold...so I'm going to stay home and stream Netflix while my nose streams. Tgiving's not so bad,
I like the thoughts of gratitude...and FORTUNATELY, Tgiving is just one day, one meal! It doesn't
drag on throughout the entire **ing month, so much.

My D did not respond to my message asking if I should come down there (now she's 3 hours away)
and take her to dinner. And now I'm sick so that's that.

Xmas, same plan as last year...walking dogs at SPCA. A movie. Maybe Chinese food with that
same friend again.

Uggh. At least there's still sacred music, one candle lit. No peace on earth...

OCCUPY CHRISTMAS!

Hops

I did get an offer to go to the Teppanyaki Grill and Buffet tomorrow.  Good food and non-traditional.  Looking forward to trying that in spite of the stitches I still have in my mouth.  If they break, they break.  It's been a week and a half since the bone graft so there should be no chance of bleeding if the stitches rupture during chewing.  (I hope.)
Back Off Bug-A-Loo!

BonesMS

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8060
Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #2923 on: November 23, 2011, 01:49:03 PM »
I probably should mention that some other friends took me to this restaurant this past Saturday.  It's has all kinds of cuisine from Chinese to Japanese to regular old American.  AND IT HAS A CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN!!!  WOO-HOO!!!   :lol:
Back Off Bug-A-Loo!

Hopalong

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 13616
Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #2924 on: November 23, 2011, 06:31:49 PM »
Can one swim in it?

I vote for that!

ENJOY your feast, Bones...

xo
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."