Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?

[Ales2]

(((((((((((((((((((((((Bones)))))))))))))))))))

Thanks for your support on my other post.  I'm sending good, calorie free things your way.

[BonesMS]

(((((((((((((((((((((((Bones)))))))))))))))))))

Thanks for your support on my other post.  I'm sending good, calorie free things your way.

Thanks, Ales2.

I've been trying to get outside more and walk around.  I think it's the stress that's doing this.

[BonesMS]

While reading the first letter in today's "Dear Abby", I don't blame the letter-writer for wanting either NO CONTACT, if not LOW CONTACT.  The N made her choice back when her children were young and didn't care how it impacted them and continued to ignore them as they became adults.  NOW that the N is experiencing the consequences of her decision(s), she wants to condescend and "grace" her abandoned daughter with her Npresence?  If I were that daughter, I'd probably respond:  "NO, B*TCH, I don't think so!  You couldn't be bothered to be there when my sister and I needed you.  You couldn't be bothered to come to the wedding.  I DON'T NEED YOU NOW so F*** OFF!"

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20120601

[BonesMS]

In reading the second letter in "Annie's Mailbox":

http://www.creators.com/advice/annies-mailbox/facebook-flirting-with-danger.html

I think that "bride-to-be" is EXTREMELY RUDE and has a lot of CHUTZPAH to make a demand like THAT!  With "friends" like that, who needs enemies?

[BonesMS]

checking in after we had a hellacious storm yesterday which included tornado warnings.  There's a bit of a mess to clean up now.

[Meh]

Did you see the tornado?

[BonesMS]

Not personally, no.  There was a tornado nearby that someone took a picture of and sent to the local TV station.  That was TOO CLOSE for comfort!

[BonesMS]

Checking in...............................

[BonesMS]

I'm trying to remember if I mentioned anything about the Daughters of the American Revolution while doing my genealogy or not. 

I'm still trying to find that thread.

[BonesMS]

I'm also taking another risk in stepping outside of my comfort zone.

In working on my genealogy, it's sunk into my little pea-brain that one of my ancestors was a soldier in the American Revolution....making me eligible for the DAR.  I remember being told, by the N's in the family, that I would NEVER be accepted anywhere because I'm the "wrong color", (I'm part African-American).  I also remember that decades ago, the DAR refused to permit Marian Anderson to perform in Constitution Hall because of her race.  Time has changed all that, (me and other African-Americans have performed on the stage at Constitution Hall in 1976), and the DAR website clearly states that it will not discriminate on the basis of race.  The only requirement for membership is being a direct descendant of a Patriot that is provable.

I've made some inquiries about the possibility of joining a chapter near my home and, at the same time, I AM TERRIFIED!

Found the thread I was looking for!

I have an update to this.....the Registrar of the local DAR Chapter contacted me and we scheduled a meeting at the local library yesterday.  I got there first, waiting nervously, and half-expecting to see an older WHITE lady.  When I heard my name being called in hushed tones, I turned around and spotted the DAR tote bag first, then I looked at the lady......she was MY age and is BIRACIAL JUST LIKE ME!!!!!      WOO-HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Meh]

Yeah, I can't imagine this day and age that they would exclude you--internet says they started having black members in the 70's.

Bones, how do you do your genealogy research? Can you do this without speaking very much to your relatives about it? Do you have to go around paying for birth and funeral and marriage records? I found that a lot of this stuff is like a fee for service. 

[BonesMS]

Yeah, I can't imagine this day and age that they would exclude you--internet says they started having black members in the 70's.

Bones, how do you do your genealogy research? Can you do this without speaking very much to your relatives about it? Do you have to go around paying for birth and funeral and marriage records? I found that a lot of this stuff is like a fee for service. 

Thanks, Starlight.

While I was meeting with the DAR representative, we talked about the "Marian Anderson" situation and I learned that decades before that happened, there was an actual DAR member who was fully African-American!  The DAR members who discriminated against Marian Anderson ignored that fact.

Regarding my own genealogy, I didn't bother discussing it with my NFOO because all I got was a boat-load of B.S. lies.  I was able to find the truth by researching in the National Archives.  (I live within commuting distance so it's not too difficult to get there.)  When I need birth certificates, marriage certificates, and death certificates....yes, that can get expensive.  Most of the ancestors were alive before these documents were issued so I can't get those.  In those cases, I have to depend on Census records to provide some of the information.  If I'm able to locate the burial sites, I can get copies of the burial records and, yes, cemeteries charge for that as well.  (I've found intriguing mysteries that way that I've managed to solve occasionally.)  It's a FASCINATING job to have!

[Meh]

 
What sort of mysteries?

I've often wanted to research my family history but didn't know how to get started-- don't really wish to talk to my relatives about it--huh which sounds pretty weird! I don't really even know how or when they came to the U.S.

It would be fun to know something about the generations that I never met though. I guess without verbal stories being passed down it's impossible to know. I think about how a lot of women did some kind of thing but it wasn't always proper work. There would be no way to find out what women did, what their lives were like.

I wish I could just google my SS# and the computer could just spit it all out for me. I bet the CIA can do that.
Calling the CIA might be easier than doing the research myself. They probably have a computer program that does that in a matter of seconds.

[BonesMS]

What sort of mysteries?

I've often wanted to research my family history but didn't know how to get started-- don't really wish to talk to my relatives about it--huh which sounds pretty weird! I don't really even know how or when they came to the U.S.

It would be fun to know something about the generations that I never met though. I guess without verbal stories being passed down it's impossible to know. I think about how a lot of women did some kind of thing but it wasn't always proper work. There would be no way to find out what women did, what their lives were like.

I wish I could just google my SS# and the computer could just spit it all out for me. I bet the CIA can do that.
Calling the CIA might be easier than doing the research myself. They probably have a computer program that does that in a matter of seconds.

One mystery I stumbled across was a German man who was buried in an unmarked grave in the maternal ancestors' family plot back in the 1890s.  No one had a clue who he was or how he was related.  To add to the mystery, his German name had been mangled by the cemetery so it took a while to find the correct name.  Then, based on the Internet search on his family name, I found a phone number of some people in my home state and did a random "cold call".  Turns out my "find" was their "brick wall"!     We compared genealogy notes and I continued my search on him.  I was able to find out some information on him through the city directories, including the name of his wife/widow but not a whole lot.  I joined several genealogy forums and posted what I found on those forums. 

Fast forward a few years and I received an e-mail from a total stranger asking me if I knew who (name) was and I recognized that name immediately.....it was the name of my maternal great-great-grandmother!  Turns out that my maternal great-great-grandmother had gotten pregnant by another man, while still married to my great-great-grandfather, and she had a daughter who was given the SAME NAME as the mystery man's wife/widow!!!!  Further digging confirmed what my gut-level instinct was telling me.....the mystery man was my half-great-uncle by marriage and the people I had contacted with my random "cold call" were my distant cousins!!!!  I also discovered that one of those distant cousins had connections to where I used to work!!!!!  Now what are the odds of THAT happening?!?!?!?

To answer your question, there are ways to research your family tree without having to deal with dysfunctional, idiotic relatives....which is what I've done.  I simply started with myself and worked backward....researching Census records and city directories to see where the research would lead me.

[sKePTiKal]

Hey Bones, on the geneology topic...

What do you do when you get back to the Civil War eras? I was trying to get back to an emigration point for hubs' family, but ran into one of those brick walls in the 1860s, in NC. They didn't keep great records out in the sticks, but there is an annual reunion of like 4 families and they don't really go back any further than I was able to get, either. The curiosity about this came up during conversation with a family friend from Yorkshire, England who said there were "family name" in a nearby village. Hubs is odd because both his mom & dad had the same family name -- yet were in no way related. (Tho' I tease him about this...)

My mom's family is easy; we had community history (mennonite) and I even found Ellis Island records and a picture of the boat my great-grandfather came across in. My Dad's family is a dead-end after his Dad. The name was researched to Swedish origins - but his Dad was supposedly black Irish (and both my Dad and I had the red hair/freckles recessive gene). He died young of an appendix rupture. (so the story goes, anyway) I have 1 picture of him. Makes me think that side of the family was Vikings... which would explain SOOO much, you know??

LOL.