Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?

[BonesMS]

As some of your may be aware, I've been learning how to admin a discussion group.  The other admin has gone on vacation for about a week.  Some of the behaviors I've been observing has me scratching my head in confusion.

For example, I receive a request from a newbie to join the discussion group.  The second I approve the request, I send a message to the newbie to please read the rules, pinned at the top of the page, before posting anything.  (I thought that request was crystal clear.)  The rules basically state the following:  No promoting stuff and No selling stuff.  It is clearly explained, from the outset, that the discussion group's purpose is to talk about the writing/creative process of science fiction and fantasy.

Keeping that in mind, one newbie violated all the rules WITH 30 MINUTES OF BEING ADDED!  I removed the violation and sent her a private message informing her that her posting had been removed, why it had been removed, and reminded her of the rules regarding NO PROMOTIONS and NO SELLING STUFF.  She attempted to argue that she has a right to sell things on the page.  I informed her, again, that the purpose of the discussion group is to talk about the writing/creative process ... NOT to sell/promote stuff!  That's when she replies back:  "If I can't do what I want, then take my name off!"  I happily obliged her and BANNED her!

What part of the word "NO" do people NOT understand?

Another thing that the violators need to learn .... Do NOT piss off the Admin!  When the Admin has already clearly explained the rules, that doesn't translate into giving permission for flipping off the Admin and posting the violation again. 

I just got a snarky response from one of the violators who kept ignoring the rules after he had been warned.  The first violation, I removed it and sent a private message reminding him that it is not appropriate to post ads selling anything.  I advised him to contact the admins if he had any questions.  He ignored me and posted the violations back onto the page!  As a consequence, I removed the new violation and I removed him from the group.  I sent him a private message informing him that he has been removed from the group due to violating the rules regarding selling.  He sends me the following snark:  "I guess YOU don't like writers!"  (He don't know me!)  I wrote back:  "I don't like people who REFUSE to respect boundaries!"

Turns out that I'm not alone in dealing with idiots who don't like rules.  Another Admin shared with me about how some "troll" challenged him and told him he "was wrong" for enforcing the rules of the group!  I can guess what happened next with that "troll".   FLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[BonesMS]

This has turned into the week from HELL!!!!  I just learned that a dear friend of mine, Dick Wagner, died earlier today.  He was the one who persuaded me to come onto Facebook and assured me that his invitation was the REAL DEAL and not some machine-generated spam.  I was even working on his family tree for him to help him find out whether or not he was related to the famous German composer, Richard Wagner.  He sent me a copy of his book that he autographed for me.  When we first met, in 1992, at a John Bradshaw workshop, he held a small private concert for us and I had the chance to sit close as if we were in his living room.  He was a great guy with a big heart of gold, full of music, loved life and lived it to the fullest.

When he played his private concert for us, this was one of the songs he did:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OCTWq3ICB7I

Some may remember that the song was performed by Alice Cooper, who worked closely with him.

The song that brought all of us together at the private concert was Remember the Child, which always moved me to tears.  He performed Remember the Child at this same private concert and hugged me afterward as I cried.

I just can't believe he's gone and his voice is stilled.

Here's his video of Remember the Child:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7M9wkv8gwRo

[Ales2]

Very sorry Bones for the loss of your friend. Sounds like a wonderful, talented and kind person.

((((((((((((((BONES)))))))))))))))))))

[BonesMS]

Very sorry Bones for the loss of your friend. Sounds like a wonderful, talented and kind person.

((((((((((((((BONES)))))))))))))))))))

Thanks, (((((((((((((((Ales2))))))))))))))))))))))).

[BonesMS]

After I learned of his death, I was thinking about a lot of memories.  When he and I first met at the John Bradshaw workshop, I had NO idea who he was ... didn't recognize his face.  To me, he was a fellow survivor of child abuse and a Friend of Bill W. and Doctor Bob and we talked ALOT about the Twelve Steps.  As our friendship developed, he became the BROTHER I wish I had all my life.  To me, it didn't matter that he was a celebrity ... he was a human being struggling with the same issues I have.  When I learned, years ago, that he had a relapse, I sent him an e-hug as that was the only thing I could do given I was far away geographically.  

Now that he's gone ... it just HURTS!

Since he brought me onto Facebook, he has introduced me to his children and his children have sort-of adopted me as their aunt.  I've been sending them e-hugs yesterday.

[BonesMS]

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2014/07/dear_prudence_my_mom_is_catfishing_some_guy_on_an_online_dating_site.html

[BonesMS]

http://www.creators.com/advice/annies-mailbox/whats-in-a-name-change.html

[BonesMS]

http://www.creators.com/advice/at-work-lindsey-novak/sabbaticals-must-be-productive-to-further-career.html

[BonesMS]

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/2014/7/31/obsession-over-six-pack-abs-puts-swimmer

[BonesMS]

I've had to do a LOT of venting as I came across something on the Internet that REALLY UPSET ME!!!!  When Dick Wagner died yesterday, before his body was even COLD, some stranger posted a HUGE obituary, with pictures, on Find-A-Grave before Dick's family had the chance to notify anyone else!  To me, that is just INSENSITIVE and INCONSIDERATE!  Dick's FAMILY should have had a say about where and when something like that was put on the Internet!  When I vented to some other people, the response I got back was:  "But....... he's a CELEBRITY!"  I DON'T CARE!  IT HURTS HIS FAMILY AND THAT IS NOT RIGHT!!!  DAMMIT!!!!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!?!?!?!?!?

[BonesMS]

This has turned into the week from HELL!!!!  I just learned that a dear friend of mine, Dick Wagner, died earlier today.  He was the one who persuaded me to come onto Facebook and assured me that his invitation was the REAL DEAL and not some machine-generated spam.  I was even working on his family tree for him to help him find out whether or not he was related to the famous German composer, Richard Wagner.  He sent me a copy of his book that he autographed for me.  When we first met, in 1992, at a John Bradshaw workshop, he held a small private concert for us and I had the chance to sit close as if we were in his living room.  He was a great guy with a big heart of gold, full of music, loved life and lived it to the fullest.

When he played his private concert for us, this was one of the songs he did:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OCTWq3ICB7I

Some may remember that the song was performed by Alice Cooper, who worked closely with him.

The song that brought all of us together at the private concert was Remember the Child, which always moved me to tears.  He performed Remember the Child at this same private concert and hugged me afterward as I cried.

I just can't believe he's gone and his voice is stilled.

Here's his video of Remember the Child:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7M9wkv8gwRo

Looking back through my memories, I was remembering how I first met him at the workshop.  He was standing in the back of the room, like a wallflower, shyly listening to other people who were talking to each other.  I recall somebody asking him what he did for a living and he quietly replied, "Oh, I just write and play music."  No bragging at all when, in reality, he was actually a GUITAR GOD!  Then he switched the conversation back to the person who was speaking to him just like any other normal person.  I didn't know what kind of music he had written until, during the private concert he held for us ... he pointed to the Hawaiian shirt he was wearing and thanked us for helping him to buy it.  He saw the confused look on my face as I was thinking:  "Huh?"  Then he quietly admitted that one of the songs he wrote, that helped him buy the shirt, was "Only Women Bleed".  I was gobsmacked!  I had NO idea!  All these years, that I've known him, he never had an outsized ego ... he was never a Narcissist.  He had a Heart of Gold and people just gravitated to him.  It just hurts to know that he's gone.

[BonesMS]

http://www.wagnermusic.com/

In memory of Dick Wagner - there will never be another like him.

[BonesMS]

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/2014/8/1/diabetic-friend-suffers-close-call-miles

[Gaining Strength]

I sent an e-mail to one of the police officers who I've dealt with on other occasions and told him what has been happening since this past Friday.  Turns out, he is the SUPERVISOR of the officer who blew me off.  (I didn't know that.)  This morning, I got a phone call from the officer, who blew me off, asking me to come to the station and write a Witness Statement of everything I observed yesterday.  I wrote about five pages of everything that I saw and heard and it has been given to a detective.  It appears that the police are finally taking this case seriously.

Now I wonder what will happen next?

Good for you Bones.  Your persistence paid off. That is such a remarkable thing for you to do.

[Gaining Strength]

http://www.creators.com/advice/annies-mailbox/physical-abuse-false-charges-or-different-perspectives.html

Many triggers!

do you want to share anything about these triggers Bones?