Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?

[BonesMS]

Found this article through Reddit:

http://www.goyourownway.org/GOYOUROWNWAY/DOCUMENTS/EMOTIONAL%20WELLBEING/EMOTIONAL%20BLACKMAIL.pdf

It's nice to see you posting, Bones   I hope things are starting to pick up a little.  I'll have a read through that article later, it looks interesting xx

Thanks, Tupp.

I'm still trying to work through stuff.  I had to arrange to get rid of my car for good as I'm no longer in any position to be able to maintain it.

Cars are such a blessing and a curse, aren't they, so necessary and give you so much independence but also costly to run and difficult to repair yourself if you don't have the skills/tools/time etc.  We've had lengthy periods over the years when we didn't have a vehicle and it is something I really miss if/when the time comes.  But sometimes it does just get too much to keep one on the road.  I'm sorry to hear it has to go (((((((((Bonesie))))))))))) xx

Thanks, (((((((((((Tupp)))))))))))

Between my medical bills, my vision changes that impact my ability to see well enough in traffic, and everything else, I had to yield to the logic of the situation.

Yes, I get that, I find driving in the dark difficult these days and can see a time when it really won't be an option anymore.  From there, I'm guessing not driving at all is the next step.  It's hard giving up the independence but as you say, people need to be sensible, bills need to be paid and none of us wants to cause an accident with our doddery driving!  Hugs, Bonesie xx

Thanks, Tupp.

I've even told my insurance agent that I don't want to be one of those crazy old farts proclaiming:  "I'll stop driving when they pry the car keys from my cold, dead hands."  I've encountered one such idiot TWICE when I was still able to drive!  That idiot had NO business driving at all!!!!

Ah, Bonesie, I know what you mean, it would be funny if it weren't so dangerous!  I love the independence of driving and I know when the time comes to stop I'll feel sad but I'd feel much worse if I killed someone!  A friend of mine is going through exactly this with her mum at the moment - she ran someone over and it then turned out she had cataracts and could barely see.  They've been operated on so now she wants her licence back.  Her eyesight's still not great and she's just getting pretty doddery so it really seems more sensible to use the bus.  She lives in a rural area and won't move, so if she can't drive she'll become increasingly housebound.  We all hope we'll stay healthy and fully functioning until we just pass quietly in bed but life just isn't like that.  I think it's so important to accept our limitations - particularly when they may affect someone else.  And sometimes you meet nice people on the bus! Lol.  I hope you are doing okay.  Lots of love xx

Thanks, Tupp!

I remember when the mother of NDoofus was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, she was hell-bent to keep driving!  We had to take the car keys away from her and put the car out of her reach!  Boy, did she throw one hellacious TANTRUM!!!!  It was NOT pretty!

[Twoapenny]

Argh, I can imagine!  I'm hoping to get myself into an organised kind of space before my bits and pieces start to conk out - a small place within walking distance of shops and plenty of activities, a good bus service and a train station for venturing further afield.  My friend's nan is suffering terribly with loneliness (she's in her 90s) and it's making her ill, but she won't move.  She's much loved and has a large family who all visit as much as they can but she's over an hour's drive from the nearest relative so she's on her own a lot.  They've shown her some retirement apartments in town, much closer to all of them plus there's a lot more going on, lots of neighbours her age and a warden on site in case of emergency but she won't budge.  Some people are their own worst enemies! x

[BonesMS]

Argh, I can imagine!  I'm hoping to get myself into an organised kind of space before my bits and pieces start to conk out - a small place within walking distance of shops and plenty of activities, a good bus service and a train station for venturing further afield.  My friend's nan is suffering terribly with loneliness (she's in her 90s) and it's making her ill, but she won't move.  She's much loved and has a large family who all visit as much as they can but she's over an hour's drive from the nearest relative so she's on her own a lot.  They've shown her some retirement apartments in town, much closer to all of them plus there's a lot more going on, lots of neighbours her age and a warden on site in case of emergency but she won't budge.  Some people are their own worst enemies! x

Unfortunately, yes.

I'm trying to age in place where I am given that I have no family to look to.

[BonesMS]

TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!

https://thoughtcatalog.com/shahida-arabi/2016/06/20-diversion-tactics-highly-manipulative-narcissists-sociopaths-and-psychopaths-use-to-silence-you/

[Twoapenny]

TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!

https://thoughtcatalog.com/shahida-arabi/2016/06/20-diversion-tactics-highly-manipulative-narcissists-sociopaths-and-psychopaths-use-to-silence-you/

Gosh, that's a good article, Bonesie, makes me want to read that book!  It's funny but I still don't like to acknowledge that my mum is all of those things.  I read each bit and a personal example popped into my head with each section and I still find it shocks me that she is that abusive.  Isn't it funny?  I liked the fact that they state it's important to cut ties as soon as you realise what's happening (I think it was the second point) as often cutting off contact is seen as a last resort and there's a lot of advice to try and 'sort things out' first (which can be very difficult to manage).

How are things going with you? xx

[BonesMS]

TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!

https://thoughtcatalog.com/shahida-arabi/2016/06/20-diversion-tactics-highly-manipulative-narcissists-sociopaths-and-psychopaths-use-to-silence-you/

Gosh, that's a good article, Bonesie, makes me want to read that book!  It's funny but I still don't like to acknowledge that my mum is all of those things.  I read each bit and a personal example popped into my head with each section and I still find it shocks me that she is that abusive.  Isn't it funny?  I liked the fact that they state it's important to cut ties as soon as you realise what's happening (I think it was the second point) as often cutting off contact is seen as a last resort and there's a lot of advice to try and 'sort things out' first (which can be very difficult to manage).

How are things going with you? xx

Thanks, Tupp.

I'm still trying to take things one day at a time now that I've gotten rid of my car.  I'm still adjusting to the "new normal".

[Twoapenny]

I quite like not using the car when the weather's nice - people are happier, you can sit in the sun while you wait for the bus and chat and it's nice.  But come winter I don't enjoy it so much.  What is the transport like in your area, Bonesie?  Where I live it's pretty hit and miss.  The buses are fairly regular but the connections aren't good, so if you want to travel further afield and need to change you spend more time at the bus stop than you do on the bus.  We went to the coast last weekend - three trains - and the amount of time we spent at the stations was more than the actual train rides took.  I think I spent almost as much on coffee as I did on train tickets :0

I hope the adjusting goes okay.  It takes time for our brains to catch up, I think (or at least it does for me!).

Love Tupp xx

[BonesMS]

I quite like not using the car when the weather's nice - people are happier, you can sit in the sun while you wait for the bus and chat and it's nice.  But come winter I don't enjoy it so much.  What is the transport like in your area, Bonesie?  Where I live it's pretty hit and miss.  The buses are fairly regular but the connections aren't good, so if you want to travel further afield and need to change you spend more time at the bus stop than you do on the bus.  We went to the coast last weekend - three trains - and the amount of time we spent at the stations was more than the actual train rides took.  I think I spent almost as much on coffee as I did on train tickets :0

I hope the adjusting goes okay.  It takes time for our brains to catch up, I think (or at least it does for me!).

Love Tupp xx

Thanks, Tupp!

Where I live, we have both buses and subway stations.  I have to figure out their schedules if I want to get from Point A to Point B.

At the moment, I'm researching into a possible job opportunity....looking at the pros and cons.

[BonesMS]

I can share some good news today...

As of August 5, 2017, I have officially become a member of the DAR.

[Twoapenny]

I can share some good news today...

As of August 5, 2017, I have officially become a member of the DAR.

Bonesie, I am very happy to read your good news   But what is the DAR? xx

[BonesMS]

I can share some good news today...

As of August 5, 2017, I have officially become a member of the DAR.

Bonesie, I am very happy to read your good news   But what is the DAR? xx

LOL!!!

The DAR is the Daughters of the American Revolution.

I guess you could say that the American Revolution was an early version of Brexit.

[Twoapenny]

Oh wow, that sounds amazing, I will have to look it up!  I'm very happy for you Bonesie, and I have learnt something new today as well lol xx

[BonesMS]

Oh wow, that sounds amazing, I will have to look it up!  I'm very happy for you Bonesie, and I have learnt something new today as well lol xx

Thanks!

It took a lot of work and a lot of research to connect all the dots.

[Twoapenny]

Oh wow, that sounds amazing, I will have to look it up!  I'm very happy for you Bonesie, and I have learnt something new today as well lol xx

Thanks!

It took a lot of work and a lot of research to connect all the dots.

Bonesie, I looked it up, oh my word!  What an amazing group and how incredible that you found that connection!  Yep I bet that was a lot of work, but what a result.  Can you say what the connection is?  I appreciate it might give too much info away online so understand you might not be able to.  I am so impressed!  Well done you xx

[BonesMS]

Oh wow, that sounds amazing, I will have to look it up!  I'm very happy for you Bonesie, and I have learnt something new today as well lol xx

Thanks!

It took a lot of work and a lot of research to connect all the dots.

Bonesie, I looked it up, oh my word!  What an amazing group and how incredible that you found that connection!  Yep I bet that was a lot of work, but what a result.  Can you say what the connection is?  I appreciate it might give too much info away online so understand you might not be able to.  I am so impressed!  Well done you xx

Thanks!

When a couple of my cousins researched and published a book on my Dad's family, I learned that I had two possible Patriots among my direct ancestors.  It took several years to track down the documents that DAR requires to prove the connections between the two Patriots and me.  I just wish my Dad was still alive.  I think he would have enjoyed becoming a Son of the American Revolution.