Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?

[Twoapenny]

That's amazing, Bonesie, aw that is a shame that your dad didn't get to see that connection made, it's nice when you find something lovely in your past.  I've always been a bit scared to dig too deeply, I'm convinced I'm going to find I'm related to a serial killer or something hideous like that.  A friend of mine found out his ancestors were pirates which was quite exciting (and funnily enough he does actually look a bit like Captain Jack Sparrow )  It amazes me that documents survive as long as they do and that they're detailed enough for people generations away to make the links.  Well done you, that's an amazing bit of family history to be proud of xx

[BonesMS]

That's amazing, Bonesie, aw that is a shame that your dad didn't get to see that connection made, it's nice when you find something lovely in your past.  I've always been a bit scared to dig too deeply, I'm convinced I'm going to find I'm related to a serial killer or something hideous like that.  A friend of mine found out his ancestors were pirates which was quite exciting (and funnily enough he does actually look a bit like Captain Jack Sparrow )  It amazes me that documents survive as long as they do and that they're detailed enough for people generations away to make the links.  Well done you, that's an amazing bit of family history to be proud of xx

Thanks, Tupp!!!

Funnily enough, Johnny Depp is one of my distant cousins through a Colonial connection.  Shades of Captain Jack Sparrow!   

[BonesMS]

I was chatting on Facebook and one of the folks shared this experience that just CRACKED ME UP!

"(Names) were stopped by 2 guys up at the Marina in Havre de Grace. They were very polite and were taking a "survey" to see who could answer some questions about the Bible. For fun I decided to play alone. Being a daughter of a Sunday school teacher pays off. They were surprised I knew the answers to their questions. Lol. Me too actually because its been over 25 years. On occasion I don't mind talking. I never go into great detail about my beliefs but I usually give them something to think about. Once in awhile I'll even talk to the Jehovah Witnesses if they stop by and I have time. They did stop coming by for awhile after I answered the door with a snake around my neck, 2 black cats in the window and Slayer on the stereo. I really don't know why they jumped off the porch. I mean I was only in the middle of cleaning the snake tank."

She described their facial expressions, as well as their quick reactions, as EPIC!!!

 

[Twoapenny]

Ha ha, imagine someone answering the door with a snake wrapped round their neck!  I would run a mile, lol.  And how amazing to be related to Johnny Depp!  I do wonder how related we all are to each other sometimes.  So interesting to know all of this stuff, Bonesie, you must be very good at doing through all the information and finding out what you need to know xx

[BonesMS]

Ha ha, imagine someone answering the door with a snake wrapped round their neck!  I would run a mile, lol.  And how amazing to be related to Johnny Depp!  I do wonder how related we all are to each other sometimes.  So interesting to know all of this stuff, Bonesie, you must be very good at doing through all the information and finding out what you need to know xx

Thanks, Tupp!

When I read the description of how these JW's jumped off the porch, I CACKLED!!!!

Genealogy is so much FUN!  I love solving puzzles and mysteries and genealogy is a combination of that.

[BonesMS]

I've been reading some threads in Reddit about N's and thought I might try to organize some of the traits I'm seeing:

Nosy
Infantilizing
Constantly playing Snatch and Grab with their Adult Children's possessions and families
The Golden Child/Scape Goat dynamics, even abusing the Grandchildren with this crap!

(I'll probably add more as I spot them.)

[BonesMS]

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/family/2013/02/abusive_parents_what_do_grown_children_owe_the_mothers_and_fathers_who_made.html?wpsrc=sh_all_mob_fb_top



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Interesting article.

[Twoapenny]

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/family/2013/02/abusive_parents_what_do_grown_children_owe_the_mothers_and_fathers_who_made.html?wpsrc=sh_all_mob_fb_top



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Interesting article.

I'll have a read of that later, Bonesie.  Personally I don't feel that I owe my mum anything.  Had she made the smallest effort to change her behaviour I'd feel differently.  It's funny that no-one thinks anyone should stay with an abusive partner, or that adults abusing children is okay, but for some reason so many think adult children should put up with it?  Just yesterday I was thinking how different our weekends would be if we had loving family to visit or spend time with.  It's sad but abuse is abuse, however it comes, but I think there's still a feeling in some places that you should take whatever a parent gives out x

[BonesMS]

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/family/2013/02/abusive_parents_what_do_grown_children_owe_the_mothers_and_fathers_who_made.html?wpsrc=sh_all_mob_fb_top



=========================================

Interesting article.

I'll have a read of that later, Bonesie.  Personally I don't feel that I owe my mum anything.  Had she made the smallest effort to change her behaviour I'd feel differently.  It's funny that no-one thinks anyone should stay with an abusive partner, or that adults abusing children is okay, but for some reason so many think adult children should put up with it?  Just yesterday I was thinking how different our weekends would be if we had loving family to visit or spend time with.  It's sad but abuse is abuse, however it comes, but I think there's still a feeling in some places that you should take whatever a parent gives out x

I know the feeling! 

It's aggravating when idiots start cranking up the crap of:  "But, but, buuutttt FAAAAMMIILLY!!"  That's when I start dropping F-Bombs!

[Twoapenny]

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/family/2013/02/abusive_parents_what_do_grown_children_owe_the_mothers_and_fathers_who_made.html?wpsrc=sh_all_mob_fb_top



=========================================

Interesting article.

I'll have a read of that later, Bonesie.  Personally I don't feel that I owe my mum anything.  Had she made the smallest effort to change her behaviour I'd feel differently.  It's funny that no-one thinks anyone should stay with an abusive partner, or that adults abusing children is okay, but for some reason so many think adult children should put up with it?  Just yesterday I was thinking how different our weekends would be if we had loving family to visit or spend time with.  It's sad but abuse is abuse, however it comes, but I think there's still a feeling in some places that you should take whatever a parent gives out x

I know the feeling! 

It's aggravating when idiots start cranking up the crap of:  "But, but, buuutttt FAAAAMMIILLY!!"  That's when I start dropping F-Bombs!

Ha ha, Bonesie, you drop the best F bombs xx

[BonesMS]

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/family/2013/02/abusive_parents_what_do_grown_children_owe_the_mothers_and_fathers_who_made.html?wpsrc=sh_all_mob_fb_top



=========================================

Interesting article.

I'll have a read of that later, Bonesie.  Personally I don't feel that I owe my mum anything.  Had she made the smallest effort to change her behaviour I'd feel differently.  It's funny that no-one thinks anyone should stay with an abusive partner, or that adults abusing children is okay, but for some reason so many think adult children should put up with it?  Just yesterday I was thinking how different our weekends would be if we had loving family to visit or spend time with.  It's sad but abuse is abuse, however it comes, but I think there's still a feeling in some places that you should take whatever a parent gives out x

I know the feeling! 

It's aggravating when idiots start cranking up the crap of:  "But, but, buuutttt FAAAAMMIILLY!!"  That's when I start dropping F-Bombs!

Ha ha, Bonesie, you drop the best F bombs xx

 

[BonesMS]

Feeling slightly paranoid at the moment.

To give a bit of background and, unfortunately, it's long:

My late half-sister's descendants have always treated me as if I was $h!t on their shoe.  Ever since I was a little kid, I always tried to be family to them and got nasty rebuffs as a result.  One incident, that was the beginning of the end, was right after egg-donor died.

I was aware that my half-sister's descendants HATED my Dad and NWomb-donor.  Now that the N was dead and rotting in H3LL, and my Dad being long-dead for several decades, these "descendants" no longer had a viable target for their hate.  I tried to mend the rift and ended up being the new target instead...which included their DEMAND that I hand over genealogy documents, THAT I PAID FOR, because in THEIR opinion, I shouldn't be ALLOWED to have them!  I stopped having anything more to do with them after that.

Fast forward a couple of years, I get a polite e-mail asking for information.  As soon as the sender realized who I am, she got NASTY and started cranking up the toxic $h!t again, which resulted in her getting blocked via e-mail.

Fast forward a few more years, I set up my genealogy information on Ancestry but I set my tree to private.  Shortly AFTER I had set my tree to private, my account got hacked and a LOT of unverified CRAP was dumped into my database WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!  (Yeah, I was LIVID about having my research F**KED with!)  I notified Ancestry about the hack and the hacker was located...one of those "descendants"!  His account got suspended because he violated Ancestry's rules.  The moment his suspension was lifted, he immediately contacted me...wanting to access my account AGAIN!  He got a SWIFT NO!

In 2014, the last remaining sibling died and I did what I thought was right and notified the "descendants" about my brother's death.  All I got back was crickets.  So I decided to let go of my last remaining effort to maintain contact and stopped sending the sole Christmas card to one of them.

This past year, I got a NASTY communication on Facebook from one of the "descendants", throwing flying monkey $h!t about how SELFISH I am because I have my tree set to private and that I have NO right to privacy!  That little b!tch got IMMEDIATELY BLOCKED!

Then a few months ago, one of my second cousins emailed me about a strange communication he received from a total stranger asking for family information.  He knows that I'm the Family Historian and asked me if I would reply.  I was willing to do so until I saw who had contacted him....the NASTY little b!tch who threw monkey $h!t on Facebook!  I had to diplomatically explain why I was NOT going to be contacting that inDUHvidual!

Finally, a couple of weeks ago, I get a strange e-mail from some dude...using my formal name, trying to get all cozy with me.  The only folks who insist on using my formal name are....the "descendants".  The stranger also got immediately BLOCKED!

This uptick in contacting attempts from this bunch is irritating!

I have NO interest in having anything more to do with them.  They have NEVER treated me like family so they need to get the message and F**K OFF!!!!

[Twoapenny]

They sound horrible, Bonesie, I think you're right to keep away from them.  Why can't they do the research themselves instead of helping themselves to yours?  Is it just laziness on their part because you've already done all the work?

I always find it weird how some people are more interested in their dead relatives than their living ones.  A friend of mine comes from a large family (six brothers, two sisters) and the dad is estranged from all but one of the kids.  All of the kids, as adults and with children of their own, has reached out to him as they wanted their kids to have the chance to have a grandfather but he's not reciprocated.  Yet he spends all his free time researching the family history - he's gone back generations and has travelled far and wide to view original documents and records that are hundreds of years old - but he ignores his own children and won't make the fifteen minute journey needed to visit any of them (or arrange for them to visit him).

It just made me think of that as I read about your unpleasant relatives.  If they'd been nice they could have had a relationship with you, their living relative, and maybe worked on the family history together.  But instead they're nasty and just try to nick your work or bully you into handing it over.  Wtf?

I hope you are okay xx

[BonesMS]

They sound horrible, Bonesie, I think you're right to keep away from them.  Why can't they do the research themselves instead of helping themselves to yours?  Is it just laziness on their part because you've already done all the work?

I always find it weird how some people are more interested in their dead relatives than their living ones.  A friend of mine comes from a large family (six brothers, two sisters) and the dad is estranged from all but one of the kids.  All of the kids, as adults and with children of their own, has reached out to him as they wanted their kids to have the chance to have a grandfather but he's not reciprocated.  Yet he spends all his free time researching the family history - he's gone back generations and has travelled far and wide to view original documents and records that are hundreds of years old - but he ignores his own children and won't make the fifteen minute journey needed to visit any of them (or arrange for them to visit him).

It just made me think of that as I read about your unpleasant relatives.  If they'd been nice they could have had a relationship with you, their living relative, and maybe worked on the family history together.  But instead they're nasty and just try to nick your work or bully you into handing it over.  Wtf?

I hope you are okay xx

Thanks, Tupp.

I've reached the point where I'm no longer interested in having anything to do with them.  After decades of their $h!t, I'm DONE!  As for my genealogy work, I think they're both lazy and greedy!  In their f**Ked up minds, I'm NOT ALLOWED to be related to them and they think they are entitled to my research.  F**K THAT NOISE!!!!

The reason I got started on genealogy was to find out about my Dad.  The LYING NWomb-Donor tried her damnedest to cut us off from Dad's family because she was a racist.  (Imagine dealing with a female version of Drumpf growing up!  PUKE!)  Through my research, I was able to find and reunite with Dad's relatives, including attending my first family reunion.  I had NO idea how HUGE my Dad's family is and all the surprising historical connections that go back to when my state was first being colonized!  I also discovered several cousins who are celebrities in their own right and have communicated with them.  Last, but not least, being able to prove that I am a direct descendant of a Revolutionary Patriot or two and being accepted into the DAR.  I have a feeling that as soon as those clowns find out, via the grapevine, they're probably going to be PISSED OFF!!!  Do I care about their hissy fits?  NO! 

[BonesMS]

I was reading the JNMIL subreddit and spotted the following in a thread about an N named "Momma Ostrich.

Her Modus Operandi was as follows:

1.Find church
2.Become obsessed
3.Convince church of her victimhood
4.Volunteer for all the things!
5.Get money or some benefit from church
6.Start fucking up volunteer duties
7.Blame everything else but herself
8.Cry victim when church calls her out
9.Threaten to find new church
10.When nobody believes her shit any more, find new church


I might have mentioned, in my previous postings about an N I used to sublet an apartment from.  The above list reminded me of her behaviors.  When I first met her, she was a Lutheran and was very active in the Lutheran church.  After I started subletting her apartment, and she moved to California, she converted to Catholicism and the $h!tshow started with her trying to RAM her ORDERS down my throat to become Catholic because "GOD TOLD HER TO TELL ME TO CONVERT!"  (WTF?!?!?!?   )  Needless to say, she got royally pissed at me when I told her NO!  Whatever faith I choose is MY PERSONAL DECISION and her nose ENDS where my personal business begins!  BOUNDARIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Somewhere along the line, she managed to destroy her daughter's marriage and the N got exiled back to where she was born in the Midwest.  While there, she started up the above behaviors with every single Catholic church in the parish/diocese.  By the time she died, back in 2013, she was involved with a group of "FORMER CATHOLICS"!     Something tells me she wore out her welcome so badly that the various priests told her to GET LOST!!